Fearless
by Little Emily
Summary: Leah's life was perfect she had everything she could ever want. But one moment, one look changed everything. Now the bitter harpy of La Push. How can her life get out of hell she's living in.
1. Fearless

**Okay this is a story that I've had in my head for a while now the first chapter doesn't really make sense on its own so you have to keep reading to understand.**

**This chapter is really, really, really short but others will be longer so, so much longer! **** By the way this whole story is going to be in Leah POV but if a certain chapter isn't I'll write whose POV it will be in **

**Fearless**

Fearless is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. Fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again…even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's fearless to fall for your bestfriend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's fearless to stop believing them. It's fearless to say "you're NOT sorry", and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on a bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Then, moving on and being alright…That's fearless too. But no matter what life throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. Because love is fearless.

And this is where I start my story. I thought life my life was perfect and there was no reason for me to be fearless. I guess I was wrong. Way wrong.

**Well I know it was short but there will be more. Please review!**


	2. Things change when you least expect them

**Okay here's the first proper chapter. Hope you enjoy **

**Things change when you least expect them to**

I sat in front of my mirror. A few loose curls hung around my face but the rest was pulled back into a high pony tail, I had light make-up on that made my blue eyes look even bluer.

My blue eyes were kinda odd; most people on the rez have brown or black eyes. My Grandma from the Makah tribe, my mum's mum, has the same eyes as me. My cousin Emily has the same blue eyes as me.

When I was happy with what I looked like I went down stairs to grab some breakfast. I saw Seth sitting at the breakfast table eating some toast. Seth is my little brother he's fourteen, never upset, never angry at anyone and never stops smiling. At times it really pisses me off but that's what little brothers are for.

I snuck up behind him and grabbed a slice of toast off his plate.

"Leah" he whined "That's mine give it back" He looked up at me with the same blue eyes hat I have.

"Awwww Seth but I gotta get to work I don't have time"

"Leah!" I gave him puppy dog eyes "Fine" he said reluctantly

"Thanks, love you Seth!" I gave him a hug and left before he could change his mind.

It was an unusual sunny day; we don't see much sun in La Push always rain. But I guess when you live here your whole life here you get used to the cold. I walked to the corner shop where I work and had worked since I was 16. I was saving up to go to uni, also putting some money away for me and my fiancé Sam to get married and to buy a cute little house in La Push. I had been with Sam since we were sophomores, I'm 18 now and we're still together with a strong, happy relationship and planning for the future.

As I walked into the small shop I saw one of my best friends from high school Candy (short for Candice) stacking shelves.

She turned around "Lee!" she squealed as she pulled me into a bear hug

"Candy!" I replied

"Are you still coming tonight its Rachel's last night in town before she goes off to uni" she asked as she followed me as I went to sign in. Rachel Black my best friend since Kindergarten she was going off to Washington State. She is the funniest person alive and knows how to have a good time. Me, Candy, Rachel and Lorey were all on the cheerleading squad in high school. Good times, good times.

"Hell, yeah!" I replied "Hey is Lorey coming?"

"Yeah I think so, well I hope so she was the one who was gunna drive" I laughed along with her.

That's when the owner Miss Call came in. "Come on girls you can talk after your shift. Candice I need you to keep unpacking the boxes stack all the stuff on the shelves" Candy walked off to do her job as Mrs Steele turned to me "Leah I need you on the till"

"Okay" I manned the till for my whole shift it was a pretty busy day so I didn't get bored.

"Come on Lee shift is over let's get going" Candy yelled at me

"Coming!" I called. I ran over to her, as we stepped outside the sky was grey and the air was cold.

Candy groaned, I turned to face her "What?" I asked

"I knew the sun wouldn't last"

I laughed "When does it ever?"

That's when two arms wrapped round my waist and someone's head rested on my shoulder. "Hey, Lee Lee" He said in a husky voice.

I span around to see the love of my life, Sam. I kissed him quickly on the lips before turning back to Candy

"I'll see you at Rachel's at 7. Okay?" I said

"Oh hey Candy, didn't see you there" Sam said

She smiled "Hey Sam how's life?"

"Good, good you?"

"Yeah good" She turned back to me "Yup see you there in exactly 1 hour and 20 minuets"

"Okay see you then" Candy smiled before she crossed the road

Sam grabbed my hand and entwined our fingers.

"So, where you're going tonight?" He asked

"It's Rachel's last night in town before she goes to uni, we're gunna have a drink to celebrate, I'm gunna miss her"

"Rachel Black?"

"The one and only. Geesh Sam you've known her since freshmen year!"

"I know, I know. But you could have met another Rachel that I don't know"

I just cracked up laughing. This is why I love Sam he makes everything so easy, and if I'm about to cry he'll make me laugh. No matter what I smile when ever I'm near him.

I looked up at him, something was different "Sam have you grown?"

"Yeah like a good 3 inches"

"Wow" I looked down at our entwined hands "Sam you're hand is really hot" I let go of his hand and put my hand on his forehead. I stopped walking; he turned round to look at me. "You're burning up. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Lee Lee chill out, I'm fine. See!" He spun around

"I'm taking you home"

"Leah come on; let's go to the beach or something"

"No! You're ill and I'm taking you home!"

After about 20 minuets of trying to convince Sam he was ill I finally got him home. Men will never admit they're ill because they're stupid dumb asses.

I went home seeing as I didn't need to be at Rachel's till 7. My dad Harry Clearwater was fishing with his mates Billy Black (Rachel's dad) and Charlie Swan. I love my dad and would be first to admit I'm a daddy's girl and proud! I've never been that close to my mum, Sue. We've never really seen eye to eye about anything, Seth he's a mummy's boy but the difference between me and him is that he would never admit it.

When I got back Seth was in the living room watching some crap TV show on cars. I looked around the familiar room. There was the old TV in the corner which had my dad's armchair in front of it. The coach was against the wall in front of the sofa was a coffee table with the remote on it. There was a fireplace above it was a picture of me, Seth and my cousin Emily. Emily and I were practically sisters. We were as close as we could get. The picture was taken a few summers ago, I was in the middle with one arm around Emily and the other around a very young looking Seth he must have been about 10, 11 in the photo. I always wondered why Emily's older sister Sarah wasn't in the photo too but I guess that was just because Emily practically lived at my house over the summer where as Sarah would spend a week or two. Rachel was my bestfriend in La Push but Emily was my all time bestfriend I could tell her anything. Around the room were other pictures, first days at school, family pictures, Sarah's wedding, Claire, who was Sarah's kid so that makes her my 2nd cousin. It wasn't much but I loved this room it was my 2nd favourite in the house 1st being my bedroom. It was the only place to escape my mother. Seth and I had learnt from an early age that if you ever wanted to escape her mood (she could get into some very, very bad moods and go ape) just shut the door and put music at full volume, it's the only way. But if she decides to come into your room then you're screwed.

I looked back at the remote on the table. I hid the smile that was spreading across my face. I casually walked past the coffee table and made a grab for the remote. Seth saw what I was doing; he tried to grab it back off me. But I stood on the coach out of his reach, the look on his face made me laugh so hard I had tears running down my face. He pulled my legs forcing me to fall down and the remote flew from my hands. Seth quickly picked it up. He looked down at me, where I was still sitting on the floor, and cracked up laughing. I gave him a look that would get people to cower in their seats but it just made him laugh harder.

I got up and as I walked past under my breath I mumbled "Bastard"

"Love you too, big sis" He yelled as I stomped up the stairs

I grabbed my bag with what I was wearing tonight and my make-up; it's tradition to all get ready together before going out.

I ran downstairs my mum was in the kitchen "I'm going now, don't know what time I'm gunna be back so don't wait up"

"Okay, don't make too much noise when you come back"

"Okay mum"

On the way to Rachel's it started to rain "Another happy sunny day in La Push" I mumbled to myself.

"Leah!" Rachel yelled as she opened the door pulling me into a hug

"God, no need to shout Rach" She stepped out the way to let me in

"You're the first one here, which is surprising seeing as Candy text me and said you had seen Sam and had gone to spend some time with him"

"Yeah I did but he was burning up so I told him to go home"

"Awww I hope he's okay"

"I'm sure he will, it's probably just a bug"

"You're probably right"

"Aren't I always?"

"Yeah always" she said in a sarcastic voice "Go through to the living room I'll get us something to drink while we wait for the girls"

"Yup" I popped the P

Her little brother Jacob was watching TV. I sat next to him. He looked at me and smiled a big goofy smile it's a smile that you just have to smile back at.

"So you're going clubbing with my sister tonight"

"Yup, I'm gunna miss her. You?"

"Nahhh with Rebecca in Hawaii and now Rachel going to Washington State finally an all man house" I cracked up laughing he just smiled at me

"Jacob! Stop trying to hit on Leah she's already in a relationship and no ones going to ruin it" He frowned, got up and left the room as he left I think I heard him mumble "So not gunna miss her" Rach heard it too because she burst out laughing.

I went into my bag and pulled out a little jewellery box "Rach I got you a prezzie" I handed her the little box

"Oh Lee, you didn't have to"

I rolled my eyes "Just open it" She pulled the lid off

Her eyes went wide "Lee it's beautiful" She pulled it out of its cute box it was a thin silver chain with a spiral on it. "Help me put it on" I got up to help her when we heard a knock at the door.

"Done, quick open the door I think it's starting to rain" She ran to the door

"Hey girls!" I heard her yell as I made my way to the door

"Hey babe I got you some chocolate, aww cute necklace" I heard Candy gabble

"Thanks for the chocs, and I know Lee got it for me" Rachel answered

"Lee's here?" Lorey asked. Lorey was quite and sweet where as Candy was more excitable

"Yup" I said as I went to stand behind Rachel

"I thought you would be later then us because you were with Sam" Lorey said

"I was, but he was ill" I answered

"Oh I'm sure he'll be fine"

"Rach are you gunna let us in or are we gunna stand out here all day?"

She moved out the way and we all followed her to her room

"Here Rach I got you some bracelets" Lorey handed Rach some little silver bracelets

"Awww they're cute" She said as she put them on her wrist

We spent the next 2 hours gossiping and getting ready. We spoke about anything and everything. I wore a tight blue dress that hung a few inches above my knee. It hugged my curves perfectly. It had cute pleats just below my neck. Candy wore a black dress the neck line was quite low it fitted tightly round her waist. Lorey wore a blue babydoll dress it had a tie round her waist the bottom part hung loosely just above her knee. Rachel wore a blue one shoulder bow dress she looked stunning.

"Come on girlys lets hit the town" yelled Candy

We all pilled into Lorey's car, she wasn't drinking so she was driving.

When we got into the club we went straight to the bar ordered a coke and 3 shots. I felt the buzz as the alcohol burned my throat.

*-*-*

I squeezed my eyes shut and slowly opened them to see the familiar view of my bedroom ceiling. The first thing I that I felt was the pain in my head. I looked at my clock 12. God I slept till noon. I opened the draw next to my bed and took 2 headache tablets. What even happened last night? I silently asked myself. I slowly made my way downstairs. I sat down. I felt the pain ripple through my skull.

The phone started to ring it pierced through my skull. The good thing about Seth is no matter where in the house he is he always runs to get the phone he started it when he was a kid and he hasn't stopped since.

Just as I thought I heard Seth answer the phone.

"Yep I'll just get her for you" he said into the phone he turned to me "Leah, Karen's on the phone she wants to talk to you"

"Sam's mum?" I asked

He nodded his head like a crazy person. "Pass her here" he past me the phone

"Hello" I sounded ruff, I cleared my throat and tried again "Hello"

"Leah honey, is that you?" Karen asked

"Yeah"

"Leah, is Sam with you" she sounded close to hysterics

"No I haven't seen him since like 6 last night when I told him to go home coz he was burning up, why?"

"He left to get the pizza from the pizza place last night and he never came back I called the restaurant but they said he never turned up" she was crying now

"Oh my god" Sam would never leave his house and not come back without telling anyone this was not like him!

"Leah I've got to go I'm going to call the police I'll see you soon" she hung up on me

Seth looked at me "What's wrong?" he asked

"Sam's gone missing"

**Okay this chapter was really to give you the idea of what Leah was like before and how she change because of stuff in her life **** Also there is a major reason why the photo in Leah's house is just Leah, Seth and Emily but don't worry about that now **** next chap is probably how Leah's looking for Sam then he comes back and he might meet Emily **** Review**


	3. Why fearless is just a word

**Okay well I got Leah, Sam and the others ages wrong so just to let you know they're actually like 18 x but Seth is still 14 :D**

**So here's the 3****rd**** chap hope you enjoy**

**Why fearless is just a word**

2 weeks. It had been 2 weeks since Sam had disappeared of the face of planet. To say I was freaking out was an understatement. I spent everyday in the woods, with his mum, looking for him. The police were helping out as well, my cousin Emily came down to help too but after 2 weeks we had all nearly given up hope. Rachel called everyday to see what was going on, Lorey, Candy and some of Sam's high school friends were helping out this was the last day of the search, then we would have to assume he wasn't coming back. I cried myself to sleep every night but even then I hardly got any sleep what so ever. I kept having nightmares.

_I was standing alone in the woods. It was night and I could hardly see. I heard a scream and Emily ran out her face covered in blood she was backing away from me. I was wondering why when I turned around and saw a huge black wolf staring straight at me._

It was the same every night. But I had no idea what it could mean. My mind was so unfocused lately that it could mean anything.

I ran my fingers through my hair. I am so stressed out! If…I mean When Sam comes back everything will go back to normal. He's the only guy I've ever trusted, well him my dad, my brother, my uncle, etc. Well the only guy outside of my family. If anything happened to him I don't know what I'd do. I gave him my heart and that's not easy to take back.

I got dressed in simple jeans, T-shirt and jacket. I quickly brushed through my hair; I didn't even bother to put make-up on. Which is so unlike me.

We were searching the woods near Sam's house again. Still nothing.

When it started to get dark Chief Swan – my dad's good friend Charlie – called us all in.

"Sorry kids, but I don't think we're gunna find anything out here" He told us

"Come on Charlie, please just a few more days" I begged

"Look kido, if there was something to find we would have found it by now. In 2 weeks all we've found is his ripped up clothes. I'm sorry Leah but there's nothing more we can do"

My eyes filled with tears, Emily put her arm around me and whispered in my ear "Come on lets go home" I half walked, half got dragged home. I had never felt so hopeless in all my life. Sam couldn't of left he loved me; he gave me his heart I gave him mine. He can't have just got up and walked away. We were made for each other.

*-*-*

11:23. I know the time exactly it was 11:23pm everyone was in bed. My mum, dad, brother even Emily was fast asleep. However I was wide awake, just staring at the wall in my dark living room. That's when I heard it; at first I thought I imagined it. Then I heard it again only louder a knock at the door. Who would knock at this time of night? Couldn't it wait till morning?

I swung open the door. And there he stood. Before I could stop myself the tears were rolling down my cheeks. He pulled me into a hug, I kept hitting his chest over and over again, my hands started to hurt but I kept going. He just held me in his strong arms.

"Where did you go, Sam?" I chocked out

"Shhh" he tried to sooth

"Just tell me" I cried

"I…I can't. I haven't even been home yet, I came right here, I don't even know if what happened really happened, Lee I just don't want to think about it now please Leah I love you"

"I…I love you too"

"Always have always will"

"Forever and always?"

"Forever an always"

"I have to go home tell my mum I'm alright, I'll come back tomorrow about 12ish" he turned to leave "I love you so much Lee Lee" and with that he ran of into the night.

That night was the first night I slept all the way through with not one bad dream.

*-*-*

I sat in my usual place at the breakfast table. Emily turned to me "I was thinking, we don't need the police to come with us we can just search the forest on our own"

"No need" I replied

"What? Why?" Seth asked

I smiled "Coz he came by last night, he's back!"

"Why did he leave in the first place that boy need's to learn some manners, he can't just come and go whenever he feels like it" Emily screamed

"He's not like that, he's coming round later, wait till you meet him then you'll feel differently" I said calmly, she looked unbelieving "Trust me" I whispered she slowly nodded her head.

"Anyways you know that house I wanted to rent?" She said trying to lighten the mood

I nodded "The cute yellow one near the sea, kinda on its own, 2 stores, 2 bed?"

"Yeah" she said eagerly "I got it I'm moving in 2 days! You can come too if you want?"

"That would be great!!!!!!!!!!!"

Okay it was nearly 1 where the heck was Sam. My whole family was in the living room Emily kept muttering "Needs to learn some manners" I heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get it" I sang, my dad followed me to the door

"Hey Sam" I said as I opened the door

"Hey" he pulled me into a bear hug "Sorry I'm late I…um I had to talk to old Quil"

"Why?" I asked

"He just wanted to talk…you know see if I was alright" He answered my dad gave him a knowing smile

"Okay" I said slowly "Well Sam you have to meet my cousin Emily, you will love her!"

I pulled him into the living room "Em come here and meet Sam"

He looked up to meet her gaze. They both froze. Sam looked at her with love and adoration. Not the way you look at your girlfriend's cousin.

"Um…I…I have to go" With that he ran out the house

"Yeah I don't think much of him" Emily stated

My dad looked sombre "Oh you will"

What the hell was that about?

*-*-*

Next day went by I didn't see Sam.

Day 2 he still kept his distance

That day I helped Emily move all her stuff into her new house in La Push. It was the most adorable house ever. It was the dream house white little picket fence, gleaming white door, cute yellow walls. But even though it was a small cottage, inside was a beautiful kitchen.

"Where's all your boxes Lee?" Emily asked when I turned up

"Well I thought you could move in today, we get all your stuff in, then I'll move in, in about 2 weeks, otherwise we'll have boxes all over the place and that would not be good" I answered

"Good plan" she smiled

*-*-*

**1 week later**

I'd seen Sam a couple of times he seemed weird, distant like he wasn't sure if he really wanted to be there with me. I couldn't just not talk about it anymore so I was n the phone to Rachel

"He's probably just going through a phase I mean he's only been back a week and a half give him time" She said

"I know but it's just the way he looked at Emily…I just don't know what to do Rach!" I cried

"Look Leah I'm gunna be honest Emily is gorgeous, but you Leah you are hot and if Sam doesn't realize that then he's dumber then I thought"

"Thanks Rach, I gotta go I promised Emily we would have some girl time"

"That's cool, call me when you can"

"Bye" I hung up the phone and started to walk to Emily and, soon to be, mine house.

When I got to the door there was a note stuck on the door

_Gone for a walk_

_Be back soon_

_Love_

_Em_

_Xxx_

While I was waiting for Emily I decided to take a walk down first beach. There was a figure lying on the ground. I ran over it was Emily. 3 deep cuts ran from her left eye down to her mouth. "Emily!" I screamed I called 911 they told me they were on their way.

I crouched down next to Emily "Em, please wake up, don't die, I don't know what I'll do without, please Em!" Tears were running down my face. My mascara was all smudged but I more important things to worry about then my appearance.

*-*-*

Emily had been asleep for the last 4 hours. They believe a bear clawed her. Not likely! I mean what would a bear be doing on first beach. Sam hadn't left the room yet, which I'm not sure is a good or a bad thing. I had gone to get some coffee for us. Emily's parents were coming down, my uncle and aunty along with my cousin Sarah, Emily's sister. My mum, dad and brother were in the waiting room.

When I got to Emily's room I heard voices, they were muffled so I got closer, the door was wide open so that made it easier. What would Emily and Sam have to talk about?

"Emily I love you" Sam said

"I…I think I love you too" Emily whispered

I dropped the coffee, the china smashed across the floor. They both looked up at me. The tears were falling freely.

"So, this is why, you refused to leave her room? Is that the only reason you stayed with me? So you could screw my cousin? And Emily how could you?" I screamed

"Leah it's…" Emily started but I ran from the room

I ran into the waiting room where Seth stopped me "What's wrong Leah?" He asked

"They love each other" I said in a sarcastic voice "They fucking love each other!!!!" I screamed before running from the hospital running from my family running from Sam and Emily

*-*-*

The next day I was sitting on my bed crying into the phone to Rachel, telling her everything.

"It sounds to me that they're both fucking asshole who need to get a fucking brain scan I mean are they insane!"

That's when the slut walked in the scars that will forever be on her face. I see it as a punishment for what she did

"Rach I have to go _she's _here"

"Tell that fucking whore that if she wants your forgiveness the best way to start is to crawl into a ball and die" She hung up

I wiped my eyes no way was I going to let this bitch see me cry

"What do you want" I hissed

She was crying "Lee"

"Don't call me that!" I screamed

She flinched "Leah, don't do this we're practically sisters, move in with me like we were supposed to"

"Don't try that oh so innocent act on me I know what you are. You're a dirty fucking whore! And we are not sisters!"

Her eyes moved to my note board where I had all the pictures of my friends on. Right in the middle was a picture of me and _her_. I yanked it off

"Leah please all I want is your forgiveness, it wasn't supposed to be like this!"

I smiled at her and evil dangerous smile "In the words of a friend if you want my forgiveness the best way to start is to crawl into a ball and die" I ripped the picture in 2 her on one side me on the other. She gasped.

I pulled of a picture of me and Sam and handed it to her "Give this to lover boy" I told her

"And so you don't forget this moment" I handed the 2 pieces with me and her on "Have these my treat, you can go now" I smiled at her

She didn't budge "Leave now!!!!!!!" I screamed and she ran just like a good little slut

**Please review x**HHHhHHhh


	4. Trying and not succeeding 2 get over him

**Thanks to everyone that's reviewed :D Sorry I didn't update earlier but it's been snowing so I've had 3 snow days :D it's great!!!!!!!**

**Trying and not succeeding to get over him**

I sat cross legged on my bed, staring at the wall. I hadn't done anything since I'd seen Emily 5 days ago. My friends had called a few times, I hadn't spoken to them. I hadn't spoken to anyone. I didn't want eat the only reason I did was because every day Seth would come into my room with food on a tray and sit next to me. He spoke about school and what was on TV. I never spoke back.

I didn't cry, didn't talk about my feelings. Just sat there. Staring.

It didn't help that my dad didn't think Sam had done anything wrong. He wasn't angry that some guy had broken his little girl's heart. Complete opposite in fact he was _pleased _Sam and Emily had found each other.

_I was sitting on my bed. Doing nothing. They didn't know I could hear them from my room. But I could. _

_There was a knock at the door "Sam" My dad greeted no 'what are you doing here?' not 'get off my property you scum you broke my little girl's heart' nope none of that._

"_Hello Harry" Sam replied _

"_How are you Sam? How's Emily?"_

"_I'm great never been happier" Those words we're like a stab in the heart "Emily's good doesn't even care about the scars as long as we can be together" give me a bucket "But every time I look at her I feel so guilty" why would he feel guilty it wasn't his fault a bear attack Emily on the beach, even though that sounds so unlikely. Not that I care anymore._

"_Sam as great as it is to see you, why are you here?" My dad questioned_

"_I'm here to talk to Leah" Sam said_

"_I'm not sure…" my dad begun_

"_Please Harry, I need to sort this out" _

"_If you think that's for the best" my dad replied TOTAL PUSH OVER!_

_I heard Sam stomp up the stairs. I sat there emotionless. He grabbed the handle to my door._

"_I don't think you should go in there" Seth said I sighed in relief_

"_Why not? I need to speck to her" Sam growled_

"_Good luck with that, she hasn't spoken since she got home, nothing, she looks like crap, like…like a zombie"_

"_Not talking?" Sam asked "She seemed to be talking when she told Emily to crawl into a ball and die"_

"_I don't care about your precious Emily; I'm worried about my sister Leah, the love of your life just a few days ago!" Seth yelled_

"_Things change" Sam whispered_

"_Yeah they do, I used to think you were alright, but now I want you to get the hell out of my house and I don't want you or Emily anywhere near my sister" _

God bless Seth. He has to be the best little brother alive.

Weeks passed and I realized I had sat in my room for 2 weeks. I couldn't do this for the rest of my life. Sam was right things do change. I will never be the same again. But I can at least pretend for Seth.

Speck of the devil. Seth appears with 2 trays of food he handed me one and sat down next to me.

"So how was school?" I croaked

Seth looked at me his face was taken over by so many different emotions in that second it was almost funny to watch, it started with confusion then went on to shock, relief and finally a huge goofy smile crept across his face.

"It was alright, you know"

I laughed it hurt, because in that second I knew for sure that I'm not fearless and I can't just open up my heart again, I will never love anyone the way I love Sam. I doubt I'll ever stop loving Sam. It felt so painful to love someone you hate. I hated Sam for what he had done to me but I couldn't stop loving him. Ever.

They say tomorrow is gone and there's no way to get it back. That life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life was easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

But what if you can't help but love the people who don't teat you right? If everything happens for a reason, why would the universe push so much so much pain into my life? I took a chance, I let Sam meet Emily, it changed my life, but what if I didn't what it to? What if I wanted everything to go back to normal? Life isn't easy, and it sure isn't worth it either.

"Education is important; school however, is another matter." I replied

He laughed "It was alright for you miss I'm-so-popular"

I hit him on the head with my pillow but laughed as well, then wished I hadn't it reminded me of Sam, everything reminded me of Sam.

I looked down at my ring finger and noticed I still had his engagement ring on. I slowly pulled it off.

"Seth, I need you to do me huge favour" I turned to face him

"Anything" he replied without hesitation

I put the ring in his hand "I need you to give this back to" I stumbled over the word but forced myself to say it "Sam, I want him to know I'm over him…or at least make him think I am"

Seth looked down at the ring in his hand, he thought about it or what seemed like forever "Okay" he finally said

"Thanks, I don't think I'll be able to face him"

"I understand" He got up to leave "You should probably call your friends I know they're worried sick about you"

When Seth left, I picked up the phone next to my bed and dialled Lorey's number.

She picked up on the second ring "Hello"

"Hey, it's Leah" I started

"Leah!" She squealed "We have been _so_ worried!"

"Leah's on the phone" I heard Candy ask in the background

"Well I was wondering if you 2 wanted to go shopping with me tomorrow around 10ish?" I asked

"Well I'll defiantly be there, let me just ask Candy" Lorey replied I heard her ask Candy "Yup, we we'll both be there meet you outside New Look, okay?"

"Okay, see you at 10 outside New Look, bye"

"Bye"

I still felt empty and depressed but getting my life back on track seemed like the next best thing to happen.

Next I called Rachel "Hello" She answered on the first ring

"Rach, its Leah"

"Leah?" She cried then burst into tears "Leah, I've been so worried, I was gunna come down but Seth said you just needed time, but, but oh god Lee I've missed you"

"Rach I'm so confused I love him but I hate him and…and I don't know what to do" the tears rolling down my face

"Lee, it just takes time avoid them as much as possible and sooner or later you will find someone 1 million times better then that bastard"

"Your right" I smiled it was stiff but it was genuine

We spoke for hours about nothing and everything. Afterwards I didn't know if I felt better or worse. I mean after you talk to someone aren't you meant to feel better? Then why don't I?

I spent ages getting ready the next morning. I tried to make it look like I hadn't been I my room for last 2 weeks. I think I succeeded.

I drove up to Port Angles by the time I got to New Look they were already there. I started to run towards them, and pulled them both into a mahosive (ma-who-sive mix between massive and huge!) vice like hug.

"Leah!" They both squeaked and returned the hug.

We were sitting Costa Coffee just talking.

"You know Henry from school" Candy asked "He got arrested, possession of a gun that wasn't licensed of something, the gun could of killed someone" such a gossip

"Guns don't kill people, people kill people" Lorey stated

"Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people" I snorted

"Good point" Candy said I looked over her head. I gasped, the reason my world was upside down, the devil of my own personal hell. Emily, Emily fucking Young.

Candy and Lorey followed my gaze. Candy grounded her teeth together got up and ran to her, Lorey followed. I couldn't hear what they were saying but Emily had tears in her eyes. I walked over.

"You have a nerve being here, do you know what you've put Leah through?" Candy yelled

"You're supposed to be practically her sister, all we've ever heard about you is how nice you are and how you couldn't hurt a fly, well looks like you hurt more then just a fly you hurt our friend your cousin" Lorey screamed then she did something I didn't even think was possible from sweet, kind Lorey she slapped Emily. She was left with a huge red mark across her scarred cheek.

When I got close enough to be heard, I snorted. Lorey and Candy fell back so I could be right in front of her. She looked into my eyes pleading with me.

"Leah" Her voice was weak just above a whisper

"I have nothing to say to you, I can't put into words how much I hate you, I could try but you're no even worth my breath" tears rolled down her face

"One day" She chocked "One day we'll look back on this and laugh"

"I don't see myself talking to you in the foreseeable future, but let's say a miracle happens, we'll look back at this, laugh nervously, then change the subject" I paused "This is the part where you cry harder and run away" then she cried harder and ran away

I laughed a sarcastic laugh, then I immediately felt guilty and looked to where she had ran off.

"Don't waste your time feeling sorry for her, think about what she did to you. What her and Sam did to you" Candy said into my ear

I sighed "Yeah I guess your right"

"Damn right we're right I didn't slap her for no reason" Lorey said

"Yeah where the hell did that come from I thought you were all like 'violence is never the answer'" Candy asked

"Well violence never is the answer…normally but on this occasion it was a different matter" I raised my eyebrows at her "That Emily she was being a bitch"

Candy fake gasped "Did you just swear?"

I whistled

"I'm not all innocent you know!" She screeched which caused Candy to laugh harder.

When I got home my mum, dad and Seth we're sitting down ready to watch a movie

"Leah" my mother called from the sitting room

"Yup" I said

"Come watch this with us" I went into the room and sat down next to Seth

"What we watching?" I asked

Seth groaned "Some romantic comedy"

"I'm gunna go to my room ya know long day" I got up and walked out the room dad followed

"Leah, go back in there and watch that film with us, your family" He told me

"But I don't want to watch a romantic film, I want to sit in my room or watch a different movie, why can't you see how much this is hurting me dad everything reminds me of _him_ I can't do anything, and you" I pointed my finger at him "You don't care you told _him _you were _pleased _for him, do you have any idea how that makes me feel, you're my dad your supposed to be all angry, but your not I'm your little girl…I wish…I wish" Then I burst into tears and ran to my room and dived onto my bed face down.

There was a knock at the door, I didn't turn to see who it was, they sat down next to me on my bed and started stroking my hair.

"Leah" It was my dad of coarse "I don't mean to hurt you I just…just don't know what to say I didn't want to make things worse, Lee you will always be my little girl, it's just I know what Sam's going through, but I'll always put you first because you're my daughter and I love you, and I wouldn't have it any other way"

I looked up at him "Promise" I chocked

"Promise" He pulled me into a hug

**Thanks please review :D Next will be the wolf bit but don't hold me to it I may change my mind x**


	5. Growled?

**Hey x I know I haven't updated in a while but I kept having snow days then it was my birthday party on Saturday. My friend thought it would be a good idea to stick her hand in a candy grabber got her hand stuck! Hilarious! Anywho it my birthday tomorrow I'm gunna be 14 and I can't can't can't wait!!!!!!! So yeah…hope you enjoy the chap :D xXx**

**Growled?**

That's it! I give up I hate my fucking life!

It's been months since Sam left me for my no good, scared for life, back stabber of a cousin and I STILL can't get over it. I can't believe the love of my life had gone behind my back with the devil (known to those who actually still think of her as family – dad – as Emily!) The fucker had betrayed me in the worse way possible, and she still thinks "We can be friends, in the end Leah, we'll be best friends again" she had the fucking nerve to call me up and say this, as I politely replied "Fuck you, you fucking dirty whore! Stay away from me I had your guts! And I'll never be your fucking friend again you slut!" Before hanging up the phone, she hadn't tried to call again.

But what made my life finally screw up more then it already was, was the fact that Sam keeps trying to apologise "Leah it wasn't meant to be this way" "It's not you it's me" "What I have with Emily is just…to much to stay away from" "I love you Leah, I just love Emily more" to which I always answer with a "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME" but does he listen NO!!! Fucker keeps coming back!

But today had to the worst day of my life! See I've been living my life in some weird numb state. Not really living, not really feeling the pain of the betrayal, just doing what I had to do nothing more nothing less, just living.

I got home from the shops and went to make some lunch, it was a normal cloudy day nothing exactly interesting about it. I decided to make tomato pasta, for no reason really just felt like it, you know?

Anyway half way through when I got out the sauce and looked at the breakfast bar, I felt a stab in my chest as I realised Sam had sat there, right in front of me when he came round my house for the first time, we were study partners for some history thing, we were hungry so I decided to make tomato pasta.

Its funny how small things can affect you. How the pain can come rushing back. When your heart feels a stabbing pain that you can't ignore no matter how hard you try. The love you feel. But the hatred. When it makes your head spin. When you know there's nothing you can do but take it. When you know you'll never stop loving him.

It's like what my dad always used to say "You want what you can't have, and when you get it you don't want it anymore" but it's a lie if I got a second chance with Sam I'd hold on and never let go no matter what. And as much as I hate to admit it I love him and always will.

I slowly slide down to the floor still holding the sauce. I squeezed my eyes shut real tight, but tears still fell down my face.

"Leah?" I wiped my eyes not wanting Seth to see me like this.

"Seth?" I crocked

"I guess you saw it then?"

"Saw what!?" I jumped off the floor

"The invite to Emily and Sam's wedding" I looked at my baby brother and saw a look that I thought would never screw up his features true, hatred "Me, mum and dad got one together, you got your own one, haven't opened that yet?" I looked at him. He got the message and left the room and when he came back he had an envelope in his hand, he passed it to me

"Thanks" I squeaked

"It's actually kinda dumb they haven't decided a date yet…"

"Then why the fuck are they sending these out!?" I screamed

"Don't ask me!" He yelled before storming out the room

I slowly opened the envelope; I wiped the tears that had already started to fall.

_You are invited_

_to _

_Sam and Emily's wedding_

_Time: N/A_

_Place: N/A_

_Date: N/A_

_We will send another invite when_

_times and dates are decided_

Were they officially trying to break my heart this letter pretty much screams "We're getting married suck on that Leah!"

I was about to throw it in the bin when a small note fell out I picked it up

_Leah_

_Me and Sam will not get married_

_until you decide to be my bridesmaid_

_Sam agrees when I say we will not get married_

_till you are there and my bridesmaid_

_if it wouldn't be to much to ask I would _

_like you to be my maid of honour_

_I know that it was supposed to be your _

_wedding but if you could find it in your_

_heart to forgive us, and come to our_

_wedding I would appreciate it_

_your best friend for ever Emily x_

_Sam also agrees with everything I have said_

What the hell!?

I picked up the phone in the hall and dialled Emily (and probably Sam)'s number.

Someone picked up on the second ring

"Hello" I forgot how low and sexy his voice was "Hello" he said again pulling me out of my trance

I cleared my throat "Hello, is this Sam? I was kinda calling for Emily"

"Leah?" Sam asked

"The one the only" I replied

"Did you get our invite and note?"

"Yup, that's kinda what I was calling about, so if I could please talk to Emily" preferably before I make a dick of myself begging for you to come back to me.

"Yeah, one sec" I heard shuffling "Emily" I guess he was now talking to the shiny new love of his life "its Leah she's on the phone it's about the wedding, you know the note we sent"

"Leah!?" I heard the witch cry. There was a bit of a scrabble then "Leah it that really you?" She asked

"Really me" I answered in a bored voice

"I'm so glad you called, we can finally start the preparations now that you're on board…"

"Who said I was on board?" I asked

"Well you called so I thought that…" she nearly whispered

"I called to tell you that if your gunna wait for me to be your bridesmaid your gunna wait a hell of a long time, maid of honour in your dreams, and I can't look into my heart coz you and Sam personally ripped it out of my chest and jumped on it, so when hell freezes over give me a call, K?" I said in a polite tone (Note that I did not swear once)

"But…but….it…you… you were meant to call up apologize for being a bitch and accept being my maid of honour" She stuttered

"You can't have everything you want can you? And also me? Being a bitch? When you stole my fiancé? And you're planning to marry him"

"Lee don't be like that"

"Good bye Emily" And I hung up the phone

The phone started to ring, and me being the dumb arse I am, picked up

"Hello" I answered

"Leah!" Sam cried "Look I know you're upset and all that, but Emily's crying now…and I know you Leah…so why the fuck did you have to be so harsh!"

"Now, now Sam no swearing"

"WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO YOU?" He screamed

"WELL YOU JUST TOLD ME YOU KNEW ME OH SO WELL, SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME" I screamed right back

"Come on Lee Lee tell me what's wrong" He said a lot more calmly. Wow, the Sam I knew couldn't get calm that fast he shouldn't be asking me what's happened I should be asking him. To bad I haven't got the über awesome new calm thing Sam's got going for him so instead I flipped out.

"DON'T CALL ME LEE LEE!" I screamed in a deafening high pitched voice.

I hadn't even noticed Seth was standing behind me until he pulled the phone out for my hands "Hey Sam" pause "Yeah I know" pause "Don't tell me that my sister needs to calm down!" pause "You know what…STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM LEAH IN FACT STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY WHOLE FAMILY!" pause, Seth laughed, but it wasn't a happy, jokey laugh more like if you don't shut up now I'm going to kill you laugh "Oh and tell Emily that Grandma doesn't want her round for the normal Christmas stuff this year, coz she's being a bitch" pause "Oh hey Emily" pause "I believe Grandma's exact words were "I don't want that dirty man stealer any where near my house, she can so whatever she wants at Christmas, just don't come anywhere near me and my family, stupid bitch" That was pretty much it" pause "Oh crap your crying" pause "Yeah well.." he shook his head "Bye"

Seth turned to look at me "Did Grandma really say that?" I asked in wonder

He smiled a evil smile "Well…not in so many words…but she did say she didn't want her over for Christmas"

I hugged him "Did you know I love you?"

"Of coarse I did…everyone loves me I'm just so loveable"

I snorted "Whatever helps you sleep at night baby bro"

He rolled his eyes

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"No fucking way!" I had just finished telling Rachel what went down with devil on earth (Emily to those who, even after all I've said, think she is a fucking angel from above)

I flopped down on my bed "Yup"

"Does that girl want a slap?" She asked

"Don't know, but you should have seen Seth he was like "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM LEAH IN FACT STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY WHOLE FAMILY!" It was awesome!"

"No way! Little Seth Clearwater?"

"Yup"

"I wonder if my little brother would do that for me? Little Jacob Black" She asked

"Not so little anymore" I sighed

"What d'you mean?"

"He's had some massive grow spurt ditched Quil, him and Embry hang with Sam now"

"No way! Well then I think I need a chat with the little-who's-not-so-little-anymore-coz-he-had-a-major-grow-spurt bastard!" And with that she hung up. I rolled my eyes typical Rachel

The phone rang…please don't be Sam and/or Emily please please please

"Hello?" I asked almost scared to answer

"Hi, is that you Leah? It's Charlie, Charlie Swan"

"Oh hey chief, you looking for my dad"

"Yeah" I jumped of my bed and went on the search for my dad "So how you been Lee?"

"Alright" I answered "How bout you and Bella"

"Were good" he answered "In fact I think Bella's finally getting over that Edward Cullen" Oh yeah that's right she dated Cullen, he left her without reason in the woods, Sam found her "Yeah in fact she's in La Push now with Jacob Black" I could almost hear the smile in his voice "If you see Jake and Bella tell them that we're having take out tonight and to be home for 6, you see Jake a lot right?" Charlie sure talks a lot

"Not lately, I only really used to see him coz of Rach and now she's gone I haven't really seen any of the Black's" I walked into the kitchen "Dad" My dad turned around "Charlie's on the phone" I handed it to him

"Thanks sweetheart"

I walked in the living room and flopped on the coach next to Seth

"Who was on the phone?" He asked

"Charlie"

"You know I never understood why Charlie is short for Charles when they have the same number of letters?"

"Some things are meant to just be left unknown, baby brother"

* * *

Well it's been like nearly a year since Sam left and I am completely over him I haven't thought about him in months, I'm even going to their wedding as maid of honour, me and Em are best buddies again and me and Sam are friends now…

Okay if any believed that…just don't even talk to me coz you have to be having a fucking laugh if you thought that was true.

I am soooooooooo not over Sam my heart still gets that pain when I think about him…wait…ouch…there it was

I can't stop thinking about him and Emily it's driving me nuts

I am so not going to their wedding, Emily or Sam calls like once a week and ever time I say "HELL NO!" before they even say anything

I am no where near 'best buddies' with the devil i.e. Emily to people who still don't get it

Sam well what do I say about Sam…is it possible to hate and uncontrollably love someone at the same time?

Anyways I looked in the mirror, have I grown? I swear I look at least an inch taller I gotta be like 5'6'' when I'm normally like the average 5'5'' and my skin feels really hot, strange. Maybe I'm coming down with something.

Shit 7:58 I need to be at work in like 2 minutes shit, shit, shit.

I looked in the mirror…good to go. As I was running down the stairs I banged into something. A wall? I looked up to see my baby brother. I mean I actually had to look up embarrassing or what.

I knew what was happening it was happening to all the guys around here. It's just what happened to Sam, one day he just seemed to grow Sam went from like 6' to like 6'6'' in 3 days, they get all mussely, to be fair they all start to look seriously hot (not that I noticed this about Seth just the others) and older around 23-24ish I don't know about any of the other guys but I do know Sam's skin got really hot, like burning. Then one day disappear off the face of the planet for a week or 2. When they come back they'll like Sam's best friends or something they follow him round like lost puppies. First Sam Uley went, but you already knew that, few months later Jared Murphy went then for no reason he was suddenly in love with a girl called Kim Franks, just like what happened between Sam and Emily apart from Jared didn't break anyone's heart. Like a week later Paul Wise vanished, he was gone for a good month before he came back. Embry Call was next, soon after was Jacob Black who ditched Bella and then she was brought into the group too. I noticed Quil Ateara was growing too, soon he'd be just like the rest and my baby brother will join too and there's nothing I can do.

"God Seth you on steroids, or something?" I asked jokely but he knew I was serious "You've grown like loads!"

"No shit Sherlock" He looked down at me. Down! I'm his big sister! I knew he was bound to get taller one day but not whilst he was only 15! "I don't know just some major grow spurt"

"Hey just coz you're taller and only 15 where as I'm 19 and shorter you will not get cocky at me" I pointed my finger at him

He rolled his eyes smiled and walked off "Hey aren't you meant to be at school?" I yelled

"Yeah, but dad said I could have the day off, temperature or something. Shouldn't you be at work?" He called back

"Yup, I've got a temperature too so don't give me anymore lurgies" He chuckled lightly

"Lee!" Candy screamed as I came through the door of the shop, I ran over and gave her a hug.

"Girl, how you been?" I asked

"Alright, been hanging with Nick" her new boyfriend "we're finally getting serious, I'm off now turns out not my day to come in, I'm such an idiot, me, you, Lorey shopping next week?"

"Sounds awesome, you can give me the dirt on you and Nick" to be honest I didn't want to hear it Sam had made be bitter about relationships and love.

She laughed "I'll call you" She called as she ran out the door

I was manning the till in the shop like always. You know what seeing as I can't marry Sam like I always planned why not go to collage? It would get me away from La Push, away from Sam and Emily, away from Sam's gang (the protectors)! It's perfect!

Think of the devil.

Sam and his cronies came in, all of them Sam, Jared, Paul, Embry and finally Jacob. Sam looked over at me and smiled I glared back. Bastard!

Paul came over with a load of sweets, and put them on the counter

"$4" I said

"Your Leah, right?" He asked

"Yup" I popped the 'p'

He nodded "Sam thi-talks about you a lot nearly as much as Emily" I grounded my teeth together, he seemed to notice coz he smiled…I hate him…you know thought I might tell the world!

"Okay, Lee…can I call you Lee" He asked leaning against the side

"No" I answered he smiled even bigger at my response

"Well you see Lee" I rolled my eyes, how immature is he? "I only have $3, can I a have 'em anyways seeing as I'm mates with your ex?"

I growled. Wait, _growled?_ I shook my head. All of Sam's guys were looking at me. My hands started to shake; my whole body did a heat rolled over my spin. Paul took a step back. I took a deep breath "I'm sorry but if you don't have $4, fuck off" I smiled sweetly

Sam came over "Paul give her the $3 I'll pay the rest" Paul gave Sam the money, which he handed to me. Our hands brushed each others. He gasped, like a full girly gasp. The money was dropped all over the counter. I started to pick up the money till Sam grabbed my wrist "What the fuck!" I yelled

"Leah, you've got a temperature" He said the other guys, who were still staring at us, looked in shock.

"Not possible!" Paul yelled grabbing my arm

I yanked my arm away from him "Look okay, no need to go girly freak out, Seth's got a temperature in fact he's off school, probs just caught it of him" I said calmly

"It's not an illness you can catch" Jared replied walking over

"What the hell?" I asked looking at him

"Leah where's your dad?" Sam asked quietly

"Sam, I can take care of myself I'm not a little girl" I answered raising my voice slightly

He leaned close to my face "Where the fuck is your dad, Leah? Or so hope me god…" He practically growled.

I waited for a few seconds seeing if he was serious he didn't move so I guess he was.

"Billy's why?" He didn't answer just turned around and left the shop, his 'gang' following. I shook my head after them.

When I got home I sat on my bed with my laptop on. I stared at the website, Settle University. Could I do this? Leave everything? Too many bad memories, but so much more good ones. Could I leave Seth? Mum? Dad? Rachel did. But she left coz her mum died, I would be leaving coz of a boy. Could I pick up and leave La Push? No! I couldn't! I couldn't leave my family!

My mind was saying NO! To bad my body had other ideas. I filled out the application.

I couldn't leave! Everything I've ever known is here. Send. Well that was unexpected. I guess my application is somewhere in cyberspace now. No way to get it back. I sighed oh well. I smiled, I could go to uni!!!!! I started jumping on my bed. Until my stomach growled. Shit I was hun-gry.

I trotted down stairs and raided the fridge. Why the hell am I soooooooo hungry?

_Coz food tastes good that's why_

Wow! Maybe I'm going crazy ho hum.

* * *

I few days later I got an email through from…THE UNIVERSITY OF SETTLE!

I scanned it…OMG I got a full scholarship! I'M GING TO UNI! ME LEAH AVON CLEARWATER IS GOING TO UNIVERSITY!

I printed of the email, and ran down stairs, I was in the living room in a few secs, woah that was quick!

Mum and dad were on the sofa, Seth was listening to music but when he saw me he took out his headphones.

"Leah what is it?" My mum asked

I waved the email in the air "I GOT A FULL SCHOLARSHIP TO UNI! I'M GOING TO UNI!"

"WHAT!" My dad yelled grabbing the sheet of paper

"You can't go" He said calmly but sternly

"Why" I asked

"Because…" He said

"Because what?"

"I said!" He yelled

"I'm a legal adult! I can go if I want!" I screamed

"I'm still your father!" I turned to Seth

"Seth tell him he can't do this" I yelled

"Well dad, Leah is a grown up" Seth said calmly. Grown up seriously?

"She's just a little girl!" My dad bellowed

"She's not dad! She's a grown woman!" Seth started to shake

"Okay Seth, stay clam" My dad started to back towards the wall "Sue stay back"

"CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN?" Seth yelled

"Seth be calm" My dad said calmly

"DON'T TELL HIM WHAT TO DO!" I screamed I started to shake a hot burn crept up my spin, the pain was excruciating, like being burn alive.

I hit the ground on all fours.

**Did you like it review, review, review! Please x they mean a lot to me **


	6. I'm a what?

**Thanks to people who review x it means a lot x**

**I'm a what?**

A pain rippled across my back and down my limbs, my body seemed to be ripping itself apart. I heard a ripping noise as my clothes were ripped from my body. Sharp bolts of pain hit my bones and joints overshadowing the burn down my back. My spin bowed. My hips and shoulders popped in and out of their sockets. My elbows and knees made hollow cracking sounds, accompanied by vicious spears of pain. My nails thickened into hard, sharp claws. My mouth widened as the pain moved up to my head, like needles in the eyes. My jawbone rippled and my teeth transformed into long, sharp points. My tongue tingled in a weird sensation. My skin began to itch as fur rippled across my back, before covering my back.

I hit the ground on all fours.

It happened in a matter of seconds, yet it felt as though it lasted a lot longer.

I opened my eyes not realizing they had been closed. Everything was in amazing detail, and was I taller? I stumbled backwards. My mind was full of thoughts but not my own, they swirled around my brain, I focused trying to understand them.

_Quil, seriously just calm down and we can all go home _That sounded like Jared's voice but what was he doing in my head!?

_Don't worry man, you're doing good _Embry? Okay…

_I've been like this for three hours there's no way I'm getting back _That was Quil, but I'm gunna ask one more time…WHY ARE THEY IN MY HEAD!

_What the hells going on!?_ A voice that sounded just like my little brother said

_Seth!? Is that you? Can I ask what you're all going in MY HEAD!? _I mentally shouted

_Leah!? What are you doing in my head? _– Seth

_Leah!? Jared you owe me $10 I said she would be one of us _– Embry

_That's impossible Leah's a girl, this is for guys _– Paul

_What more people are wolves too? – _Quil

_WOLVES? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON! _I screamed in my head

_Leah? _Sam…What the hell was he doing in my head pain rippled through me at his voice even if it was only in my head.

_Yes…Are you gunna tell me what the fuck is going on? _I asked annoyed

_Leah listen and you Seth when you were kids was you told the legends? _He asked

_The fairytales my dad made up?_ Seth wondered

_What has a fairytale got to do with anything? _I asked

_Yeah _Sam answered Seth _…well they're all true we're all wolves and we can hear each other through our minds but only when were in wolf form, Quil only phased a few hours ago _He told us

They couldn't be true no way they were just weird little stories my dad made up to get us to go to sleep at night, but if they were true hadn't he said it was only guys who turned into wolves

_Well yes Leah, this is a guy thing you're the first female wolf in tribe history _Sam said

_How did you know what I was thinking _I asked

_We can all hear what you're thinking _He answered

_How is this even possible _Seth asked

_First you need the wolf gene in your blood, then the vampires – the Cullens – came back, next when we each get angry enough we fur out _

_NO WAY! _Seth shouted

I felt a sort of shimmer in my mind

_Hey guys _Jacob Black, Rachel little brother

_Wow another one joins the rave _I said my voice dripping with sarcasm

_Rave? That's not what I would call it _Jared said

_So we're all wolves…how do I get back to me? _I said choosing to ignore Jared

_Think of your human body, and thoughts that calm you _Sam answered

_Shit, shit, shit_ Jacob repeated

_What Jake? _Sam asked

We all saw what; it was like being sucked into his memories. It had to be the weirdest thing that's ever happened in my WHOLE life

Bella was standing on the cliff, the wind blowing round her, her hair flapping around. Even from here I could see that she was an initially average girl. Not beautifully stunning, but not ugly either. She was small and quite bony. She had pale ivory skin that seemed smooth and free of spots. Then she jumped, just jumped off the top of the cliff and into the water. She wasn't coming up.

Jacob phased back. Lucky, wish that I could get back that easily. He was in love with her. Stupid bastard. She was obviously in a bad place. Anyway love only hurts you, only breaks your heart he's better off without her.

I opened my eyes and turned to look at Seth, well what used to be Seth now a huge sandy wolf stood looking back at me. I could see what I looked like to him; I was WAY smaller or was that just how I looked in his mind and a light-ish grey colour fur covered my wolfy body.

"Leah" Mine and Seth's head wiped around to look at our dad. His hand clutched heart "Girls aren't wolves…my little girl…Leah" He fell to the ground, my mum rushed next to him calling the ambulance as she went.

Seth wined, I tried to say confuting words to my dad but all that came out was a wine as well.

I blocked out the voices in my head but still one seemed to come through _Think of your human body and relax _Sam said in a stern voice. So I did. I pictured me in the mirror and slowly I felt my back start to straighten. Before long I was standing in my living room naked. I grabbed the blanket that covers the sofa wrapping it around me. Before kneeling next to my dad.

* * *

I sat in the waiting area, Seth on my right in Sam's spare cut offs me in a top Sam had to be perfectly honest I didn't care if I looked like a homeless slut at the moment. Sam had turned up right before the ambulance came, gave me and Seth clothes.

Mum went in the ambulance with dad; Sam drove me, Seth, Jared and Paul to the hospital. Jacob had taken Bella home, Embry and Quil would be here soon.

Mum sat on my left clutching my hand. Sam had gone again to check on Jacob. But when he walked back into the hospital, he had the devil with him.

"Oh, Leah!" She ran over and pulled me into a hug, she pulled my hand, the one that my mum was holding, and pulled it to her heart "It's going to be okay, I promise"

I took a deep breath so that I wouldn't eat her whole. "Let go of my hand" I said it quietly; I looked up to meet her eyes. My blue eyes that were copied onto her face. Her scars that pulled down the right side of her face in three long red slits tugged down at her eye. Her face used to be so beautiful. It was almost a shame she had to keep those ugly scars for the rest of her life. I must have looked bloody scary because she dropped my hand and stepped away before walking away completely.

About an hour later we were all still in the waiting room Charlie, Billy, Quil and Embry had arrived earlier.

A doctor walked over to us, he seemed quite old with grey hair and a beard. He looked at his chart "Please can I talk to any family of Mr. Harry Clearwater" Me, Seth and Mum stood up to follow. I heard someone stumble behind "Wait I'm family" I turned to see Emily making her way over to us, I gave her the death glare "Or maybe I'll wait here for you guys" She sat back down. Good, severed you right bitch.

The doctor stood in front of us my mum in the middle holding both Seth and my hands, squeezing them tightly.

The doctor rose his head from his clipboard "I'm sorry" I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears rolled freely down my checks I shook my head hopping that it would go away "but he didn't make it, I'm sorry for your loss, someone will be over in a few minuets" Then he turned and walked away. Sorry? He was sorry? What did he know?

I started to shake, but desperately tried to calm down for my family. I turned to look at my baby brother; his jaw was set in a tight line trying not to cry. He was fifteen so young, my dad would never get to see him live, grow. My mum silently cried, I had never seen her look so vulnerable, she was the strongest person I knew to see her cry was like seeing La Push without the ocean.

"You both go tell the others I need sometime alone" My mum whispered her voice breaking slightly.

I grabbed Seth's hand and pulled him with me back round the corner. He pulled me into a tight hug before we stood in front of nearly perfect strangers the only people we knew really well were Emily, Sam, Charlie and Billy the rest were just…there. Sam stood up. I met his eyes and shook my head, before bursting into a whole new set of tears. Sam stepped forward pulling me into a hug, I let him needing more then ever for him to comfort me tell me it was going to be okay even though I knew I wasn't. I needed more then ever to make the pain go away. I sobbed into his chest only vaguely a where that he had no top on and all I had on was an super large top that came half way up my thigh.

"You mean he's dead?" Emily asked I pulled back from Sam's hug

"Yeah" I nodded wiping the tears from my face "He's gone" Emily burst into tears throwing her arms around Sam's neck but Sam's eyes never left my face. Probably scared I'd fur out at any second. I looked down at my bare feet

Seth sat in a chair his face in his hands. I leaned against the wall, where I found myself too tired to even stand so I lowered myself to the floor as tears rolled down my face. I felt someone slid into the space next to me and turned to see Sam. He smiled a small, sad a smile. I heard Emily bawl harder.

"Shouldn't you be with her" I nodded towards the sound of Emily crying

His eyes went sad "Probably, but you need me more" He put his arm around me all the guys were watching us he seemed to notice as well "Wunna go for a walk just us, you can cry if you want"

We sat outside the hospital entrance; Sam had his arm around me I had my head on his shoulder. We sat like that all night. I cried and cried and cried, I'd never cried more in my life and Sam held me. We didn't talk, just sat.

It was pitch black when my mum, Seth and Emily came out. "Sam I hope it's not too much to ask but Emily said we could ride home with you" my mum said in a strong voice. And if putting on that she was strong was her way of dealing with all this shit then could I blame her.

"Of coarse its okay, Sue" Sam replied

We all squeezed into Sam's car. Sam driving, mum in the front and me, Emily and Seth crammed into the back.

When we arrived at our house we all piled out. Sam stayed in the driver's seat as Emily made her way to sit in the passenger.

Sam rolled down the window "If you all want to stop by for breakfast tomorrow, I'll explain the whole wolf thing"

"We will be there" Mum said in her business voice

* * *

We pulled up to Sam and Emily's house it was just how I remembered it. The perfect family home. The family Emily will get with Sam. Not me, Emily. We walked in without knocking, everyone went silent. Everyone was there well all the guys, but no Jacob I noted as I looked around.

"Hi, Leah!" Emily broke the silence with a chirpy voice, she walked towards the door her blue sleeves pushed up around her elbows wearing a white apron, her scars marking her beautiful face. Was this the same girl I once knew? Emily hated cooking, and cleaning she was saving money to move to the city. What has happened?

"Hey" I answered out of habit

"Why so glum, Lee? Turn that frown upside down" She sang

"Emily, did someone screw your head on backwards?" I asked "My dad died yesterday, coz of me I'm sooooo sorry that I'm not fucking happy and dancing round the room"

She seemed unfazed she set a bowl on the table and filled it with wiped cream and stuck a spoon in it "It's your favourite" She smiled

"I'm not hungry"

"Lee just eat otherwise she won't shut up" Seth elbowed me

I rolled my eyes grabbed the bowl sat on the sofa and ate without saying another word. I ate the wiped cream, no one spoke. I smiled; I was so the cause of the whole awkward silence. Paul tapped his foot impatiently.

"Are you really eating just wiped cream?" He asked breaking the silence

"Yes" I answered not even looking his way

"Why?" He asked rudely

"Coz"

"Coz what?" He asked again

"Shut up will you. Can you not see that everyone in the room is in the middle of an awkward silence, so do what you're supposed to do in one of these and shut up before I shove this bowl down your throat" I smiled sweetly and carried on eating.

Seth came and sat next to me mum on my other side. Sam told us everything, about the wolves, the bloodsuckers, pack, mind link, how my dad was an elder and he even offered her his space she said she'd think about it. He said how he was alpha which meant he was in charge, Jacob was beta which was like his second in command.

Also that Bella was in love with some bloodsucker, and last night when Jacob dropped Bella home a leech was in her house. Being the stupid arse she is she ditch him to the mosquito.

But the most interesting part was something called imprinting, I'd heard the legends about it, love at first sight it was sooooo romantic, well that's what I thought before. Now I think it's a whole load of shit. Turns out Sam imprinted on Emily that's why they're so in love and why Emily found out about this wolf shit a whole year before I did. UNFAIR or what? Also turns out that Sam was the reason behind Emily's scars. Ha good, I thought then felt immediately guilty.

"So what you're saying is, imprinting is when you look into your other half's eyes, and you feel like a pull and you know that you have to protect that person and do whatever they want? Like they're the centre of your universe? Your gravity?" I asked

"Yes" Sam answered

"And you imprinted on Emily, and Jared imprinted on Kim?"

"Yes" Sam actually smiled

I ran my fingers through my hair "And the imprinter becomes whatever the imprintee wants or needs?"

"Yes!" Sam cried

"Hmm" I stood to leave. Sam grabbed my wrist

"Where are you going?" He asked

"Home"

"Why?"

"Coz I need to talk to someone" I retorted

"You can't tell Rachel any of this it's a secret you can't tell anyone"

I started to shake "DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T DO!" I screamed

He picked me up, literally threw me over his shoulder, and took me into the garden where he sat me on the floor. Then, just as Sam had known, I furred out. Bastard, why did I have to loose control? When I looked back at where Sam had been standing, he still stood there butt naked. Next thing I knew he was some huge black wolf, and when I say huge I mean shit I looked like some cub beside him.

_Leah you need to keep your temper under control_ Sam nearly screamed in my head.

All the guys came outside, I saw them all start to go wolf. Nosy wankers.

_Leave me alone, go back to your 'imprint' _I replied

_I didn't want to do this but you know what… _

I was sucked into his thoughts, his memories.

It seemed like I was standing in front of my own front door, but I was higher up, I knew immediately that I was seeing things through Sam's eyes. I knew he was running late for something I could feel, but the problem was I didn't known what I-he was running late for.

He knocked at my door.

"I'll get it" I heard myself sing from inside the house.

The door opened and there I stood, okay I know it sounds kinda vain but I looked pretty hot, I smiled and my blue eyes shon. My dad was standing behind me looking at me-I mean Sam with knowing eyes.

"Hey Sam" I said

"Hey" he replied pulling me into a hug, I felt really small in his arms, so that's what it felt like to hug me "Sorry I'm late I…um I had to talk to old Quil" I felt his emotions he couldn't have told me about being a wolf old Quil had told him not to.

"Why" I asked

"He just wanted to talk…you know see if I was alright" He answered I saw my dad give him a knowing smile, he knew everything

"Okay" I said slowly "Well Sam you have to meet my cousin Emily, you will love her!"

I felt my hand in his as I pulled him into my living room, Sam's thoughts turned back to the present as he thought about how much he missed my living room he hadn't been there in years.

_Carry on with the story, she needs to know_ Jared said

I got pulled back to the story

"Em come here and meet Sam" I said happily

He turned his gaze from my face to look at Emily. He froze. Her blue eyes. The pull. There was a pull so strong it felt she were attached to him. The world felt like it stopped. The only reason for life was right in front of his eyes. She was like a gravity he needed to get closer. That's when he knew he imprinted.

"Um…I…I have to go" With that he ran out the house

I returned back to my thoughts

_Well…that's the biggest load of mumbo jumbo that I have ever heard _I said

_But its real _Sam insisted

_I never said it wasn't _I replied

_Then wh-_

_What am I supposed to do? What do you want? Me to say sorry, I was wrong. Coz I can't…I won't. I can feel the pity that is on every one of your thoughts to me. You thought you were hiding it but your not. You want us to be friends? Coz we can't. Not after everything. You can act as though you care, but all you care about is Emily. Is it hard to look at her face every day and know that you're the cause of the scars on her pretty little face? She probably said that it didn't matter. But it does. Has she seen any of her friends from her old tribe since the scars? No? That's coz she doesn't want them to see her face. I know her. The real her. The one you'll see in time. You just have to wait._

_Leah, I know you're upset but there's no reason to take it out on me and Emily _Sam said

I laughed, it was a sarcastic kind of laugh.

_Leah I saw how upset and vulnerable you were last night, you can't just change from that to heartless bitch in the click of your fingers._

_Well then…I promise from now on I will be nothing but a heartless bitch, and never let myself be vulnerable or weak again, and unlike some I'll keep my promises._

I closed my eyes and felt my body relax.

When I reopened my eyes I was standing in Emily's back garden completely naked. I looked around; all the wolves were staring at me, except a sandy wolf who had his head turned away. And that's when I decided I hated every one of those fuckers and I would do all it took to make there lives a living hell. I saw Emily come out the back door, she threw me a cream blanket which I tied around myself, it was soft against my bare skin.

I turned towards the house, passed my mother and home.

I sat on my bed, never had I felt more alone in my life.

**Review review review x**


	7. Don't pretend to care

**Thanks for all the reviews x I would reply personally but my computer's actual spaz and won't let me say thanks :( x technology is more work than it's worth x **

**Disclaimer (Yeah I know I always seem to forget this) I don't own any characters except Lorey and Candy but everyone else is owned by SM :) **

**Don't pretend to care**

I turned my back towards the picture. I pulled the dressing gown closer to my body. Bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms tightly round my body. I looked over my shoulder to see the picture of my father staring at me; one arm hugged a happier version of me and the other a much younger Seth.

His eyes bore into mine; I could see the defeat the disappointment the blame in his eyes. Me, Leah Clearwater, single handily killed my own father. The man that was there for me when I was growing up, the man that kept a roof over my whole family's head. But did any of that matter? No. Because I had to pick the most inconvenient moment to turn into a giant hairy wolf. I was the cause of his heart attack, not my baby brother who furred out so young. No me, the girly wolf. Girls weren't meant to go wolf, so that made me the only girl in the history of the whole tribe. Thus the reason he had a heart attack.

But not only was I the cause of my father's death, oh there's more, I found out that the reason my fiancée left me for my cousin and best friend was for some dumb wolfy instinct. But when Sam was explaining he slipped up, and he slipped up bad. He told me that the wolf that imprints will become whatever the imprintee wants or needs. So that means that Emily must have wanted him all along otherwise he would never have fallen for her. So in conclusion Emily is still the devil sent to Earth and just coz now that I know why Sam left it doesn't make everything hunkie dorey in Leah land. Far from it.

I heard someone walk up the path outside my house. Yes, you heard right. I heard them from outside. I was still trying to get used to the whole 'I can hear you through a solid brick wall' thing. I ran down the stairs and swung the door open.

There in front of me was Queen of the bitches, bicthy mc bitchson.

"What do you want Emily?" I asked, just the right amount of boredom leaked into my voice.

"Um…well," she looked down at her hands that were nervously rubbing each other "I thought I might stop by, seeing as you left without saying goodbye."

"And what did you want to accomplish by coming here?" I asked narrowing my eyes at her.

"I…I just thought that now you know everything, about me and Sam, and I thought that things could go back to normal." she looked up at me our matching eyes meeting

"How can anything go back to normal? Look around us," I threw my hands in the air to empathize my point "everything is changing right before our eyes. All the stories we learnt as kids are true, we're part of them. I am the first female wolf in existence! How can anything be normal?" I cried

"I know but…but maybe we can be best friends in this new crazy supernatural world." I small smile spread onto her lips.

"No, no we can't. We can never be friends you stole my fiancée." I snarled

"Imprinting!" she screamed

"Weren't you listening to what Sam was saying? And I quote 'the wolf that imprints will become whatever the imprintee want or needs' so that mean's you Emily Louise Young wanted to get into his pants, even if you won't admit it." I smirk at her, and for the first time in my life we were eye level which was strange seeing as she was a good 5' 8'' had I really grown that much?

"We tried to fight it!" tears rolled down her cheeks

"Yeah," I agreed "for all of 7 days!"

"Lee, it's so complicated. Please be happy for me, I've never felt more whole"

"Yeah, well I've never felt more empty!" With that I slammed the door on her face.

*-*-*-*-*-*

I sat in my room alone. Staring out of the window I hadn't moved since Emily had left over 24 hours ago. Charlie was downstairs with my mum as was Billy, they were planning my dad's funeral, which was to be held tomorrow at noon.

The dress my mother had got he was beautiful a strapless black dress that was tight until my waist where it hung in small layers. The cloth just grazed my knee.

But I didn't want a nice dress, I wanted my daddy back.

I closed my eyes willing the tears not to fall. The new Leah Clearwater didn't cry.

I heard people moving downstairs and listened to see what was going on.

"She doesn't want to see you." I heard my brother say he sounded angry at whoever it was

"Did she say those exact words?" I could tell who that voice was from a million miles away, Sam.

"Well, no. But I know she doesn't" Seth growled

"Seth, let Sam through" I heard Billy practically whisper. _Bastard. _I don't want him up here!

I heard some shuffling, before someone's footsteps pounded up the stairs. One sniff confirmed it was Sam.

The door opened and there he stood, my heart caught in my throat at his perfection.

"Don't you knock?" I hissed covering my vulnerability with bitchyness

He ignored me and sat on my bed

"What do you want, Sam?" I sighed

"Seth is very protective of you, he stood up to me, his alpha even though he is a new wolf and his instincts must be telling him to follow my lead not appose it" He began

"Sam, you didn't come here to tell me what you thought of Seth so spit it out would ya"

He sighed and dropped his head so he was looking at the floor "Lee Lee" I growled at his old nickname for me "you can't stay hidden in your room, your family needs you" and for once he was right, my family did need me

"I know" I chocked, he looked at me concern filling his dark brown eyes

"Lee it's going to be okay" he put his arm around my shoulder, I jumped away at his touch like it burned

"You can say that I need to be there for my family, coz that's true, you can tell me that I have a great baby brother, coz that's true, but don't ever pretend you care about me" I snarled

"I do care Lee Lee" He looked into my eyes

"Don't say it" I turned to face my window "Leave"

"Lee…"

"NOW!" I screamed

"Fine, but you should probably know that wolves need to eat more than humans so make sure you eat a lot" He said before he walked out of my room

"Don't pretend to care" I whispered, I guess he heard because the door slammed behind him.

*-*-*-*-*-*

I stood, my hand gripping onto my brothers as though if I let go I may die. My mother stood on Seth's other side as we silently watched my father's cremation. My mum's sister stood next to my mum one arm wrapped around her husband, they were Emily and Sarah's parents. Emily stood next to her father, with Sarah at her side. The latter hung onto her daughter Claire for dear life, her husband stared into the distance, my grandmother next to him.

The wolf pack stood behind us, including a late Jacob, Embry and Jared.

My high school friends stood silently to the side. Rachel cried, our dads had been best friends and she had known my dad her whole life, he was like a second dad to her. Her mother had died when she was around 8 years old and seeing another funeral was too much for her. She only came down quickly for the funeral she was leaving again in the morning.

Behind them stood half of La Push, my father was well respected through our community.

I squeezed Seth's hand as hard as I could whilst watching my father's ashes get thrown onto the sand of first beach.

I felt Sam's eyes on my face through out the whole ceremony, waiting for my breakdown. Well I wasn't going to give in. Leah Clearwater didn't cry.

As I watched I couldn't help but think of all the things that have taken a downward spiral in my life, first Rachel left (can't believe how much I miss her) then Sam left me for my cousin and best friend (can't believe how much I miss them after all the pain they've caused) then I turned into the girly wolf the only girl EVER to turn into a wolf thus the cause of my father's heart attack and death (don't think I really need to say I miss him).

And as I thought I found one thing that kept being the cause time after time after time.

Sam left me for Emily – imprinting – because he was a wolf – because the vamps came back.

I am I freak – wolf – because I'm the only girl wolf – because the vamps came back

My dad's dead – heart attack – because I'm the only girl wolf – because the vamps came back

To be fair I couldn't blame them for Rach leaving she left because she needed to get away. Could I blame her? Hell no. In fact _I _needed to get away but I couldn't coz I have to become a _protector! _

But the common cause of most things is because the vamps came back and caused the wolf gene to start all over again. And right now there wasn't anyone I hated more than those no good fucking leeches and I wanted them dead.

But of cause I couldn't kill them because of the bloody treaty. Why did they have to make a treaty? Oh yeah coz all men are idiots!

*-*-*-*-*-*

After the ceremony was over we all headed back to my place. It was crowded to say the least, my whole family – minus the most important person my dad – the whole wolf pack plus Charlie and Billy, no one could move let alone breathe.

I kept my hands in fists at my side the whole time I couldn't stand to see Sam and Emily together hugging. My family kept throwing them glares too. God bless them.

Claire oblivious to the tension and mourning skipped over to Quil who sat there eating, she placed the ball on his lap "Will woo pway wid meee?" she asked in her cute baby voice. I loved Claire as though she were my baby sister even though she was only my 2nd cousin, but family's family.

Her adorable bronze skin and chin length black hair, looked amazing on her cute chubby baby cheeks, her sweet blue eyes were the exact replica of mine.

Quil raised his head to meet her eyes. They instantly softened; he looked down at her like she was the world's cutest kid. He looked at her with complete adoration.

"Okay, kid" he agreed quickly, they started to throw the ball at each other, it hit his head a few times but he just laughed.

I couldn't help but smile, my first real smile in what seemed like forever, at them. I loved to see Claire happy.

Sam looked over at the two playing and his eyes hardened "Quil outside" he said firmly

"What?" Quil looked at him confused

"Now" Sam growled, Sam got up and practically dragged him away. Claire started to cry without her new friend to play with. I started to shake with anger at Sam, I made my exit before I could hurt anyone. When I was outside I exploded out of my skin, only to realize Sam and Quil were phased too. I focused on their conversation, Quil was speaking/thinking

_I imprinted on a two year old._ He sounded confused

I growled and started to run in his direction. No one had some dumb wolfy claim on Claire, she two for crying out loud. I saw him standing there his chocolate fur reflected the light he stood in front of Sam.

I sunk my teeth into the chocolate wolfs leg, drawing blood.

**I'm sorry I know this chapter was short but there wasn't much I could have said, sorry.**

**Please review, it means sooooooooooooo much to me if you do :) **

**Ps if anyone has any insults that Leah could say to any of the pack members could you give them to me coz I've goy a few but I can't think of anymore x thanks x**


	8. In a perfect world

**Sorry it's been awhile x **

**I had to pick my options for my GCSE's so I've been to option evenings, informing evenings and the difference between BETCs, GCSEs and diplomas so I've been busy x **

**I had to speak to a career lady that told me if I wunna speak German I should take German, if I wunna do Math I should take Math but I have to take Math so I'm gunna do Math x and what did I learn? X **

**On top of that I've had non stop dance rehearsals because I've been getting ready for a show x which I did last Saturday and Sunday x Thank God I didn't get dropped in any of the lifts x **

**And to put more pressure on me I've been studying for my science which will decide what paper I'll be taking in my GCSEs x **

**I've also had a truck load of homework x **

**So yeah I've been busy x so don't hold it against me x**

**In a perfect world**

My names Leah Clearwater and just for the record, my life sucks and I'm fucking miserable.

Look I know shit happens, but this is starting to become a joke.

Fate just seems to love kicking me in the gut. For no reason I can think off.

Every time I thought I was getting better, BAM! Fate finds away to slam me back down. So now I've given up trying.

I thought that after Sam left me was the worse couple of weeks in my life, but hey guess what fate hates me sooooo much that these last few months have topped that by a mile stone.

The day of my dad's funeral, the day Quil imprinted on Claire, I found out about this little thing called an alpha command. I was all set up for ripping Quil apart limb by limb but Sam ordered me to stop and it felt like the weight of tons and tons brinks were pushing me down. I bowed down at Sam's feet feeling like a complete douche but still wanting to rip Quil to shreds.

Sam thought it would be smart to put an alpha command on me telling me that I couldn't tell anyone about the whole wolf world. Not anyone.

Meetings were held over the whole 'Quil imprinted on a two year old' thing. And old Quil who had a whole lot more experience in the whole werewolf area decide that it was only expected that sooner or later one of us would, it was agreed he was safe to see the kid.

Sue, Sam and Billy told Sarah and Graham (Claire's parents) about the whole wolf world, seeing as Claire was so young it seemed only fair to tell them.

Sarah seemed insistent that Quil would never see her baby girl ever again. Emily tried to persuade her. But she said and I quote "You selfish bitch, you think that just coz this Quil kid imprinted on Claire that this makes things okay with us. That we'll let you back into the family with open arms. Well tuff luck even if I do ever let Quil she my kid I will never forgive you, you tore Leah apart and for what? You've lost everything Emily, your family, your best friend, your beauty, your life but that's okay coz you have Sam. What ever happened to friends before guys? God Emily!" after that Emily ran to her room crying. Sam followed.

It's funny though, in the end it was me who convinced her that she should let Quil see Claire. Me! The girls who hates imprinting with a vengeance. We were in yet another meeting about it when Sarah turned to me and asked "What are his thoughts like? Are they inappropriate?" to which Emily exclaimed that anyone in the room could tell her his thoughts, I guess she was right seeing as there were seven wolves in the room not including Quil. But Sarah only replied that "The guys would do anything to see Quil get his imprint" and that "Leah doesn't lie" so I told her he only wants what's best for Claire and that he's a free babysitter whenever she wanted.

Sarah soon let Quil babysit Claire but Graham was more hesitant. In fact he bloody hates Quil.

Next were the constant meetings about, why I was a wolf when I was a girl? And why wasn't I as tall as the guys? Why didn't I get all muscley? To which I thank God I'm not because muscley girls are sooooo unattractive. On the up side I'm now really well toned without doing anything. So far we have found no answers.

Sam soon got pissed that every time a phased I looked like 'cousin it' from the Adams family. My hair in human form always reached to my bum and I loved it. Especially during the whole time I first shifted, it made me feel feminine. Sam let me keep my hair for all of one week. After that he told me to cut it all off as it would make it easier for me to be in wolf form and it would make my fur a lot lighter. So my mum cut it to about chin length. My mum cried through out the whole thing, I sat silently no emotion betraying my face. The guys had to listen to me moan about it all week; they never understood how much my hair meant to me.

One of the worst things about pack life was the whole naked thing. To be perfectly honest I didn't really care about it at first. I didn't think they paid to close attention to me. Turned out they did and when I found them thinking about it later, I made it sooooo not worth them ever looking at me in the first place. To be honest I had seen all of them naked too, but none of them did anything for me really. The only one that did something to me was Sam and that's really only coz it brought back so many memories.

But the bonus was that I found Sam and Emily hardly ever had sex, which caused me to laugh hysterically.

The only plus to being a wolf was the feel in my fur as I run. I soon found out I was the fastest in the pack when I was hardly trying. Everyday I ran once round the border in my human form to see if I could get faster. Because the faster I can run in human, the faster I run in wolf.

It turns out that thanks to my size I am the smallest and weakest of the pack a fact that my 'pack brothers' don't let slide easily.

But to be fair to Sam what he said about the whole 'wolves need to eat more' was true. At first I didn't listen but when I could count all my ribs without breathing in, I started to eat a hell lot more, and finally got my figure back.

It also turns out that I heal a lot slower then members in my pack. Waaaay faster than a human but still slower than a werewolf. Like say I broke my nose at the exact same time Seth broke his, after about a minuet but for me it would take about ten. I learned this the hard way.

Note to self don't anger Paul unless you can make a quick get away.

Then I was ten days late for my period, I had never been late before. I had started to think I was pregnant but that got crushed as soon as I realized I hadn't been with anyone since Sam. Days turned to weeks and to say I was panicked was an understatement. I realized that my body wasn't following the normal cycles, nineteen years old and menopausal. Had my body changed because I was a werewolf? Or had I become a werewolf because my body was wrong? The only female wolf in the history of forever. Was that because I wasn't female as I should be? It didn't help that the boys ran for cover every time it came into my thoughts. It's not like I could call Rachel and talk to her coz I couldn't blow the secret. And I sure as hell wasn't gunna talk to my mum. I wasn't going to make up with Emily just so I could talk about this stuff. I guess I could talk with Kim but I pretty sure Jared would let me within a mile of his precious imprint.

To my further embarrassment they held more meetings about why my periods had stopped. Not an experience I ever wanted again. Trust me when your little brothers in the room along with your mum and bunch of old guys, a load of teenage boys, your ex and the girl he left you for who just happened to be your cousin and ex best friend you DO NOT wunna talk about that sort of stuff.

But you know what I officially hate my mother. She knows how much pain I've been and am going through and still, she helps Emily with her wedding. Forced me into the bridal party, I'm maid of fucking honour. The colours of her wedding are white and silver and the middle of each table will be red flowers. Wow, that sounds familiar. Oh yeah it was what me and Sam were gunna have at our wedding. But does my mum do anything NO!

The worst part of the whole wolf thing was the pack mind. I had to listen every day to how much better my cousin is for Sam compared to me, and every time the steal healing wounds are ripped open again. Every single one of the guys knew everything I ever thought in my life. How I feel. How I think. My love for Sam. But yet my hate for him. The guilt for my father. The panic of my now barren body. Everything. Half the time they just tuned me out, the other half they use my deepest thoughts against me. Could I blame them? I did the same thing. I brought it on myself. The difference was I used it to protect myself in the only way I knew how. Covering my thoughts and feelings with bitchy remarks, so no one knew how much I really hurt. Where as they did it to protect their own, hypocrites coz technically I was one of their own. It didn't take me long to become the bitch of La Push. Most hated member in tribe history. Everything that's happened to me in the past weeks made me this way.

My vow to never cry again ended nearly as soon as it started. My new promise was to never cry in public. Instead every night I cried myself to sleep, muffling the sound with my pillow so that Seth and mum would never know.

So that brings me back to the present. I was sitting on the roof of my house, where I always go when I need to think and be alone; I had a bottle of vodka in my hand taking swigs every now and again.

I looked up at the sky, saw the stars up there surrounded with the darkness. How could something so bright be covered with such darkness?

My dad used to tell me when I was a little girl, that when you died you became a star. As I got older and had to do science in school I stopped believing it.

But then again I stopped believing in wolfs too. And they are real, so why can't stars.

I looked up into the night sky my eyes locking on the brightest star, "I'm sorry dad," I whispered as I bit my lip

"It's not your fault he's dead" my head snapped around to the voice pin pointing Sam sitting next to me. My all too familiar frown effortlessly moved into place. How dare he sneak up on me!

"Care to tell me whose fault it was then?" I asked harshly, he winced at my tone of voice. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Drinking is a bad habit, Leah." he nodded towards the nearly empty bottle in my hand

I snorted, a sarcastic sort of sound "You've had your fair share of drunken parties,"

"True" he allowed "but I've never sat on the roof alone getting pissed"

"I just needed sometime to think" I answered

We sat in silence, for a moment. A drop of rain hit my face, I wiped it away.

"In a perfect world it'd never rain in La Push" I said, mostly to myself

He chuckled "In a perfect world it'd always be warm"

"In a perfect world I would know why I was a wolf"

He looked at me and I could sense that our conversation was about to get a whole lot deeper than the weather, I guess I was only to blame for that I always put my foot in it.

His eyes searched mine in an intense kinda way.

"In a perfect world I would have imprinted on you" I stared at him for a moment seeing if he was serious. I looked back up at the sky,

"In a perfect world I wouldn't have said yes to marrying you"

I looked back at him, seeing the pain swimming in his eyes choosing to ignore it

"You don't mean that" He tried to make his voice sound light but he failed miserably.

"Don't I?" I questioned, I got up hung off the roof before swinging into my room landing silently.

In a perfect world I wouldn't be me.

-_*-_*-

I had an early patrol the next morning. I didn't bother getting dressed or even brushing my hair. What was the point when I was gunna go wolf in a second? I pulled open my window, jumped and landed neatly on the wet grass.

I ran to the forest next to my house, peeled of my clothes and phased.

When I was in wolf form, it shocked me to see the thoughts I saw

_Embry? _I asked

_What? _He asked harshly, not that I could blame him he probably thought I was gunna say something about his father or lack of. In fact I knew that's what he was thinking.

At first when I started lashing out people ignored me thinking best just to let me be. Then I crossed the line by bringing in Embry's non existent father. I knew it but as soon as I thought the words there was no going back. I continued when I knew I shouldn't.

_I…I just didn't know you were supposed to be patrolling today _I stuttered

_I didn't wunna, but Bella wanted to see Jake, so I swapped like a good friend not that you would know anything about being nice to other people _Ouch…those words stung

For the whole patrol I ran silently, paying close attention to the grass. I didn't want Embry to see how deep his words hurt coz I did know how be nice. I did have friends.

I headed home after patrol, thinking about what Embry had thought; he knew I had friends they all knew. I mean they all had to listen to me bitch that I couldn't tell Rachel and coz of patrols I couldn't hang out with Candy and Lorey all the time like I would like.

I shut the door quietly behind me stepping into the familiar hallway. My dad's fishing hooks still rested in the corner by the door.

Memories coming to the front of my mind.

I made one step to go upstairs when Seth came out of the living room.

"You feeling okay Lee?" He voice lace with worry

I turned and smiled at him, he was the only person to see me smile now. But I knew it didn't meet my eyes. He smiled weakly

"Yeah, why?" I asked

"Well, it's just I phased just after you went human and Embry said that you didn't say anything at all during your patrol not one insult or anything."

"Just wasn't in the mood, I guess" I tried to make my escape upstairs.

"Is it about what Sam said last night?" he whispered

My head snapped up "You heard." It wasn't a question but a statement

"Well I heard last night when you two were on the roof, but Sam phased after and now kinda like the whole pack now know."

I squeezed my eyes shut; Seth was the only person I could be me with. Just normal Leah, not bitch Leah or pathetic Leah or even freaky girly wolf Leah.

Over the last few weeks he had been the one to stand up for me when the others got too harsh. I knew Sam told them off behind my back, but I chose to ignore it.

Seth thought it was smart to change the subject "Don't forget the bonfire tonight" but he could have picked a better one.

"How could I?" I walked into the kitchen grabbing a cookie.

The bonfires were like the social get together, kinda like breakfast at Sam and Emily's (not that I had ever been). This was the first bonfire since me, Seth and Quil joined the pack. It was only gunna be the same stories we've all heard a hundred times. "Wunna-be leech is coming isn't she?" I asked

"Her name's Bella! And yeah she is. But remember we have to be nice" I laughed once

Seth went to go do whatever he did nowadays whilst I headed to my room.

I looked at the three white walls and one aqua wall, my bed white headboard was against the aqua wall with aqua sheets. I had a bedside table on each side. A built in wardrobe to the left, in front of my bed was my chest of draws with my TV placed on top. My desk was next to the window with my laptop on it.

My eyes wondered to the dresses hung in my wardrobe. I used to care about what I looked like and what I wore. Now people were lucky that I still shaved my legs and plucked my eyebrows.

I flopped on my bed. Tired coz Sam had increased the number of patrols since we found out a bloodsucker had been in leech-lovers room. She was gunna die in the long run why did we have to keep preventing it?

-*-*-

Before I was a wolf some people said I was beautiful others said I had perfect features. I never really saw it about me. But to be beautiful you need character with perfect features you don't have character. I guess you could say I have perfect features I have a button nose, plump lips my eyes fitted my face well and were framed with thick, long eyelashes. No character, so not beautiful.

Emily always told me I was pettier then her, I disagreed. But now I guess I was with her ugly scarred face. I instantly felt guilty after I thought it but not guilty enough to take it back.

Although she always had to ware those awful scars, I wore I ugly frown. So I guess the day Sam imprinted on Emily was the day we both lost our beauty.

During the bonfire I sat silently my eyes never leaving the flames. I watched them dance, memorized. My face was blank never portraying any emotions. I ignored them as they joked around, as they treated _Bella_ like family when _I _was their pack sister.

"The histories we always thought were legends" Jacob whispered to Bella even though most the people at the circle could hear what he was saying "The stories of how we came to be. The first is the story of the spirit warriors."

Jacobs whisper was sort of like an introduction for the story to begin. Paul and Embry sat straighter. Jared gently woke Kim. Emily pulled out a spiral-bound notebook and a pen. _Nerd._ Sam twisted so that he now looked like the fourth member of the council. My brother leaned forward eager to here the stories we've all heard a hundred times. I closed my eyes to help me concentrate, looking for clues in the story as to why I was a wolf.

Billy began the story of the sprit warriors and how Taha Aki became the first wolf.

"– The wolves were all different, because they were sprit wolves and they reflected the man they were inside" Man! Always man! Couldn't for once he say person.

"So that's why Sam is all black" Quil muttered "Black heart, black fur"

Damn right he had a black heart yet I still loved him

"And your chocolate fur reflects what?" Sam whispered "How _sweet _you are?"

What did grey fur mean? The first thing that came to my mind was misery. Sounded about right.

Billy continued with the story, he had an amazing way of telling the legends he reminded me so much of my father, I wanted to break down right there.

After Billy finished his story old Quil started the story of the third wife. When I was a little girl it was always one of my favourites now it just made me feel sick.

"And so the sons of our tribe again carry the burden and share the sacrifice their fathers endured before them" Old Quil finished. _Fathers. Sons._

A lone tear rolled down my cheek. I whipped it away quickly before any of the guys could see.

It was just another reminder of what a freak I am.

**Thanks for reading x I know I skipped loads of months but I hope that the beginning said all that needed to be said x please please review x**


	9. Siding with the vamps? Hell no!

**Okay so here's the next update x **

**I'm writing this at school x supposed to be studying for my science test but I swear if I try and cram anymore facts in my head I'm gunna explode x **

**Like to be honest I really don't about independent variations, dependant variations and control variations x**

**Siding with the vamps? Hell no!**

I sat cross legged on Lorey's bed. Thumbing through a fashion magazine, clothes weren't exactly on the top of my priority list at the moment. Seeing as I exploded out of them on a regular basis, and even if I did have a good temper it's still easier to just wear shorts and an old top.

But it was nice to sit with Candy and Lorey for a bit, just like old times. The only thing that was wrong was that Rachel wasn't here. But I didn't let that ruin my mood.

I wasn't feeling depressed today just kinda upset. But that's better, right? Hanging with the girls made me feel like…well a girl. Which I didn't feel with the pack.

But I wished they would pick another topic of conversation…

"I'm sorry Leah but those guys, the protectors or whatever, are hot!" Candy laughed

I rolled my eyes at her, "Lee aren't you a protector?" Lorey questioned

I looked up, and nodded my head once "How?"

"What do you mean, how?" I asked slowly

"Well…well you're the only girl. How comes you get to be a protector?"

"I honestly don't know why I'm the only girl." I said honestly

"Can you get me into the 'protectors' coz I wunna be hanging around those guys!" Candy whistled. As you can tell her relationship didn't work out

"Trust me you don't, they're all assholes"

"Hot assholes" Candy replied smoothly

We sat in silence for a minuet of so.

"Lee, what's the big secret?" Lorey asked leaning in

"Secret?" my voice went squeaky

"Yeah it's like you're all keeping some massive secret" Candy also leaned in

"Don't what you're talking about" I said hiding behind the magazine

"You were always a bad liar"

"Look," I began "if I could tell you I would, but I can't, so drop it" I closed my eyes "I'm sorry you guys but I honestly can't tell you"

I heard a wolf howl in the distance, I sighed.

I stood to leave "I have to go, sorry, it's been fun see you guys soon"

"You keep skipping out on us, Lee" Lorey whispered

"I know, I'm sorry, really, but I've got a lot going on right now"

When I phased I was hit with a whole load of crazed thoughts. From what I could gather Jacob was going to Bella's graduation party at the leeches' crypt, it seemed Quil and Embry had volunteered to go with him. It also seemed we had another wolf…Collin I think.

Paul was first to notice me. _Errrr, who invited her?_

_Trust me, I don't wunna be here anymore then you want me here. _I snarled

_Is that even possible?_

I laughed bitterly _Look I was quite happy with what I was doing, so if you don't need me I'm outer here_

_We need you here, Leah _Sam said

_What were you doing, that is so important you just wunna get back to? Making kids cry? _He looked into my thoughts _Candy and Lorey? I'm surprised they still talk to you._

_Wanker! _I mentally screamed

_Bitch! _I yelled right back

_Guys, shut up!_ Sam ordered, I winced at the word guys, he ignored it. _Collin has just phased so I need Seth and Leah to make sure he's alright. I need Paul and Jared to run the border. Jake, if anything happens, howl and we'll all be there in an instant._

Jacob nodded his big wolf head. Jacob, Quil and Embry phased back. Whilst me and Seth ran in the direction of the new wolf.

_So Collin…have they told you anything yet? _ Seth asked sitting down.

_Yeah, all the legends are true. That's crazy. If I wasn't a wolf right now I wouldn't believe you._ He answered, Seth chuckled

I looked down at his paws; they were huge bigger than Seth's.

_How old are you? _I questioned

_Thirteen_ My mouth dropped

_Shit, that's young _Jared joined in our conversation

_Not that young _The young cub counteracted, I shook my head, these wolves were getting too young. I thought Seth was just a kid.

Seth decided it was best to just ignore the fact that he was so young and continued telling him about pack life. I ran back to my house to grab him a pair for Seth's cut offs.

When I got back into the clearing Seth was trying to clam Collin down enough to phase back. Finally we got him back into his human form just as Jacob phased in.

_Leah, I'm gunna make sure Collin's alright. Tell me what happens later. _Seth said

_Okay _I said as he shifted back, I started to run to the clearing where we have most our meetings.

I skidded into a halt next to Paul. Sam and Jacob stood nose to nose. Quil and Embry flaking Jacob. Paul and Jared flaking Sam.

_What happened? _Sam asked, but you could tell he had a growl that was threatening to brake free.

_We turned up; the party had already started so we went in. The leeches were kinda freaking out, but not coz we were there. Turns out the red headed bloodsucker is coming after Bella again, but she's bringing a vamp army with he,, anyway I said we would join in the fight to even out the odds, you know _He finished his little speech

_Yes, we will fight to protect our families and tribe. It is our job. _Sam answered, Jacob nodded although his thoughts were on Bella.

_They're meeting tonight, I said we would go._

_Good _Sam replied

_Holy fuck! What the hell is happening? _A new wolf asked. Another new wolf? What was happening?

_Brady? _Sam asked

_Yeah. Who's that? What's going on? _Asked Brady. How old was he I swear he was like only thirteen, just like Collin.

_Yes _Sam answered _Brady, try to get into the forest can you do that for me?_

_Yeah I think so _He replied

_Good, Paul, go tell him what's up. Don't bother getting him to phase back he's coming with us tonight. Embry, go explain everything to Seth and Collin. Jacob go tell Billy what's happening. Quil tell old Quil. Leah tell Sue. Jared if you want you can go tell Kim. Meet back here in two hours so we can go to this thing. _Sam ordered

I shifted back to my human form, pulled on my clothes and ran home. My mum was watching TV in the front room. I did as I was told, and told her what was going down tonight. She told me to be careful and that was that.

I decided to run once round the border human, see if I could shave any seconds off my time. I did, 20 seconds faster!!! I congratulated myself.

The time came when a wolf howled in the distance; I stripped and phased preparing for the long night ahead.

We got into formation and started to run to the clearing were the bloodsuckers were gunna be.

I was hit by the sickly sweet smell before I saw them.

_So Embry how's your daddy? _I asked

The whole pack seemed to growl, but Embry didn't even try to make a smartass remark back.

_Leah, shut it one of them can read minds _Sam said I rolled my eyes at him. But I knew he felt the twang in my heart as he spoke to me.

As I got a good look at all their faces, it was quite funny. We hadn't told Bella that me or Seth or Collin or Brady had phased which meant the Cullen's didn't know either. They thought there were only six wolves, but when we turned up with ten. They were shocked.

"Welcome" Their leader, the doc said

_Thank you. We will watch and listen, but no more. That is the most we can ask of our self-control _Sam thought, the mind rapper echoed.

"That is more than enough." the doc answered "My son-"he interacted to a blonde man covered in scars "has experience in this area. He will teach us how they fight, how they are defeated. I'm sure you can apply this to your own hunting style"

_They are different from you?_

"They are all very new-only months old to this life. Children in a way. They have no skill or strategy, only brute strength. Tonight their numbers stand at twenty. Ten for us, ten for you-it shouldn't be too difficult. The numbers may go down. The new once fight amongst themselves."

An enthusiastic rumble past through us wolves, I stayed quiet.

_We are willing to take more than our share, if necessary_

_Hell yeah! _Paul cheered, but was silenced by a glance from Sam.

The doc smiled "We'll see how it plays out."

_Do you know when and how they'll arrive? _

"They'll come across the mountains in four days, in the late morning. As they approach, Alice will help us intercept their path"

_Thank you for the information. We will watch. _The mind rapist once again copied Sam's words. This time Sam spoke to us _You guys can sit now._

The pack sighed as a whole as we sat down.

The one covered in scars stood forward, clearly uncomfortable when he turned his back on us.

My eyes followed the vamps as they fought, it truly was incredible.

"My turn." The mind perv said. He moved to stand in front of scars, he lowered himself into a crouch.

I laughed, nine pairs of questioning eyes turned my way. _Is he gay? _I asked

_He's going out with Bella, stupid bitch _Paul answered in a duh kinda way.

_God, I know that. I'm just saying though he looks like he's about to brake into dance, not an awesome dance more of a homosexual dance. _

Mind man's eyes flicked over to me, which gave scars the perfect lee way into attacking him.

All us wolves watched carefully as the bloodsuckers attacker one another.

The blonde and scared turned to face us again, looking uncomfortable.

"We'll be doing this tomorrow. Please feel welcome to observe again." Though his posture made it clear, that he was lying through his teeth.

_Yes. We'll be here. _Sam replied with the mind reader echoing

He continued in his own voice voicing the thoughts our pack was having.

"The pack thinks it would be helpful to be familiar with each of our scents – so they won't make mistakes later. If we could hold very still, it would be easier for them."

"Certainly" The doc said to Sam "Whatever you need."

The pack groaned as we stood. The hackles on the back of my neck raised as Sam made a step towards the doc. We continued moving forward sniffing the sickly sweet smell, Seth whined as he was caught between the doc and scar face.

_Stop being such a baby, Seth _I hissed but I knew he could feel the worry I had over him.

Jacob saw Bella, and started to walk over to her ignoring our pleas for him to come back.

Jacob licked Bella's face, they didn't notice – or maybe just ignored – the looks they were getting from us and the leeches'. Jacob ignored Sam telling him to come back.

Jacob then started discussing plans for the fight with bloodsucker with the mad mojo mind reading powers.

_Can I go norm? _Jacob asked Sam by norm the kid meant human. Sam agreed and Jacob went to phase back, along with Quil and Embry but they stayed in the woods.

Jacob and Bella's vamp started discussing where Bella was going to go. Jacob decided Seth was gunna play cell phone for the night, by keeping them in contacted with the pack. I didn't care as long as he was out of the fight.

By the time we got home I was shattered. I flopped onto my bed. There was a knock at the door.

"Seth, go away!" I mumbled

There was a chuckle "I'm not Seth" It took me a moment to run to the door and awig it open.

"Sam" I breathed

"Leah" he said, he grabbed my arm and pulled me to my bed sitting me down. I ignored the tingling sensation in my arm. "I want you to think about staying out of the fight."

**Please review x please x**


	10. So don't wunna be here

**This is the next update x**

**Just to let everyone know I got a 6a in my science test and I needed a 5a to do separate sciences so I'm doing GCSE!!!!!!!! I'm so proud of myself coz I SUCK at science!!!!**

**I'm looking after my baby bro right now he's 8 x**

**Anyway on with the story x**

**BTW I'm loving the reviews x**

**I love writing this story and it's nice to know I'm not just doing it for me x**

**So don't wunna be here!**

I banged my head repeatedly against the table hoping for anything that I could get out of this. But knowing full well I couldn't.

You see Emily's invited all the girls involved in her wedding over to her place. Sam had let me off training for the day. Sam. I sighed as I thought his name. Then mentally slapped myself.

_Waste of space. He's a waste of space. _I repeated in my head over and over. Trying to believe it.

I mean I had my reasons to hate him…

Not only is he practically forcing (along with my mother) to go to this wedding thing, which everyone knows is gunna break my heart…again. But none of them cares, no one cares. Not one of them. Even though every time I see them together, hear his thoughts it rips open my heart once again. And even though they've caused so much pain in my life, pain that I would never recover from. I loved them with all my heart. To which I hated myself for, more and more with each passing day.

Sam wanted me gone; he didn't want me in his pack. I was hassle. I was bitter. I was cruel. I reminded him of the pain he caused me, the thing he wanted to forget most. Even though he hated me and wanted me to disappear. He still wanted to _protect _me.

He told Seth, Collin and Brady they were too young. What was his excuse for me? I was only a couple months younger than him. The rest of the pack younger than me. So what was his excuse? Oh yeah, I was a _girl_. I wasn't big and strong I was small and fragile. No one believed I was strong enough. Me! The girl who had been kicked repeatedly in the gut by fate! I was stronger than the lot of them. So what if I wasn't physically stronger. I am strong, in other ways. No weak person could survive the pain, the heartache I went through every living day.

Sometimes I wonder, would life be better if I were dead? No one really wanted me around. Seth hated me, not like rest of the pack did but he thought I ruined everything. Which I did. Not an opinion, a fact.

But I would never kill myself, I was too scared. What happened after? Knowing my luck fate would find another way to pull a fast one over on me. Even in the after life.

But I'd like one of the pack, any of them even try to go through half of what I've gone through and still be a nice, happy person after all that shit. But of coarse they didn't need to worry about that coz soon they would find their imprints, they had their lives planned out with a girl they haven't even met yet.

Naturally I'd told Sam to get fucked at his offer. I didn't get to be known as bitter harpy of La Push by sitting round being nice to people. Nice wasn't even in my vocabulary, not anymore.

I picked up an old hoodie, but when I looked at it realised it was Seth's. He wouldn't care he can't even fit in it anymore. It's not like I actually needed the thing I only wore it because it would seriously odd if I was walking round La push in some shorts and a tank top. Especially because to a normal human being it was near freezing outside. I pushed up my sleeves so I didn't over heat or something dumb like that. Knowing my luck I probably would.

As I started to make the walk in a fast human pace, which to me felt like snail speed, I felt the first drop of rain hit my face.

Just my luck, I chuckled slightly when I realised that the pack was training right now. In the rain. Getting all wet and soggy.

I can't believe Sam and Emily were so selfish that instead of me training to protect mine and the people of our tribe's lives they were forcing me to go to some dumb wedding thing. If I die I blame them!!!!!! And my mother!

The rain started to heavily pour, my clothes getting wet from inside out. I ran my fingers through my wet, mattered hair. Sighing as I was once again reminded of how short my hair was, now.

As soon as saw the little house near the beach I wanted to turn around and run all the way home. But I couldn't so I pushed myself to keep walking.

I paused, my hand outstretched for the handle. I'd know this girl my whole life, did I have to knock? Or not? I mean knowing someone your whole didn't mean you actually knew them. Was it impolite just to walk in like I owned the place? And there was my answer, I didn't care if it looked impolite I would just waltz right on in there.

I turned the handle and marched in. Probably looking like some person from a horror movie. Kim actually looked scared, I laughed bitterly. She should be scared; I could kill her with one slap. If I wanted. But then me and Jared would fight. The pack would take his side. And I would die. Always the optimist, aren't I?

I sat down on one of the sofa, pretending to be totally bored by looking at my disgustingly dirty nails. Yuck! When were these last cleaned?

"Umm-" I looked up to see Emily staring at me "You need a towel Lee-ah, Leah?" She corrected herself quickly.

"No" I had limited myself to short answers to her because I didn't really want to get in an argument.

"Okay, um we're just waiting for Karen-" the name of my ex-mother-in-law-to-be sent a shiver through my body. But not an 'I'm about to phase' shiver more of an 'I'm in so much pain' kinda shiver.

"Hmmm" I mumbled

It was then that I decided to look round the room and see who had shown. I laid my eyes onto Kim who sat rigidly on the edge of her chair staring at me, Jared had trained her well. I'm sure if she saw one ripple go through my body, she would be out of here in a flash.

I turned my gaze onto Sarah who rolled her eyes and mouthed "So don't wunna be here" I had to bite my lip from laughing out loud. Next to Sarah was my Aunty Jan (Emily and Sarah's mum) who was gripping Sarah's hand for dear life. She kept throwing glances at me, she looked guilty. But I knew however much she hated Emily's decision, she was still her daughter and she must stand by Emily.

My mother sat beside her sister, she also kept throwing glances at me. But instead of looking guilty, she was throwing warning glances actually more like warning glares. Telling me not to try anything. I rolled my eyes at her, which made her give me the signature Sue death glare. When I was younger it was enough to reduce me to tears. But I was older now, stronger, less naïve.

It was then that Karen decided to turn up, her long, black hair stuck to the sides of her face.

"Karen!" Emily squealed "If you could come sit next to me we can get started" Karen looked directly at Emily, then to the chair next to her where she was observably meant to sit, before walking straight past it and sitting next to me. I looked up at Emily seeing the hurt spasm across her face.

"Leah" I turned to look into Karen's dark brown eyes "I don't care who walks down the isle to marry my son _you _will always be the daughter I never had, no one can replace you, not even that whore" she nodded towards Emily.

I smiled, what she had said had come form the heart. She cared, not many people did anymore. Karen reached out; put an arm around me pulling me into a motherly hug. I relaxed into it.

I heard the noises of the pack shouting and stomping from the outside. I turned around before they came in, as the door opened the heads of everyone else in the room turned too.

They paused when they saw us. They were wolves; they could feel the tension in the air.

"Is everything okay?" Sam asked slowly.

I sensed movement behind me, sometimes these wolf senses came in handy, my head snapped back just in time to see Emily disappear into her room.

"Leah, what did you do?" Sam growled

I jumped out of my seat, and faced my 'brothers' "Me? Nothing! I came here sat down and that was that!" I screamed

"Then explain why Emily just ran off!" He yelled right back

"How am I supposed to know? You're marrying the girl!"

"Can't you be nice for once?" He shouted

"I don't even know what I've done!"

"She didn't do anything" I turned to see Sarah standing behind me slightly to the right and Karen on my other side.

"Sam" Karen began looking for only child in the eye "I came in sat next to Leah, she ran off, nothing more"

"Stop trying to protect her!" Sam yelled

"She didn't do anything" I small voice said, the voice it seemed belonged to Kim. Jared walk past everything and wrapped one arm round his imprint, I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes, but Kim continued "just like Karen said, Karen sat next to Leah, Emily ran off. It wasn't Leah's fault"

I smiled in triumph, Kim was alright, why wasn't I friends with the girl? "Stay away from her" Jared growled to low for any human to hear. That's why I wasn't friends with her.

"See!" Sarah exclaimed "Leah did nothing wrong!" Sam sighed in defeat though he probably still didn't believe it.

I turned to Sarah "Drop Claire off at nine tomorrow, okay?" she nodded

I then turned back to Sam looking into his eyes (which caused my heart to shatter into even smaller pieces, pieces that were getting harder and harder to put back together) "It's always my fault, isn't it?" I asked before pushing my way out of the house.

Please someone remind me why I keep setting myself up for yet another kick in the gut?

**I know it was short but coming up we've got the newborn battle x **

**But please please please please please please review x**


	11. What is it storm into Clearwater house

**Here's the next update for you all x**

**Thank you so so so so so so so so much for the reviews x**

**:D X :D X :D X :D X :D X :D X :P**

**What is it storm into Clearwater house day?**

I stood in the shower letting the water run down my skin. It should have been burning me; it was on the hottest temperature. But because of my freaky, abnormal, she-wolfy body it hardly felt lukewarm.

For once I just wanted a nice hot shower. Do you think if I poured the kettle over my head I would feel the heat? Probably not.

I got out of the shower; it really had put a damper on my mood. Went to my room and quickly dried my hair, and put on some white shorts and a purple tank top.

I was looking after Claire this morning. But only because Emily and Sarah had the biggest argument I have ever seen those two in, and if she let Quil look after her than he would probably let Emily see her.

So yeah, Leah Clearwater the girl who will never have children, is looking after her cousins kid for four hours. Four hours isn't long.

I mean what's the worst that could happen?

Knowing that fate hates me, a lot could and probably will go wrong.

I heard the sound of feet pounding up the path outside my house and threw open the door before the people even had to knock.

"Aunty Weah!!!!!!!!" Claire screamed as she ran towards me, I picked her up in my arms spinning her around. I placed her gently back on the floor.

I looked up to see Sarah walking over with some huge ass smile on her face.

"Thanks for doing this Lee" she pulled me into a hug "I really appreciate it"

"Don't mention it," I assured her "I love this kid, it's really no trouble at all"

"Thanks" She pulled me into another hug before saying goodbye to Claire. As she backed down the path she called "Be back at one on the dot"

I laughed "It sounds like you don't trust me" She laughed as well before getting in her car and driving away.

I picked up Claire "So, Claire what do you want to do today?" She furrowed her eyebrows in deep concentration.

"Make coooookies" she smiled

"Okay" looking at that two year olds grin, I couldn't help but smile back.

Damn she was one cute kid.

We went to the kitchen, and started to make the cookies. After an hour they were in the oven, but me and Claire were covered from head to toe in flour, the walls covered with cake mix. It was gunna take a long time to clean.

There was a knock at the door, strange Seth was on patrol. Who else would be knocking?

"It's open!" I called

"Hey, Claire-bear" I looked up to see Quil standing in my kitchen.

"Qwil!!!!!!!!!!!!" Claire screamed, I put her down so she could run and hug him.

She jumped up and down excitedly "Have wou met my Aunty Weah?"

"Yeah" he smiled down at her

"She's da BEST aunty in da whowe**(A/N whole)** world!!" she said whilst doing all these hand gestures.

"Is she?" Quil asked sceptically

"Yeah!!! Whem I'm wolder I'm gumma be just wike her!"

"I don't think you wunna be like Leah" Quil told the little girl

Claire frowned at him "Why?"

"Coz she's mean" he stage whispered

"No!" Claire hit him "you're mean" she turned around and came and stood next to me. The hurt that flashed across his face was almost funny. I mean a two year old had this much power over a sixteen year old.

"What have you been teaching her, Clearwater?" he looked at me accusingly

"Me?" I asked innocently "Nothing. Why would you ask such a thing?"

He looked round the room "Well you must have been doing something…"

"It's none of your business, Quil. You're not married to my coz yet"

"Yuck! Leah you know I don't think like that!" he wined

"Yeah, well"

"And she's not your cousin" he pointed out

"Technically she's my second cousin, but she's more like a niece. Anyway do you have a reason to be here?"

"Just wanted to see Claire" Both mine and Quil heads snapped up as we heard footsteps coming through the living room.

"I want to see Claire!" Emily said as she came into the room.

"What is this? Storm-into-the-Clearwater's-house-and-demand-stuff-day?" I asked no one in particular.

"Aunty Emwey!" Claire cried and ran to give her a hug

"I'm taking her back to mine" Emily said to me

I raised my eyebrows "Sarah doesn't want you to see her, she's staying here" I said calmly but I could feel my body shaking. I took calming breaths. In…two…three…out…two…three

I looked at Emily, on one side of her face was a smug smile the other side was just some freaky deformed mouth that made little kids cry.

"We'll let Claire decide" she was playing dirty "Claire" she knelt down to Claire's height "do you want to come back to mine, we can make cookies" Emily looked at me an evil gleam in her eyes " that will actually taste good"

Claire smiled, shit she wanted to go. What was I gunna tell Sarah. Can't believe Emily takes everything from me. Why can't she ever be happy with what she has?

"No" Claire shook her little head Emily gasped in shock "I wumma stway here wib my fawooit **(A/N favourite) **aunty Weah!" Claire ran to me and picked her up and placed her on one hip "Anyway we allllll weady made coooookies"

Emily stood up, clearly pissed. She turned to Quil "Quil, Claire's not safe here. Leah can't even make cookies with the girl look at the state of them both. Leah hasn't got a good temper. You know that. What if Claire wanted to play a game Leah didn't? Do you want Claire to get hurt?" she asked

"Emily, get out of my house now, or I'll give you a matching scar down the other side of your face" I growled.

The fear shot across her face "See! She can't control it! Do you want Claire hurt?" she asked before she ran out of the house at top speed, which seemed horribly slow.

I looked at Quil, he looked funny. I knew he was having a mental argument about whether or not he should leave his precious Claire-bear with the big bad wolf (that actually wasn't that big).

"Quil, Claire will be fine. I'm not gunna hurt her. If you leave now I might even put a good word in for you to Sarah and Graham" I raised my eyebrows at him

"Aunty Weah won't hurt Cwaire, Qwil can go" Claire said

He sighed "I don't wunna go, but fine. If anything happens I wunna be the first to know" he said before leaving the same way Emily did.

Quil equals ungrateful bastard. I convinced Sarah to let him see his imprint. But do I get thanks? No! Coz I'm mean and don't help people when in fact I do.

I bring the pack closer together. Everyone knows that if a group of people (in this case wolves) has one common enemy, they become united and stand together. I am the common enemy. I sighed, is this the role I was gunna have to take forever? Coz it's really not as fun as it looks. And it doesn't even look fun.

The time with Claire passed really quickly. The cookies we made tasted really good. Seth smelled them came home and ate half of them. Me and Claire played with some dolls she had brought. And right now me, Seth and Claire are sitting on the coach watching teletubbies.

"Aunty Weah" Claire said

"Yeah, kid?" I said

"Wour sooooooo wucky, wou have a browver **(A/N brother) **I want a browver, wey are fun!" she smiled at Seth.

"Yeah their alright" I said punching Seth on the arm. He chuckled slightly. I knew he loved seeing me like this. Just being normal, he hated seeing me being bitter and cruel. Which was most the time.

A howl ripped through the afternoon air, I sighed.

"I think it's because we need to train for the fight" Seth said, too low for Claire to hear.

"Go on without me, I'll get mum to look after Claire. I'll be there in a sec"

He smiled at me, a big goofy grin. "Bye" he waved

"Mum?" I called guess I'll just have to wait. Oh well.

I pulled Claire into a hug, sitting her on my lap.

**30 minuets later**

Where was my mother?

I heard the front door open then slam shut.

"Leah! What the hell!" Jacob yelled as he walked into my living room. Claire jumped slightly.

"Shhh, Jacob you're scaring Claire" I hissed

I felt hurt, they usually sent two wolves to get people if they're late. Either they didn't think I would put up a fight or if I did they thought Jacob was strong enough on his own. Which he probably was, hell Brady (who was the youngest) could pick me up and force me to phase, if he wanted.

He continued, but thankfully lowered his voice "We howled for the pack over half an hour ago, just because you're a bitc-mean person" he corrected himself when he saw Claire staring at him "doesn't mean you can ignore the howl, Seth said you'd only be a second"

"I was waiting for my mum to take care of Claire"

"Have you left here to go find her?" he didn't wait for an answer "No you didn't. She's at mine with Billy"

"I'll just take her there then" I stood, pulling Claire with me

"No, I'm not gunna have you disappearing again. I'll take her" I held onto Claire tighter.

"What about Sarah? She'll come back here and freak if Claire's not here"

"I'll leave a note on the door"

"I'd rather just wait for Sarah"

"No" he bellowed "I am higher rank than you and I am telling you to leave Claire with me"

I frowned at him, it seemed like my only expression now a days.

"Fine" I snarled as I passed Claire to Jacob "Claire" I looked at the little girl "This is Jacob, he's one of Quil's friends. He's gunna take you to Aunty Sue. So be good"

"Okay, wuv wou Aunty Weah" I gave her a hug

"Love you too kid" I whispered before running into the forest.

I pulled of my clothes, tying them to my leg. Letting the wolf take over my body.

_Leah_ Sam growled. Shit he was angry.

**Before today the story was kinda writing itself but now I actually know what's gunna happen. Not in detail. But in ruff. I think this story is gunna go to the end of breaking dawn (after the volturi battle which wasn't actually a fight, I think I'm gunna have a pack party to celebrate or something) then I'm most probably gunna write a sequel saying what happens after coz Leah never gets a happy ending. I have a few ideas for that. I think it'll be called normal. :D so yeah x**

**Please review xxx thanks xxx**


	12. Today just isn't my day!

**Here's the next update x**

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews x**

**I love each and everyone x**

**They make me feel all happy inside x lol**

**Oh just if anyone cares (which you probs don't) I handed in my options form and I'm taking History, Dance, Spanish and German. And for reserves Sociology and Business studies. I'm taking long RE and short ICT. Higher English language, higher English Lit, higher math and triple higher science x yep I'm a nerd x lol x**

**Anyway on to the story x**

**Today just isn't my day!**

_Why the hell, did Emily come home crying? _Sam growled

_Quil was there so you already know, don't you? _I hissed

_I know, but I wunna here you say it _

_Why? Do you think it'll change what I said? _

_Can't you stop being a bitch for once?_

_I don't know. Can you stop being an ass?_

_Leah, you can't just yell at people for no reason!_

_No reason? She came into my house demanding to take Claire even though Sarah said not to let her! What was I supposed to do?_

_You could have asked nicely she would have listened_

_Are we talking about the same person? _

_You need to start thinking before you act!_

_You need to start living life like a nineteen year old not a forty year old!_

_And how do you suppose I do that? Sitting on the roof, getting pissed, alone? _

_Stay the fuck out of my life!_

_I can't, not when I'm always in your mind!_

_Then stay out of it!!!!!!_

_If I could I would!!!!_

_Sam, can we get back to training now? _Seth asked. Awwww, he was the best brother.

Sam shook his head; he'd only just remembered everyone else.

_Right, _he said getting into full alpha mode.

I raised my paw and hit my ear a couple of times. I knew what was coming next. Ever since…well ever, after me and Sam had had a fight I would feel a stab go through my heart. Lately they were becoming more painful (I'm pretty sure a knife through the heart would be less painful) and more frequent.

Three…two…one. The stab hit in a sudden wave, it took all my control not to whine in pain. I didn't need any of the guys laughing at me.

The training went on, it wasn't terribly exciting but it was better then patrol. I nearly lost a fight with Brady, which was hell embarrassing, but luckily when he was about to pin me I moved out the way. Once again I was grateful for the fact I was the fastest in the pack.

I think Embry has left a permanent scar on my thigh where he nearly bit my leg off, literality. I think it was to get back at me for all the times I called his mum a whore.

I had so, so, so many scars after training I was truly shocked.

It's funny though, none of the pack ever wanted anything to do with me. But today, now they had a good reason to be able to fight me, everyone wanted a chance. And they didn't even get labelled girl beaters because we were in 'training'.

When I fought Jacob I thought he was actually going to kill me. During the fight we had knocked down half the forest (not literality) he had pinned me and his claws were inches away from my face. He stopped before he did any serious damage.

Think he was just trying to scare me, it worked like hell. If I were in human I would have cried.

Later that night I sat on my bed, checking my wounds. Most had healed nicely, apart from three long strikes down my back, courtesy of Paul. And a bite make on the top of my left thigh, which still hurts like a bitch. The teeth marks looked white compared to my bronze skin.

Great to add to my further embarrassment of the day Embry fucking Call had scared me for life. Not in the way Sam had, in actual 'I can see your scar' way. No one will ever find out about this or so help me God…

I woke the next day, with THE worst pain in my back. Imagine hundreds of elastic bands being flung at your back over and over again. Now times by ten and wa la the pain on my back. But my thigh, errr fucking kills I swear to God Embry will pay, and he will pay hard.

I can wait for my revenge. If I strike too quickly he'll know its coming. Everyone assumes that just because I have a short temper I can't wait for revenge. But their wrong. It depends what person I'm dealing with. Some people I go with the verbal insults. Others I go for short and sweet. But people like Embry deserve to wait. But I will make him pay. Sooner or later. And in this case later.

I pulled my top over my head and checked out my back in the mirror. The scars were healing nicely; I just hoped I didn't get an infection. That would suck.

I looked at my leg to see, what a surprise…nothing had changed. True and utter embarrassment. I have been scared for life!

I needed to take something for the pain (not in my heart) and for my wounded pride. But if they did do pills for a broken heart give me their number.

I walked down the stairs, still in my pyjamas (long sleeve top and shorts, yes more then I wear in public).

Rubbing my eyes I walked into the living room "Seth, do you know where the pain killers are?"

"Awwww Leah, you in pain?" a voice called that was defiantly not my brother.

I opened my eyes to see Seth, Jacob, Embry and Quil sitting in my living room. But it couldn't be my living room.

I walked out the room looked up and down, walked back in "Is this my house?" I asked the room

I was responded by fits of laughter "Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" Seth asked after he'd calmed himself down.

"What are they" I motioned towards Jacob and his cronies who were just calming down "doing here then?"

"Umm…well" Seth mumbled

"Spit it out Seth!"

"Sam and Emily wanted some alone time" he said quickly, in a rush to get it out

"Oh" was all I answered "so, umm" I shook my head "do you know where the pain killers are?"

"Leah, you hurt from where the big bad wolves hurt you in training?" Jacob taunted

"Shut it Black!"

"What's that on your leg?" Quil asked

"Didn't your mother ever teach you manners Quil?" I snapped

"Seriously Leah it looks like someone bit-oh Embry dude that's where you bit her! It left some bite mark! It's not healing!"

I glared at Quil then Embry who hadn't said anything yet. He was looking at the floor guiltily. Good he should feel guilty. It hurt like a bitch!

"Leah" Seth appeared at my side, I hadn't noticed he had even left "Take five, it should help for a while" he handed me the tablets (I needed more because I'm a wolf)

"I owe you one" I called as I ran out the room.

Today was gunna be a long day.

After I had changed my clothes and ran the brush through my hair, I left the house without saying a word to the assholes (Seth not included in the word asshole). There was no way in hell was I gunna sit round here all day with _them_.

I walked down the main road in La Push. The road where most, if not all, the shops were.

I remembered all the times I had walked down here as a kid. With my parents, when I had been looking after Seth, with Rachel, Lorey and Candy. With Sa- with Sam.

Tears blurred my sight as I thought about all the times I had walked down this road.

I paused outside of my old work place, I had been forced to quit after my first shift. It wasn't much; I had always wanted more when I was there. But now I only wanted to go back. I knew I never could. Not just because of the wolf thing (though that was a key point) it was because Miss Call owned it.

To be fair I had nothing against her. In fact I loved the women like a second maybe third mum. She was always kind to me. Gave me a job, days off when I needed them. Hugged me when she found out about Sam, told be he was a dumb jerkwad. I sighed. When I bitched about the women I didn't mean a thing I said. I'm surprised no one saw passed my empty words. The only reason I said them was to cause as much trouble as I could. I knew I should stop, and I wanted to, I did. It's just hard, I can't let down my barrier that I've spent so long building.

I wanted to collapse into a flood of tears and apologise for everything I've ever said to anyone, especially to Miss Call. But I knew I couldn't, hell if I did I would only be more hurt. They would never let me forget it, ever.

I wanted my old job back, my old life. I used to be the happiest, fun loving kid in La Push. Now people only know me as the bitter harpy.

And even if Embry hadn't told her all the hateful things I had said, she sure as hell wouldn't want me working for her again. Last time, I quit without a moments notice left her all high and dry. She wouldn't want to see me.

I pushed the door, I just had to see.

The door opened to the familiar bell sound. I looked around the small food shop; I stopped when I saw Miss Call behind the counter.

"Leah!" she squealed, I breathed out a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

She run over to me and pulled me into a hug, which I returned awkwardly. It seems Embry hadn't told her about what I say.

I looked down at her, yes down, must have grown some more. "Leah I haven't seen you in so long"

"I've missed you Miss Call" I whispered

"Please, how many times do I have to tell you, call me Michelle"

"Okay" I nodded; she was making me feel like my insides were burning me.

"We have so much to catch up on, tea?"

I nodded; feeling like I was about to breakdown.

An hour or so later and several cups of tea, I was sitting on the counter (it was a slow day) talking with Miss Ca- Michelle.

We spoke about me and Sam, dad, Seth, life in general. Which is weird because I was never that close to the women, yes I always thought of her as a second mum but I would never have gone into detail about stuff. Constantly throughout the whole conversation there was a stabbing pain in my gut, I was ridden with guilt.

"My son, Embry, I don't know what's wrong with him. Ever since he started hanging with Sam and he's friends, he's been missing school, always tired and when I go into is room at night most the he's not there. I talk to him, I yell at him, I ground him. But nothing works. I'm at a loss. I don't, I just don't know what to do anymore" she leaned against the wall.

I took a sip from my drink "Maybe it's just a phase" even though I knew it wasn't "he'll get over it, I'm sure" even though I knew he wouldn't

At that moment the bell, which signalled someone coming through the door, sounded.

I looked up to see Embry sending a death glare in my direction.

"Embry" Michelle called "You know Leah, right?" he nodded stiffly.

I was the first to break eye contact "Um, wunna coffee? Or tea?" I lifted my cup in the air.

He continued staring at me "Embry answer!" Michelle scolded

"Coffee, thanks" he replied, I had never heard so much venom dripping from his words before. Personally I had never thought he was scary. But hell lately I have been proved wrong!

I jumped off the counter and headed to the room out back.

I grabbed one of the mugs from the top shelf; I started to boil the kettle.

"What are you playing at, Clearwater?" I turned to see Embry blocking the door.

"I have no idea what you're talking about"

"BULL! You talk shit about her all day then come here and talk to her, I don't buy it" he growled

"I don't have a problem with her, Call" I hissed back. I spooned some coffee granules in the mug.

"Yeah, then why do you talk shit?" he closed the space between us

I paused "Empty words, I only say them to get at you, asshole" I turned my back on him "Milk?"

"Yeah" I poured the milk in "So you're saying that everything you say is a whole load of bullshit?"

"No, I'm saying I have nothing wrong with your mum, but everything wrong with you. Do you take sugar?"

"Yeah, one spoon" I put a spoonful of sugar into the coffee "Then why were you being such a bitch?" he seemed genuinely confused

"Hasn't anyone told you? I'm the 'bitch of La push'" I laughed bitterly

"I've seen inside your head and I still have no idea how you work"

"Yeah, I'm totally fucked up" I shoved the mug into his hands.

I waked back into the shop "Bye Michelle I'm going now"

"Oh okay, bye Leah see you soon"

I stormed out the shop. I ran my fingers through my hair, it had started to rain.

Embry was such an ass! Couldn't he stay out of my business, couldn't anyone?

By the time I got to the end of the road it was pouring. My clothes were soaked through to my skin.

Today just wasn't my day. But when was it ever?

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	13. It's too late!

**Next update!!!**

**Fast, right? x**

**Thanks for all the reviews x I feel loved x**

**IMPORTANT NOTE TO MAYING38 IF YOUR READING**

**Also maying38 I just want to say your review got me thinking, and I hope Seth and Leah relationship is better in this chap. I will carry on writing Seth more brotherly. Because I have a baby bro and you were so totally right, by what you were saying. In fact you kinda inspired the chap. I wasn't gunna do this chap it was kinda a spur of the moment thing. So thanks. :D tell me what you think of this chap x**

**Nearly Easter x YAY chocolate x**

**My friends on new pills coz she's a retard (not literally) and can't eat chocolate, cheese or wine!!!!!! :D**

**Oh yeah and I got some certificate saying I'm the best female in my yea at Math! YAY! I'm such a nerd x**

**Anyway on we go x**

**It's too late!**

Later that day, I sat on my bed, alone. Listening to the rain patter on the roof in a relaxing way. Patter, patter, patter…pat, pat, patter. Patter, patter, patter…pat, pat, patter.

A single tear rolled down my cheek, there was a faint knock on my door. I wiped the loan tear. "Come in" I called

"Hey Lee" Seth said as he came to sit next to me "You feeling better?"

"Kinda" my voice cracked,

He looked at the floor "Your leg still hurt?"

I looked at him "Why do care?" tears blurring my vision, but pure will can't stop them from falling as a few did.

"Leah, you can be a bitch sometimes, but I still love you you're my sister. No matter what"

"Why do you need a sister when you have a pack full of brothers, you always wanted brother"

"I-you're my sister. Always have been always will. No brothers can change that. We've always had each others backs. I'm not giving up on you, not now" he shook his head.

"Just-I-I just wunna be alone. Please Seth"

"No-no you don't. Not to me too. You keep pushing people away. Don't do it to me. Don't do this Lee, please" his eyes were watering, I felt a stab of pain ripple through me.

"Seth" I shook my head "It's too late"

"Leah! Don't say that!"

"I'm sorry" I squeezed my eyes shut "just leave"

I heard the front door slam as he left. He was a happy kid, and I felt bad for binging out the worst in him. By pushing him away, I was pushing away from my bad luck. If he stayed away, fate wouldn't force him away. Or worse take out some of its anger on him too.

**Seth POV**

I stormed out of the house. I couldn't see my sister like that. She had always been strong. Now she was just pretending she was. At night, when she thought everyone was asleep, I hear her cry herself to sleep. It broke my heart. What you do when the strongest person you've ever met starts falling apart before your very eyes?

Her life has gone in a constant downward spiral. So much pain had been conflicted on her. Sometimes I wondered why she didn't just run, leave. But then I answered my own question, because she knew her tribe needed her. She knew it would kill mum. Kill me.

I remember the day she had found out about Emily and Sam. She ran to me crying. That day still haunts my dreams nearly as often as the day my dad died.

At first I tried to help her, and then I ignored her pain like I thought she wanted me to. I don't know what goes on in her head. But I know she needs me.

Her bitchy attitude made her hard to love, but I did. If I had been through what she had I would be the same. People never gave her enough credit, she sat and watched Sam and Emily live their lives she's attending their wedding isn't she? God people just cut her some slack.

"Seth!" Someone called. I turned to see the whole pack (minus Leah of coarse) walking over to me.

"Hey" I mumbled, whilst saluting

Jacob frowned "What's wrong?"

"Nothing"

"What did Leah do?" Sam asked

"Nothing! She did nothing! Why do you always think every time something's wrong you immediately think of Leah?" I yelled, I knew I was being snappy. But he always looked down at my sister. They all did!

"Coz she's a bitch" Paul muttered

"She's had so much to deal with! I'd like to see you lot fall in love then them break off your engagement so the love of your life could marry your cousin and best friend. Then get invited to their wedding as maid of honour. Turn into a wolf, the only girl wolf in the history of time! Think you were the reason your dad was killed. Your mum forces you to go to your ex's, that you still love, wedding as maid of honour. On top of that deal with, a bunch of kids who hate you, thoughts in your mind. I'd like to see you lot not be a bitter bitch!" I knew they were all shocked with my out burst. They had never heard me swear and seeing as they saw into my head, that was a shocker.

"Seth, dude you alright?" Quil asked

"Why don't you go play Barbie's with your child bride" I stormed away leaving them all frozen in shock.

Good! They all thought I was just the dumb, happy kid. But she's my sister.

And blood is thicker than water.

**Back to Leah POV**

I ran my fingers threw my short, messy hair.

I loved Seth with all my heart, and hated fighting with him. Maybe one day, when he's found his imprint, got married and had some little puppies he'll know why I did it.

But until that day, he'll probably hate me.

Life truly is a bitch.

You know when someone turns up at your house and you really don't want them there? Yeah that's how I felt, when the Emily walked into my living room.

"What you doing here?" I asked, kinda pissed that she didn't knock again.

"Seth-" I didn't let her finish, I hopped off the coach and grabbed her arms

"Where is he? Is he alright? Is he hurt?"

"He's fine, well fine-ish. He had a go at the pack. He was standing up for you." she glared at me

"Shit! What did they do to him? I'll kill 'em I will kill 'em" I took in deep calming breathes, so I didn't phase and rip someone's throat out. Someone I may regret later. I looked at Emily. Or maybe not.

"They didn't hurt him, but he said some pretty harsh stuff"

"So, now they know he's not a kid to mess with" I said smugly

"You need to get over this whole bitter thing, it's really not working for you"

"And you need to get over this 'I'm better then you' thing"

"Why? The whole pack loves and respects me. Can you say the same? In fact does anyone like you anymore? Did they even in the first place?"

"Shut the fuck up!" I growled

"I hope…" she began

"Don't hope, hoping only kills the heart. I should know"

I walked past her. Sometimes you just have to walk away.

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**I know it was short x but review x**


	14. Scared of the big mean parasites

**Here's the next update x**

**Happy Easter everyone x**

**PS: Thanks for the reviews x they make me smile x**

**Scared of the big mean parasites **

I ran my fingers through my short hair. Today was the day we were to fight the newborns.

I turned to looked at my baby brother. He looked indifferent sitting eating his breakfast. Whereas I was sitting here freaking out.

I really wished I took Sam's offer and stayed out of the fight. But that would make me look weak.

Being in a pack, with a bunch of guys that can lift double their weight above their heads, I constantly have to prove myself. Being the weakest has its downside. Well several downsides.

So I was to go to the fight to prove to them, and myself, that I was just as strong as they were. If not stronger, observably in my own way, as I would never be as physically strong as them.

The other reason for me going into the fight was because if I didn't go, Seth would. And I am NOT sending my little 15 year old brother into a fight because I'm scared. Scared of the big, mean parasites.

Even though I would never admit it out loud, or in my head for that matter. I cared about the pack, even though they're all asses. And if one got hurt, even if it wasn't my fault, I would never forgive myself. Especially if I was sitting safe in La Push.

The howl ripped through the morning air, it was a signal and a command in one.

"Let's go, Seth" I said standing up

He grabbed my arm pulling me back "Are you sure, Lee. We can swap, you take to guarding Bella. I'll take the fight"

"Just coz you want in the fight" I hit him on the arm playfully

"Just wunna make sure you're safe"

I smiled shyly "I'll be fine, Seth, promise"

We separated into the forest so we could shift.

I stripped and welcomed the now familiar hot rush down my back.

_Good, everyone's here. Seth change places with Jacob. Collin, Brady stick to running the perimeter. Everyone else in formation. _

We all moved to our places. Brady and Collin started a conversation on some random crap that was on TV last night. Everyone soon got involved. I stayed quite.

Weren't they scared? Not even the littlest bit? They were talking about what was on TV last night, whist I was here shitting my pants.

I tired sooooo hard to control my feelings not wanting anyone to realise what I was feeling. They all felt the fear, I wasn't that good at hiding my emotions, but no one realised it was my fear they all assumed it was the packs as a whole.

We were all in the forest now. Physic had come to tell us what was happening.

Seth was already curled in a ball out the tent making sure he wasn't listening in.

Jacob phased in to check what was happening. Sam told him it would start in an hour.

Jacob's ears pricked up he was listening to mind rapist and leech lover's conversation.

_Jake, you sure that's a good idea _Sam asked

_Shhhhh _Jacob hissed

We all listened into the private conversation, like freaking nosy bastards.

"I'm still not sure" wunna-be leech muttered "You've always seemed more like a dream than reality. Tell me one of yours, now" she was demanding "Did I guess your first place?"

"No-that would be two nights ago, when you finally agreed to marry me"

Jacob froze; his whole mind began to shut down. His heart felt like it was shattering, but not quickly. It literary felt like his heart was slowly bleeding out. It reminded me of how I felt everyday.

He let out a mournful howl, which broke of into a painful sob. The pack was paralysed by his pain, no one moved. No one made a sound. No on did a thing.

Jacob ran, he ran from the girl he loved and her fiancé. Leech-girl ran out if her tent, she stared straight at Seth, and he stared right back. Still no one made a noise. It was the quietest the pack had ever been no one knew what to say or do.

Ed-weirdo appeared in front of Jacob asking him to return because _Bella _wanted him there. _No_ the pack coursed over and over again. But Jacob looked into Seth's mind, through Seth's eyes. And what Seth saw was about to make Jacob do a completely stupid thing.

Bella sat in front of her tent _crying_. Didn't she care that she was hurting Jacob? I didn't even like him and I cared!

Jacob phased back to go talk to his Bella. The whole pack stayed silent.

_Stupid bitch _I muttered

All it took was those two words, and the whole pack started cussing out Isabella Swan. The only one who didn't was Seth that's coz he's just too damn nice.

We all shut up, like someone had just pressed mute. When we saw, through Seth's eyes, Jacob walked towards Bella.

Seth moved to greet Jacob, before leaving with Edward into the forest. No one spoke.

When Jacob came back, he seemed surprisingly too happy. The pack all realised why at the same moment. He had tricked Bella-gunna-be-a-leech-soon-Swan into kissing him. He kept replaying the kiss over and over in his mind. He was thinking of her soft lips, her…

_Jake, stop now. We're all about to be sick. So please focus now! _Sam ordered

We started to get into formation; Seth wanted to be here with us. He started to whimper.

_Baby _I muttered

_Leah! Focus _Sam said

_I can't help what goes through my mind. It's not like anyone's supposed to read it anyway. _I mumbled. He ignored me.

I smelt the sickly sweet smell and noticed around ten vamps in front of us, their backs to us. One noticed our scent, he went to turn, I pounced before he could even properly turn. Ripping off his head as I went, Sam came to help me finish him off.

Jacob and Paul took down another one. We started to push them towards the clearing whist still taking them down.

Seth sniffed _What is it?_ Jacob asked

_Vampire_ Seth answered _Edward told me to leave, what do you want me to do?_

_Leave _Sam told him, even though Sam had told him to Seth stood there.

_Seth! For fucks sake, go, leave, run! _I screamed

Seth stumbled at first, before running into the forest. We continued to fight.

I caught something in Seth's mind. He was heading back. I howled, I was delighted when it was higher pitched then if one of the guys had howled.

_Seth! No! Don't please! _I cried

_Sorry, Leah!_ He replied

He tore into the clearing where Mind man and Bitch were. He ripped into the blonde vamp that was standing there. The leech kicked him in the shoulder. It cracked.

_Leah, behind you! _I'm not really sure who yelled to me but I turned around, to see a small vamp running towards me. I dodged just in time and pounced in her ripping her apart, Quil helped me rip her to shreds and chuck her into the fire we had made earlier.

I tried to focus back into what was happening with Seth. _God, Leah. Concentrate where you are. I'm fine _Seth whined

Embry and Jared were finishing off the last of the leeches. _Done! _Jared cheered

All the guys set of howls of achievement, but something didn't seem right to me. The hair over my body still stood up. I didn't understand my instincts half the time, and this was one of those times. All I knew was that I had to turn around now.

As I did I saw a vamp running full speed straight at me. I wanted to move, I tried to move. But my joints locked, in fear?

_Leah! Move! _I don't know who said it, but I tried again.

Something ran into my side with so much force, that I was smacked into a tree. The tree collapsed under up sudden weight and force. I turned in time to see the leech wrap their arms around Jacob, crushing his bones. My body rippled with pain, Jacob's pain. Pain that should have been mine. Jacob took the blow, for me.

Sam recovered first, pouncing onto the leech pulling him off of Jacob, Paul went to help him rip the body apart. Whilst Jared, Quil and Embry searched for any other vamps we may have missed.

Instead of helping them, I phased back and ran to where Jacob lay, motionless. I didn't even care that I was completely naked. Sitting in front of Jacob I started to talk "I'm no doctor but I'm pretty sure you're not meant to shut your eyes. Jacob Black don't fucking shut your eyes" I actually pushed his eyelids up, he cringed in agony "Don't die, if you do I swear I will bloody kill you!" I screamed

"Leah get out of the way" Sam's voice was cold, but I did as I was told.

The leech doc came forward and examined Jacob, my eyes never left what they were doing. Someone handed me a top to put on, I didn't register who it was. The doc had to break Jacob's bones so they would heal in the right shape; he was still in wolf form. Shouldn't they try get him back? My breath came fast and heavy, taking sniffles now and then.

Finally the doc spoke "He should be fine now, he is already healing. Take him to La Push and get him into his human form. It would help his recovery greatly if I could monitor it"

"You may enter La Push, only to make sure Jacob is healing, after that the treaty is back in place" Sam replied in his Alpha tone. The doctor nodded before heading back to his family.

Each guy grabbed some part of the true Alpha to carry back to La Push. "Go home Leah, you can't help here" I looked up to see five sets of angry glares. I nodded hanging my head in shame before turning and running, faster then I've ever run before.

I walked into the living room; I had never felt guiltier in my life. Seth jumped up as I got there "How could you be so stupid, Leah?" he asked

A single tear spilled over, he pulled me forward wrapping his arms around me. I rested my head on his chest "I don't know" I mumbled "I really don't know"

**There we go chapter fourteen :D**

**Please review x**


	15. Not a life worth saving

**Okay I'm soooooooooooooooooo sorry I haven't updated x**

**I went on holiday x**

**Which was awesome x I went inside a hamster ball x walked on water x went on a shopping spree x won a teddy in a grabber machine x and found out I can tie my hair up x**

**I did write 4 chapters x**

**But I wrote on paper x**

**So I'm gunna have to copy it out x **

**So the next chaps should be up very, very, very soon x**

**Anyway enjoy the chap x**

**Not a life worth saving**

Living in La Push everyone knows everyone. Everyone is in everyone else's business. To put it simply they are all nosy bastards.

Okay, I'm not paranoid or anything, but I know I am the main topic of conversation to the gossip whores. Hell, if I were them and they were me I would gossip about them. I was the daughter of a much respected man, smart, pretty, had the perfect boyfriend. I was going places.

Then I got dumped for my cousin, my own flesh and blood, quit my job, started hanging out with a whole load of shirtless guys (even if I couldn't stand them) and became a protector.

It was the biggest news since Rebecca Black ran to Hawaii with her Hawaiian husband.

I had gone from the pretty, girl next door type to the bitter, bitchy, whore who hardly wore any clothes. The old ladies at the store would say things like "If her father were still alive, he would never have let her act like this…" "It is very sad what happened to her but it has been two years…" URGH! They are so fucking annoying! I want to slam their fucking faces into a wall!

On the other hand Emily was "the poor girl that got mauled by a bear" still people stayed away from her. Claiming it was because "she hurt one of her own" but everyone knew it was because her scars crept people out. Who could blame them? They made looking at her a chore.

As I walked down the familiar road towards the Black house, carrying a tray with two cakes on, I literary felt eyes following me. People peeking out their windows, wondering what Leah, the strange girl, with the messy hair, baggy top and shorts was doing. They tried to hide themselves as well as possible because they were freaked by me. I knew I looked scary; I was a wolf for crying out loud, it came with the territory. But seriously, this was getting ridiculous.

My bare feet made no noise on the sidewalk, cars rarely passed. Why use a car, when everything is in walking distance? The street was eerily silent.

I saw Kim and Collin on the other side of the street. Kim always tried to do right by her little brother, to bad it never seemed to work. They both smiled the same weary smile. Ha! They were scared. Good! I worked bloody hard to get this reputation. But I would do anything to give it back.

I carried on down the long road, pushing against the instinct that was telling me to turn and run for the hills.

I stood outside the Black house. When I was younger, not that long ago actually, it was like a second home. I hadn't been there in ages, my breath caught in my throat. My eyes roaming the old red house, the garden where I used to play when I was little. Memories, this was probably the last place I was stress free, happy.

When you have nothing left you can only hold onto the memories. And hold onto them I would. They were the only thing that kept my head above water. The only thing that kept me from slipping under completely.

I opened the door, not bothering to knock. Why should I? All through my childhood and teen years I was told to just walk in, like I said before it was my second home. But somehow it felt different walking in. What change? Of course I knew the answer, I had. Peeking into the living room I saw Billy sleeping in his armchair. He reminded me so much of my dad it made me want to breakdown.

Turning down the narrow hall, I wondered how Jacob could even fit down here; I made my way to his room. My hand on the door handle, I took a deep breath. It was time to swallow my pride and thank him or apologise maybe both, whatever it takes to make him forgive me.

He opened his eyes as I walked in.

"Hey" I chocked

"Hey?" He made it sound more like a question

I walked over to his bedside; he looked weak as though the slightest movement would cause him pain.

"Jacob…" I whispered

"Don't. You think you can come here; say _sorry_ and it'll all be okay? That I'll roll over? Let you off the hook? Did Seth put you up to this?" He yelled, picking up one of the cakes and threw it against the wall, it crumbled into a million pieces. As he laid back down he flinched in agony.

"It was my idea, you arrogant son of a bitch!" I screamed biting back tears of rage.

"Sorry for saving your life, Clearwater!" I didn't even acknowledge the entrance of Quil and Embry.

"Apology accepted!" I screamed whilst plummeting the final cake into Jacob's head.

I didn't think about how much time it took to make the cakes, or how much effort. The only thing I could focus on was the shaking of his hands and pleasure it brought me.

Misery likes company, right?

A sly smile played on my lips as I turned away from the enraged boy. I started towards the door but Embry grabbed my arm, successfully pulling me back.

"Get off me you bastard, you're a disgrace, you know that? Your own father didn't want to stick around for you. You're a joke Embry. Your father's out there and you're too spineless to find out who the fuck he is!" I snarled

His hands started to tremble slightly, my eyes narrowed, my smile growing wider. I think I had just started a new game, and I loved it. They no idea what they were in for. Other then the slight shacking (which wasn't even noticeable by the human eye) he made no signs in which he heard me. "Aren't you gunna clean that up?" he nodded towards the mess on the ground.

"Why should I?" I snarled

"He saved your life" Quil growled, losing his cool.

"It wasn't a life worth saving" I said before pushing them out of the way and storming onto the street.

"Damn right" I heard one of them say.

I walked down the road a bit, the anger and rage still thick in my blood, burning me from the inside. I only saw red. My nails cut into my palm drawing blood. My breathing quick and frequent. Biting down on my lip to stop from screaming. My bare feet hit stones on the sidewalk, cutting them. What did I care? It would heal in a minuet anyway. Tears blurred my vision as I shoved my way into my house.

Why is that I'm not home though I'm sitting in my room? That I'm so lonely but I'm surrounded by so many people? That I have no parents left though I talk my mum? That I hate someone with every fibre of my being yet love them with everything inside of me?

The first tear dropped, followed by another and another. Till I couldn't contain them anymore. I rolled into a ball letting the despair was over me.

The phone sent a shrill noise through my brain, I moved to get it "Hello" I croaked, my voice hoarse.

"Lee! It's Rach" Rachel cooed into my ear

"Oh, hey" I said wiping the tears from my eyes "how have you been?"

"I've been good. I just thought you might want to know…I'm graduating early. So I'll be coming home in about two, three months"

"That's…that's great! Well not so much for you because you never wanted to come back to our crappy home town, but I can't wait to see you"

"I've missed you so much Lee, but look I have to go. I'll speak to you soon"

"Wait! Rach, you should know. Things are different now, it's changed. I've change. I'm not the same. Nothings the same. Not anymore."

**Okay this looked a whole lot longer in my note book x**

**Shit chapter 17 is gunna be really short then x ho hum, we'll live x**

**Please review x**

**:D**

**xxx**


	16. Happy freaking birthday, dad

**Thanks for all the reviews you guys it means so so much x**

**VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT**

OKAY WHEN LEAH BREAKS OFF TO JOIN JACOB'S PACK I'M GOING TO WRITE FROM A MEMBER OF SAM'S PACK POINT OF VIEW SO PLEASE PLEASE VOTE ON MY PROFILE ON WHO YOU WANT IT TO BE!!!

**On with the next chap x**

**Happy freaking birthday, dad**

_She was behind me, whispering in my ear, saying she loved me. I turned to face her, looking into her deep chocolate eyes. Her dark curls fell in front of her face; I pushed her hair behind one ear. She looked at me, through her thick black lashes. "Bella…" I breathed. But she stopped me, catching her lips with mine. Our lips moved in synchronisation, soft at first but getting rougher and more desperate. I felt her tongue sneak its way in my mouth, exploring. She bit my bottom lip._

I sat up in my bed, in a cold sweat. Gripping the covers, I grounded my teeth together. I flipped on the lamp next to my bed whilst running my fingers through my mattered hair. I fucking hated Jacob-Bella-loving-Black. Making me have a lesbo dream. I don't even like Bella-leech-loving-Swan, now I had a bloody dream about her. Where we were kissing! How was I supposed to live with that?

I threw up, twice, took a shower, then another and another. Before following Jacob's sent to a cliff. I knew he wanted to be alone, that's why I had to ruin it. He had to pay, for my god awful dream, my cakes and my hurt pride.

He was sitting there. Gazing across the cliff edge. His crutches by his side. Even though he didn't need them. I'm not completely heartless; I was struck with guilt when I saw him. But it passed as quickly as it came. I stood behind him.

"Jacob, do you think this is going to take to much longer?" I made sure the right amount of whininess in my voice. Anything to piss this oaf off.

"Jump off a cliff, Leah" he replied calmly. Guess I was gunna have to do better if I want to win the game.

Because really that's all life, is one big game. With winners and losers and cheaters. There are rules and punishment for those who don't follow them. You stay strong to get to the end. You have to keep moving. The more sixes you roll the better chance you have at winning. I was trying my god damn hardest to win. But I don't I quite understand the rules, how else do I keep getting ones on the dice?

"Really, kid" I ignored him, throwing myself into a sprawl on the ground next to him. "You have no idea how hard this is for me!" Good. Make him think you only believe it' about you. He's bound to crack. I'm bound to roll a six.

"For you? You have to be the most self-absorbed person alive, Leah. I'd hate to shatter the dream world you live in-the one where the sun is orbiting the place you stand-so I won't tell you how little I care what your problem is. _Go. Away._" Still not angry. I was going to have to bump it up again.

"Just look at it from my perspective for a minute, okay" I continued, he laughed it actually looked as though it hurt him.

"Stop snorting and pay attention" I snapped

"If I pretend to listen, will you leave?" He asked. I scowled at him.

"This is making me sick, Jacob. Can you imagine what this is feels like to me? I don't even _like _Bella Swan. And now you've got me grieving over this leech-lover like I'm in love with her, too. Can you see where that might be a little confusing? I dreamed about kissing her last night! What the hell am I supposed to do with that?"

"Do I care?"

"I can't stand being in your head anymore! She's going to marry that thing. He's going to try to change her into one of them! Time on move on, boy"

"Shut up" He growled. Now we we're getting somewhere. Just need to turn it up a notch.

"He'll probably just kill her anyway" I sneered "All the stories say that happens more often then not. Maybe a funeral will be a better closure then a wedding. Ha"

Finally he actually started to shake; he fought back the animal inside him.

I smiled at his quivering hands, I like this game. I think I deserved a five for that.

"If you're upset about gender confusion, Leah…" he said slowly, emphasizing each word. "Hoe do you think the rest of us like looking at Sam through your eyes? It's bad enough Emily has to deal with your fixation. She doesn't need us guys panting after him, too"

I felt the familiar pain ripple through me, like someone stabbing me in the heart. Tears welled in my eyes. I scrambled to my feet-pausing to spit in his direction-I ran to the woods shaking like hell.

Jacob Black beat me again, he rolled a good six.

I didn't stop to phase. I fought the urged running home, slamming the door to my room. Sliding down the down, till I was in a sitting position. My knees under my chin. My arms wrapped round me. The first tears began to fall. But they didn't stop there, they keep coming and coming and coming.

Jacob: 2

Leah: 0

Why was I always the one crying in the end?

That night Jacob left, ran to the woods. Couldn't handle it anymore. I have one word to describe people like him. Weak. That was what he was, weak. I couldn't handle it, but I tried. He actually had people to talk to, I didn't and I still stick around. What did he know about pain? He fell for his best friend, she never showed any of the same feelings back, she went back to the love of her life. I'm in love with a guy who loved me back, a long time ago, then he fell for my best friend, she accepted and I had to see him everyday. Take away the magic, the wolves, the vampires, the imprinting and that's what you get. Whose story sounded worse to you? Because please if you think Jacobs had a harder life please email, text or call me. I fucking dare you!

He thought what he was going through was painful, try going through what I have. I haven't run!

A week or so passed and we hadn't gotten much of a reply from the heartbroken guy (Jacob). Seth had been answering calls from leech-lover herself, giving her a report on how Jacob's doing, how does she think? She shattered his fucking heart! Just coz I didn't like Jacob didn't mean I could congratulate her on breaking him.

The phone rang, I answered "Hey" I said casually

"Leah, how are you? Can I talk to Seth, please?" Bella asked, her shrill voice already annoying me to no end.

"No, you can't talk to Seth coz if I so much as hear your voice on this phone; I will find you, rip off your arms and beat you to death with them. Understand?" I growled, she hung up. I wondered if I should change the phone number, but knowing Seth he would give it to her anyway.

You may be wondering why in exceptionally bad mood today. Well the reason is it's my dad's birthday today, and Sam is making me patrol. He is fucking making patrol, today! Today of all days! When all I wanted to do was crawl into a ball and mourn my father.

So right before Isabella Swan so rudely called, I was going to Sam's to make a formal complaint.

I ran the short route to Sam and Emily's in human form.

I burst through the door, I thought it was a good time to make a bold entrance. They were all sitting there, eating, talking, being a _family_. URGH!

Sam stood "Shouldn't you be on patrol, Leah?"

"I can't believe you" I snarled, shortening the distance between us "I can't believe you're making me patrol on my dad's birthday! Why, why Sam"

"I am your alpha, you'll do as I say" he said standing his ground "No one can swap with you anyway"

I looked round the room at all the people who could swap with me "Why can't you?" I questioned, more calmly then I thought I would sound.

"I can't, Emily needs me it's her dead uncle's birthday today, and she's pretty upset" his voice going all dreamy as he spoke of his imprint.

I stared at him blankly; no one made a noise "Are you serious?" I whispered "Are you fucking serious?!?!?!?!?!?" I screamed, the hot shiver running up my spine, I was about to embrace it when Seth stood.

"That's out of order Sam" he said calmly coming to stand behind me "you're not making me patrol today, you never made Jake patrol on a day that would remind him of his mum. Same with Quil about his dad. Just Leah. It makes no sense, like you want to make her crack. And by the way, I've known Leah and Emily my whole life and trust me Leah is way more upset about my dad then Emily can even begin to understand. If you don't want to patrol, make my cousin" he grabbed my wrist "Come on, Lee" I gave Sam the finger (when you put your middle finger up) before letting Seth dreg me out.

We spent the rest of the day watching bad movies our dad used to love, random crap like 'Kill Bill' '12 monkeys' and 'Nikita' (Nikita is spoken in French the whole way through). We remembered old stories, laughed, cried. It was nice to get it off our chests.

My mum walked in halfway through the story of the first and last time our dad took us fishing. It was boring as hell; I was trying to find a station on the radio. Seth, being the idiot he is, thought he felt a tug on his line; he pulled so hard he fell off the other side of the boat. He scared off all the fish but it didn't matter. We had a great day and brought a fish from the shop on the way home.

Back to mum walking in "What are you lot doing?" she asked

"Just remembering dad" I answered _not that you would care_

"Oh" she sounded sad for a second, it almost tricked me into thinking she actually cared "Carry on" she recovered quickly "Don't forget, Leah, Monday you're going wedding shopping with Emily's bridal party"

She didn't care about dad, didn't care about me, didn't care about our family. Not anymore.

What I told Rachel was right. Things were different, things had changed.

"How could I forget?"

**Please review x**

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**Also I asked my dad about the movies so sorry if they don't fit x**


	17. That's a hooker dress

**Okay here's the next chap x**

**I know, I was fast x**

**JUST TO REMIND EVERYONE OF THE POLL x**

**That's a hooker dress**

So here I stood in Sam and Emily's kitchen, waiting for Kim to come so we could get this god damn wedding thing over and done with, preferably before a breakdown.

"Emily" I said walking over to her "look I don't think it's a good idea for me to come"

She frowned at me placing her hands on her hips "Why ever not, Leah?" she asked in her mothering tone of voice, the on she used when she was pretending to care x

"Well, whatever I see like the bridesmaids dresses, your dress Sam's gunna see. You don't want that do you?" I asked, my last bid at freedom.

"Don't worry about that. I've thought of everything, silly. It doesn't matter about _your _dress, he won't care even care about that bit, the only thing he'll care about is _my_ dress. So you'll have to leave before then" she answered with fake sweetness.

I smiled big and fakely, "I never thought of it like that" I said sweetly sarcastic.

But pain hit me when I realised she was right. What would Sam care how I looked? He had perfect Emily now.

Kim arrived then which was lucky for Emily because I was about to rip that girls head of and post it to Sam in the mail. "Sorry I'm late" she said walking over to where me and Emily were standing, making an effort to keep as far as possible from me, "Ohh, Leah you look really nice today" she said happily.

I didn't think I looked nice, sure I looked nicer then normal but not good enough to look _nice_. I wore denim shorts, white tight tank top, long blue cardie that stopped halfway up my thigh and white flats. And they said I never made an effort. Which is true, but I did today. Because I'm a nice-somewhat bitter-person.

"Thanks" I said not wanted to be harsh to the girl, she had never done anything to me.

"Okay then" Emily said, clearly pissed that Kim had complemented me "Everyone's here now" I looked round the room there was only me, Kim and Aunty Jan in the room. I wondered where Sarah was, but didn't ask questions "Let's go girls!"

We drove to Port Angeles and headed straight for the dress store.

As I watched Emily picking up countless bridesmaids dresses, I thought to myself I truly sucked as a Maid of Honour, the Maid of Honour was supposed to help and support the bride whilst preparing the wedding of her dreams, but me I didn't even want the wedding to happen. But I had my reasons, right?

I stood in the shop next to Kim as Emily passed us both skimpy orange dresses. Orange wasn't my colour and as I looked up to meet Emily's eyes I knew that she knew I sucked in orange.

I went to the changing room without a fuss. The dress was short, really short under half way up my leg, it was flowey and showed hell of a lot of cleavage. I pulled on the matching strappy high heels. I looked in the mirror at myself, the orange looked nasty against my bronze skin. I didn't look absolutely discussing but I didn't look good either.

I stepped out to see Kim looking a whole lot less hooker-ish then me. Emily smiled a smug smile when she saw me. Observably happy I didn't look good.

Emily clapped her hands together "What do you think, mum?" Emily asked

"Well I think they need to be lowered…." she answered

"Nonsense, they're perfect" Emily dismissed her

The rest of the day was spent watching Emily shoat demands about colours and quantities and other wedding shit. I was told to leave when they went to the wedding dress shop.

I had to run home as we only came in one car. I ran in human form, choosing not to let the pack feel my pain and joke about it.

As I arrived home I went straight to my room, passing an annoyed looking mother.

I wrapped my arms around me, I should be marrying Sam. Emily should be my Maid of Honour. I should be the bride. Not her! Me!

It's always her, never me.

**I'm so sorry this was so short x**

**When I wrote it in my notebook it was like 4 pages long :( sorry again x**

**Next one will be longer x**

**Please review even though it was short x**

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	18. You guys have fun!

**Here's the next update you guys x**

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**You guys have fun!**

Following Emily's wedding crap, my life continued n the same boring pattern, wake up early, piss people off (sadly I was running out of things to say), them try to make me crack (even sadder they were getting better and better at it), eat enough food to feed 2 fat guys, cry myself to sleep. Fun! (That was sarcasm by the way to those of you who don't understand what sarcasm is it's when you say something you don't really mean)

Bella's wedding came, (Seth actually went) we all watched as Jacob lost control, listened to Sam give the alpha order, felt Jacob's angry, fury and heartbreaking pain.

He was staying but everyone's unasked question was 'for how long?' We all walked on egg shells, me included, to make sure he stayed.

It didn't make me feel for the kid anymore then I did in the first place, and I didn't give a shit about him at first. But now he was in a bad mood all of the fucking time! No one blamed him coz _he _was in _pain_ so it okay for _him _to be snappy. Give me a fucking bucket! No one gave me a break, so why give Jacob?

Coz life is unfair! And there's nothing I can do to change that simple fact.

_How does it feel to be the most hated person in tribe history? _Paul sneered, pulling me out of my thoughts and back onto patrol.

_How does it feel to have the smallest dick in tribe history? _I retorted

_How does it feel knowing Sam will never love you?_

I had no reply for him.

_How does it feel knowing you will die old and alone? _He continued _How does it feel to know your own mother is taking Emily's side?_

_Fuck off Paul! _I snarled _Leave me alone!_

Why? Why did I have to patrol with Paul? I wanted to slam my head into a wall or tree.

For the rest of the patrol Paul decided it would be fun to think of Sam and Emily together, how he kisses her, the look in his eyes as he watches her, how he speaks of her, how everything is so fucking dandy in their perfect lives.

Jared came to say I could leave, he was the bearer of good news he made my day. How sad is that? I went home coz I had nothing left to do. I hadn't seen Lorey or Candy in a while; all they did was ask questions, questions that I couldn't answer. Answers they wanted, questions I didn't want them to ask.

I sat on my bed, alone. On a Friday, back in high school I made fun of girls who did this. But that was when I actually had a life, now I just lived nothing more, nothing less. I was a shell of who I used to be.

I woke the next morning still fully dressed; rubbing my eyes I sat up. Stretching my legs as I rolled off my bed, I got changed into the same style clothes I do everyday.

I stumbled down the stairs and sat next to Seth at the breakfast table. He stood nearly as soon as I sat.

"Night, Lee" He said

"Wait, what?" I asked "It's 10 in the morning"

"Tell me about it, I only just got in from patrol" I hated it when Sam gave Seth morning or night patrol, it screwed with school. Of coarse that didn't matter right now as it was summer.

"God, I wish Sam" my heart twitched at his name, I tried to make it look like it didn't "would lay off the night patrols"

"You and me both" he laughed

I grabbed a muffin and started picking at it, totally bored out of my brain. It was sad that my baby brother was the only person I could talk to, the only person who could make me smile, the only person that likes me in the whole of La Push (and that's only coz he has too)

With noting to do till patrol in an hour or so I sat on the counter in the kitchen, tapping my feet on the cupboard door below me. Pursing my lips I ran my fingers through my short, messy hair.

The phone's shrill noise echoed round the house, I ran to it quickly so it wouldn't wake Seth. Not that it would that kid could sleep through anything.

"Hello" I answered

"Lee," Rachel sounded excited, like when she has a huge secret "can you do me a HUGE favour?"

"Yeah, anything" I replied automatically without a second thought.

"Okay, walk outside your house"

"What? Why?"

"Please, just walk outside your front door" she pleaded

"Fine" I sighed moving to my front door, I swung the door open "But I swear if…" the words died on my tongue, there standing at the bottom of my path was none other than Rachel Black, just like she had years before.

My grip loosened on the phone, which caused it to drop to the fall. But I didn't care. My best friend, the girl I hadn't seen in 2 years was standing right in front of me. I ran towards her, throwing my arms around her neck as she wrapped hers around my waist.

"I've missed you so much" I said pulling back. I was always the shortest in our group, now I was an inch or so taller than Rach. I was probably about 6 foot. I was vaguely aware of Jacob and Billy standing next to us.

"I've missed you too!" Rach looked at me, properly looked at me for the first time "You've grown" she picked up a strand of my hair "your hair" she placed a hand on my stomach "you've been working out. WHAT'S THAT!" she screamed

"What?" I asked shocked

She bent down to look at my leg "It looks like a…a bite mark" she chocked on the last words.

I gasped; looking at Jacob I pleaded with my eyes for him to help me out. He rolled his eyes.

"Leah, don't you need to be at 'work' in a sec?" he asked

Rach jumped up, her eyes looked with mine telling me she knew something was up "No! You can't leave me, pull a sickey" she said, my bite mark seemingly forgotten. Jacob was smile smugly not seeing his sister's façade.

"Can't you swap shifts with me?" I asked, successfully wiping the smile off his face.

"No" he said bluntly

"Go on Jake. !" Rach begged her baby brother

An evil smile crossed Jacob's face "Sure okay. I'll take your shift now, you take mine later, it starts at 6"

I stared at him trying to understand the catch, I couldn't find one so I agreed. He hugged his sister goodbye and ran down the street. We collected Lorey and Candy which was awkward at first but we soon relaxed. We all headed back to the Black's place where we questioned Rachel about uni, how long she's staying (not long according to her) all that random crap. Which then was followed by Rach asking about life in our little reservation.

"There's some gang" she turned to look at me though she was talking to Rachel "they call themselves the _protectors_" her voice dripped with so much acid I had a hard time believing this was my friend, the girl I'd known since I started high school.

"Candy please, can we not get back on this" I pleaded

"God Lee chill, what's your problem?" Rach asked

"She's only getting stressed coz she's one of them" Candy sneered

Rachel turned to glare at me "You're a protector? Isn't that the gang Sam leads?"

"Yes and yes" Candy put in

"Leah, what the hell!" Rachel threw her hands in the air.

"It's complicated" I cried "Please drop it" the look in Rachel's eyes said she knew something was up and I knew she wouldn't stop till she found out what it was.

"Could we drop it" Lorey spoke for the first time, god bless her.

"Fine" Candy snapped, we sat in silence for a few moments.

"Rach, you're never guess what…" Lorey said trying to get the conversation away from me "we here wolf howls all the time, Candy things I'm dumb but…I think the legends are real" and she couldn't have picked a worse topic.

Candy laughed "She also thinks the protectors are the infamous wolves" she was surprisingly spot on. That's when Jacob decided to grace us with his presence.

"What are you girls talking about?" Naturally, we ignored him.

"Think about it" Rachel said "the protectors can't be the Taha Aki wolves"

"Why not?" Lorey questioned

"Because Lee's a protector and girls can't turn into wolves" I flinched at her words

"Lorey" I looked straight at her "you have an over active imagination, I don't turn into a wolf, none of the protectors do, do we Jacob?" I said, lying through my teeth. Guilt washed over me as I did so.

"Well I know I don't" Jacob laughed "And Rach is right the legends say nothing about girl wolves" I growled under my breath, which only made him smile.

"Wouldn't it be great to be the only one?" Lorey asked in owe, I snorted.

"Nah, you'd be a freak" Jacob answered, my teeth grounded together making Jacob's smile nearly double in size,

"What's the point in wishing for something that's not real?" Candy said in her 'I'm so bored of this conversation' voice.

I looked at each of my friends in turn, some many things we had shared together. I was through with lying "But it is"

Four hands snapped to look at me, Jacob growling a warning.

"What? What did you say? You think its real Lee?" Lorey asked

"No, they're not real. Are they Leah?" Jacob snarled, I looked up at him. Technically because my alpha wasn't in the room, Jacob was the next guy in charge, so theoretically I had to do as he said. I met his eyes, if looks could kill, I would be dead, I was gunna have to lie or face the consequences

"I don't think they're real I know…" Jacob kicked me, hard "that it's pretty much impossible to turn into a wolf" I sighed in defeat.

For a moment no one made a noise, no one breathed "Exactly!" Candy shouted in joy, breaking the silence.

But Rach wasn't as easily convinced "Just say the legends were real, who would be the people turn into said wolves?"

"Well…" I began

"Oh, look at the time!" Jacob said, cutting me off "You should be getting to work, Leah!" he said as he grabbed my wrist, successfully yanking me out of the house.

Once in the woods he started yelling at me "What the fuck! You were about to blow the secret!"

"You're such a hypocrite! You told Bella!" I screamed back knowing full well that he flinched at the sound of Bella's name.

"She was depressed and she already knew about the whole supernatural world!"

"And? They know about it they just don't believe it!"

"You've already told them, haven't you!"

"No!" I screamed close to tears.

"Then how come Lorey 'thought' the protectors are the Taha Aki wolves? Try wriggle out of that!"

"I don't know! She smart, I guess. But I haven't said a thing to any of them!" I didn't release we were outside Sam's till it as too late and he was standing on the porch, but for once I didn't care and continued glaring at Jacob.

"How did you get round the order so easily?" Jacob yelled

"I didn't say 'werewolves are real' I just said 'but it is'" I screamed

"Who have you told, Leah" Sam asked as calmly walking over to us.

"Rachel, Candy and Lorey" Jacob replied

"No, I didn't! Lorey just has an over active imagination!" I screamed at him, louder then before.

"You told 3 people" Sam said to me, not a question a statement "The 3 biggest gossips in all of La Push"

"No!" I cried "Lorey guessed, Candy doesn't believe and I don't know what goes through Rachel's head half the time"

"But they don't think it now?" he asked

"Well…maybe a bit, but…"

"No buts, how could you do this? I thought it was bad when Jacob told _her_" Sam exclaimed not wanting to use Bella's name "you told 3 people who will probably tell someone else who will tell someone else. Our secret will be out! Then what?" he shouted, losing his cool. I loved how I was the only person who could actually make him angry enough to shout.

"What do you want me to say? There's nothing I can do about it now" I said, my voice calm and smooth.

"You could have said something, anything instead of coming out with 'it's true'" Jacob put in

"I didn't say that and you know it" I snarled at him losing what calmness I did have.

"I can't deal with you right now, Leah" Sam said sounding a lot older than he was "We'll talk later, come on Jake we have patrol, lets go" he turned to leave

"I swapped my shift, sorry Sam" Jacob said. But…wait…didn't _I _swap _my _shift with him. He couldn't mean "Off you go, Leah" guess that explained the evil smirk.

"You never said I would _have _to patrol with _him_" I went to punch him.

He caught my wrist "You never asked" he turned and walked away, calling over his shoulder "You _guys_ have fun" he purposely used the word guys as he knew I hated being over look as the only girl. I would get my revenge. And he would pay.

But for now I turned to look at the love of my life, Sam who had his eyes shut, his head facing the sun. I took a moment to remember his flawless features my face softening slightly.

He sighed a defeated sort of sound. After all these years I knew what he was thinking about, I didn't need to read his mind. I could tell. And just then, he had been thinking of ways to get rid of me. Biting back tears my face shifted automatically into my infamous frown.

"Come on then, let's get this over and done with" he said grumpily whilst turning his back on me and waking into the woods.

This was gunna be a long night. A long, painful night.

**Please! Please! Please review xxx**


	19. You have got to be kidding me

**Sorry I know it's been a while x but I've been really busy x I've had a load of homework but whatever x**

**On with the chap x**

**Thanks soooooooo much for the reviews x and to everyone who's voted on my poll x**

**You have got to be kidding me**

Patrol with Sam was…is there a word for heartbreaking, self-loathing, wanting to kill but still with a huge lump of love? No didn't think so.

He pretty much pretended I wasn't there. All he thought about was his perfect Emily, how amazing she is, the way she runs her fingers through her long black hair. I kept my mind off Emily and Sam by thinking up new creative ways on how best to kill him. Ripping off his head and putting it on a pole in my front garden sounded like the best way. After about an hour or so Sam caught onto my line of thought and I was forced to change.

I couldn't stand one more moment of it. Of this! My life is just one huge joke! The Gods just love to kick me in the gut. But sooner or later I'm gunna, I don't fail over and over again for no reason, one day is gunna be my day. But that day better come soon.

When I got home I smelled homemade cooking. Which was strange since my mother hasn't cooked since dad died and Seth just doesn't.

"Leah is that you?" my mother called from the kitchen.

"Mum?" I asked peeking my head round the door to the kitchen. And there standing in front of the stove was my mum, with an apron on stirring the pot in front of her. "Are you alright?"

She turned to face me, smiling although it didn't reach her eyes. "Seth's in the dinning room, go join him. This'll be ready in a few" she said whilst turning back to stirring the big pot.

"Dinning room?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. We never used the dinning room. Except for Christmas, thanks giving, birthdays or when we're trying to impress someone. What made today special?

I made my way to the dinning room, it was easily the nicest, most expensive room in the house. We usually did stuff on the cheap. But not this room, with it's huge oak table that sits 8, if we squeeze 10, it had a beautiful boutique of red tulips in the centre. On one wall was a huge picture of me and Seth, it was taken on our annual holiday. Our old annual holiday we hadn't been on one for years. I was 17, Seth 13. It was taken on the beach in California. We're both smiling (yes even me) one of my arms is thrown casually over his shoulders.

I saw Seth sitting at one end of the table I moved to sit next to him.

"What's going on?" I asked him

"I have no idea, but I'm really creeped out" he said seriously, I chuckled as he looked genuinely scared.

"How's your day been then, Sethy?" I asked using the nickname I knew he hated. Being with Sam had put a huge downer on my mood but being with Seth, well my baby bro just kinda made me feel better.

"Good" he replied cheerily, ignoring his nickname

"Any news from soon-to-be-leech?" I asked, he knew what I meant. Which was pretty much 'is she a leech or dead?' I guess they're both the same really.

He sighed "No, not yet. But when she is a vampire, we can still be friends"

"No we can't. What part of mortal enemies don't you get?"

"The part where we have to be enemies" I just rolled my eyes at him.

That's when my darling mother came in with two plates of meatballs and rice, my favourite and she used the good china. "Something smells fishy" Seth said under his breath so only I heard, I suppressed a giggle.

Once my mum had sat we all ate in silence for a few moments, the moments turned to minuets. It was obvious she wanted to say something but kept changing her mind. She had started to resemble a fish.

"Mother, spit it out! You obviously have a reason for doing all this" I snapped, I had never been known for my patients.

She met my gaze, not waving once "What makes you think I have something to say?"

My eyes narrowed "Don't lie, we haven't had a family dinner since dad-since me and Seth phased"

She dropped her eyes "I've" her voice wavered "I've decided" her voice stronger, she met my murderous stare "to give some of your father's belongings to charity"

"What?" Seth stood, visibly shaking.

"Seth, please stay clam" my mother tried to sooth

"No!" his hand ran through his hair "Do you not care how any of us feel anymore!" his eyes filled with tears, daring to spill over. "I can't stay here mum, when you don't care about your own kids!" with the typical Clearwater glare he walked out, slamming the door behind him. I let him leave knowing he needed time to calm down, I would bring him back later.

My mother's eyes moved from the door to where I still sat, "Leah" she said weakly. Because if Seth the sweet one acted like that well what I do, the 1st class drama queen. So I surprised everyone when I replied calmly "Don't you care? You selfish lowlife. I don't even know who you are anymore" I shook my head as I made my way upstairs.

Day 1 Seth hadn't come home, he was staying at Quil's for the time being. I missed him like hell. Is that weird?

Day 2 Still no sign of him returning

Day 3 is when I heard the door open, I jumped off the settee and ran to the hall. Where not my little brother stood but no it was Rachel Black who had taken to avoiding me like the plague.

"Hey" she said "um…I…I'm not here to ask about the protectors, it's obvious you can't say anything, I don't want to get you in trouble. What I'm trying to say is that I don't wanna about all the crap going on, well go wanna know, but I'm not gunna force it out of you. This is coming out wrong, look I have cookie dough ice-cream, if you get a cheesy film I'll tell you all about the hot guy I met at the beach" she forced a weak smile, waiting for my reply.

"Come on then" I said grabbing her wrist and pulling her into the living room.

After we had raided my house for all the blankets and pillows we could find and put Mama Mia on (yes it's a great film but incredibly cheesy) we settled into our blanket-pillow-fort-thing just like we did when we were teenagers.

"So who was this hot guy?" I asked, I just needed something normal in my life. No wolves, no imprinting, no magic.

"Okay well, I was on the beach reading my book when I looked up and saw him just getting out of the water. He wore nothing but trunks, so I was like he must be fucking freezing, anyway he was so damn hot I swear there is something in the water round here. He looked up at me, our eyes met and it was like, click, nothing mattered. He walked up to me and we just started talking, it was like we had known each other for years" Is it just me or does this sound like the dreaded 'I' word? But no, she couldn't be. I would've known, right? Wrong! Who would've told me? Seth, maybe? "…so I'm going on a date on Friday night!" she squealed

"Um…who is this guy again?" I asked

"Paul…Paul Wise" she smiled. My breath caught in my throat. No, no, not Rachel, not her too. She shouldn't have to be part of this world, forced to stay here when she doesn't want to, because that is all what imprinting is tying you to someone making you love them.

"Oh"

After she had gone I grabbed my phone, Sam had made us all have each others numbers in case. I scrolled down to asshole (Paul) and sent him a text u imprinted?

It only took him a few minuets to reply wtf Clearwater Im sleepin I don't hav time

I answered quickly answer the fucking Q Paul!

He didn't reply, I waited and waited and waited. After half an hour or so my phone made a shrill noise yeh y?

Paul Wise had imprinted on Rachel Black, you have got to be kidding me!

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	20. The secrets out

**So sorry it's taken a while to put this up x but I've been sooooooo busy x **

**Not too happy with this x**

**Should have been longer but I ran out of things to say x**

**The secrets out**

It only took Jacob 1 hour to find out that Paul imprinted on his sister and only 10 minutes for him to kick Paul's ass.

It only took Seth three days to come home, no one spoke about where he had been everyone just ignored that he had ever gone.

It only took another day for Paul and Rachel's first date, to which Jacob was VERY upset – had to be held back before he beat Paul…again.

It only took another a week before Paul wanted Rachel to join the wolf-girls even though she knew nothing about the wolves. That was the start of their first argument as she didn't want to talk to a "whore like Emily".

It only took them another two days to make up, although he didn't try to force friends on her again.

It only took another week for me to find her in my living room, where she told me "I think I love him".

It only took another day for her to admit this to him, much to Jacob's bitter disappointment.

It only took another three days for Paul to decide it was time to tell her about everything – and by everything he means _everything._

That's why only one day later when I opened the door to see Rachel with tears silently falling down her cheeks I knew she wasn't stopping by to say hi.

I stepped out of the way so she could come in, so she could confirm my fears. That she had come to accuse me not only being a monster, but also a freak amongst freaks.

She stepped passed me, and without making a sound headed into my living room. I closed the door before following her.

I sat next to her, keeping my distance so I didn't scare her. She didn't look at me but kept her eyes trained on the floor.

"He – he told me, Lee" she barely whispered "Everything, Lee! I know!" her voice rose "We've been best friends since before I can remember! We promised no secrets…ever! And you, you kept the biggest secret from me. Why…just tell me why!"

"I…I couldn't, I tried" a sob trapped in my throat

"You didn't try hard enough!" she screamed

"I know"

She looked away from me "I've been wondering round this, this hell whole for weeks not knowing that my baby brother, best friend and boyfriend all turned into wolves in their spare time. And no one bothered to tell me!"

"I'm sorry, so, so sorry. I wanted to but…"

"I know, there was an alpha command forcing you into silence. I'm not angry with you, well I am. But I know Sam and I bet he was keeping a close eye on you since you nearly spilled. I just have to get my anger out on someone. Did you know Jake, told _Bella, _Bella Swan! And not me! His own sister! Am I not important enough? And Paul, _he _could have told me the whole time, but didn't"

There was a moment when I didn't speak, waiting for her to clam down "I can't believe I'm defending _Paul _but, he thought he was doing what was best, for _you_"

"What was best, _best!_!" she was close to hysteria "I love him, Lee and it hurts so much"

"And he loves you"

"_Love? _Imprinting isn't real love. You idiot. It's forced. I'm in love with someone who will never truly love me back"

"It…it is love. I've seen inside his head you're all he ever thinks about"

"It's not love, its obsession. You can't fall in love with someone by looking into their eyes. He doesn't love with me, he's obsessed by me!" she screamed, she covered her face with her hands.

Rachel Black didn't cry. It was a simple fact most people knew. But what most people didn't know was that it was all an act. I had seen her cry plenty of times, when her mum died, when her sister left (though she'll never admit it) other times that are just forgotten memories, normally when she cried she tried to cover it.

But right now she was crying openly, not caring who saw. "Why is this happening, Lee?" she chocked out between her sobs.

I wrapped an arm round her "Don't know Rach, but I wish I did"

I don't know how long we sat there in silence, but after a questionable amount of time the door knocked. My nose twitched, taking in the scents of our visitors.

"It's Paul and Jacob, what do you want me to do?" I whispered to Rachel

"Make them go away"

I stood, closed the living room door, took a breath before opening the door to two very threatening wolves.

"You bone-heads actually learned how to knock on a door instead of walking in like you own the place, congrates" I smiled sweetly, but my voice held a sarcastic hint to it.

"I know she's in there, Clearwater. Let. Us. In" Paul growled

I cocked my head to one side "I can't let you do that" he tried to step round me, but I blocked the way. A small sob escaped from the sitting room, all of our heads snapped towards the door. I placed both hands on either side of the door.

"URGH! Don't have time for this" Jacob snarled, whilst both his hands went underneath my armpits, he effortlessly picked me up and moved me out of the way.

He and Paul stormed in, I followed seriously pissed.

"Rach, please" Paul was pleading, in any other situation I would have laughed at the sight of Paul Wise begging.

"No" Rachel was stubbornly shaking her head tears rolling down her cheeks "you lied to me. I hate you, I wish you would…would just leave me alone!" she screamed at him. He took a step back apparently surprised and hurt.

"Rachel" Jacob said

"No Jacob, you're even worse then _him_" venom dripped from her words whilst both Paul and Jacob flinched at her words. "You let me believe that there were no such things as wolves. What happened to family? What happened to blood is thicker then water? What happened to always being there? God, what happened to my little brother?" she screamed, her voice breaking at the end.

"Leave" she whispered "Leave! All of you!"

Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, but they didn't instead I looked at my friend "Rach" my voice barely a whisper

"I just need to be alone" she replied, her voice chocking with emotion.

I had never been kicked out of my own home before, apart from by my mother. It was a strange feeling; I followed the guys out of the house. Paul and Jacob looking kinda lost. I didn't spare them a glance as I took of into the woods.

Rachel would be back in Paul's arms in less then a week; the imprint had already taken effect. And once an imprint has been set, there's no going back.

For either of them.

**Please review x **

**I'll try update quicker x :L**


	21. It's time

**I know it's been awhile x**

**I'm so sorry about that x **

**Without further ado on with the story x**

**It's time.**

I pushed open the front door to my house, it's never locked (now I've told you that, don't come rob me) and flinched as I saw what had been on my couch for nearly a week.

Rachel Black, looking how I had never seen her before. Heartbroken. She was curled up in a ball with an old blanket thrown over her. She wore no make up, and had dry tear tracks that had long since dried out.

I kneeled down by her head and looked into her sad brown eyes, which used to be so full of joy. I knew it wasn't going to be long before she was back with Paul. It was hurting her just as much as it was hurting him.

"Rach, you need to talk to him" I whispered

"Don't want to" she chocked out

"Rach…"

"No, Leah! I can't! He – he made a fool of me! I – just can't see him"

"This is hurting him too"

"Yeah, because he _has _to" she spat.

"If you could see his thoughts, you wouldn't be saying that"

"Well, I can't, can I?"

"Look, please just call him. I hate seeing you like this" I picked my phone up from the coffee table "I'll even let you use my mobile" I raised my eyebrows. She looked at the floor for a second, then a minute, before reaching out for my phone. "He's under asshole" she smiled the first smile since well, since her and Paul's fight.

Paul picked up on the third ring "What do you want, Clearwater?" he snarled down the phone

"S'not Leah, it's me, Rachel" Rach whispered.

"Rach" he breathed into the phone "I'm so sorry for, for everything –" and that's was my cue to leave. I roamed the streets for a couple hours, not really sure how long I should stay away for.

When it started to get dark out I decided to head home. As I walked into my living room I noticed Rachel sitting on the couch watching TV. Well it is an improvement, I guess.

As I entered she looked up at me, she smiled at me "We're…we're gunna meet up tomorrow, um...talk things out. I was just waiting for you…but I'm gunna go home. Sort things out with Jake and my dad" she stood.

"Everything will be okay" I told her, she hugged me, squeezing me tight. Well, what I supposed should have been tight…but hell I'm a wolf for crying out loud! Then she left, to make amends with her dad, a leisure I'll never get. But I suppose she had no mother, something I have. If you could even call her my mother anymore.

Rachel made up with Paul, just like I always knew they would. A few days after this I was sitting on the beach, lapping up the sun's raise. When I heard it a howl, clear as day "Ah, shit" I muttered under my breath, before setting off into the forest. When I phased I heard Jacob's monologue on Bella, Bella this, Bella that.

_So self-absorbed all the time _I thought

_Yeah, no hypocrisy there, Leah _Jacob thought back

_Can it guys_ Sam thought. I winced at the word guys, Sam ignored it as per usual _Where's Quil and Embry?_

_Quil's got Claire. He's taking her to the Clearwaters' _Jacob thought

_Good Sue will take her_

_Jared was going to Kim's _Embry thought _Good chance he didn't hear you._

A low grumble rippled through the pack, no one wanted to her about Jared and Kim's sex life. Sam sent another howl into the air.

I ran to where the pack had gathered a few miles east to where I was, Jacob was close but we stayed parallel. Choosing not to run together.

_Well, we're not waiting all day for him. He'll just have to catch up later_. Sam thought

'_Sup, boss? _Paul wanted to know.

_We need to talk, something's happened. _Sam's, Collin's, Brady's and Seth's thoughts all flickered to Jacob. Must be bout soon-to-be-leech I thought to myself. _Seth, tell them what you heard. _What did Seth know about Bella?

Jacob sped up, oh I wasn't about to be beaten, so I sped too. He thought something about that's the only thing I could claim. Which is complete lie I can claim weakest, only girl, most hated, smallest and bitchest as well. Just fastest is the only thing I _want _to claim.

_Claim _this, _moron _I hissed. I shot myself forward as did Jacob.

_Jake, Leah, give it a rest. _Sam thought. Neither of us slowed. Sam growled, but let it go _Seth?_

_Charlie called around till he found Billy at my house._

_Yeah, I talked to him _Paul added

_So he's all flipped out. Guess Edward and Bella got last week, and…_Jacob thoughts cut over Seth's thinking of what story the leeches could have thought up _Yeah, bro, and here's the bad news. Charlie talked to her, said she sounded bad. She told him she was sick. Carlisle got on and told Charlie that Bella picked up some rare disease in South America. Said she's quarantined. Charlie's going crazy, 'cause even he's not allowed to see her. He says he doesn't care if he gets sick, but Carlisle won't bend. No visitors. Told Charlie it was pretty serious, but that he's doing everything he can. Charlie's been stewing about it for days, but he only called Billy now. He said she sounded worse today._

There was mental silence after what Seth had just told us all. Me and Jacob entered the clearing at nearly the same time, but my nose lead _Beatcha again_ I muttered more to myself. I trotted over to my brother and sat next to him, everyone else was sitting except Jacob _Well, what are we waiting for?_ Jacob asked. No one spoke, but he felt our hesitation _Oh, come on! The treaty's broken!_

_We have no proof – maybe she is sick…_

_OH, PLEASE!_

_Okay, so the circumstantial evidence is pretty strong. Still…Jacob. _Sam thought slowly _Are you sure this is what you want? Is it really the right thing? We all know what she wanted._

_The treaty doesn't mention anything about victim preferences, Sam!_

_Is she really a victim? Would you label her that way?_

_Yes!_

_Jake, they aren't our enemies _Seth thought

_Shut up, kid! Just 'cause you've got some kind of sick hero worship thing going on with that bloodsucker, it doesn't change the law. They are our enemies. They are in our territory. We take them out. I don't care if you had a fun time fighting Edward Cullen once upon a time._

_So what are you going to do when Bella fights with them, Jacob? Huh? _Seth demanded.

_She's not Bella anymore._

_You gunna be the one to take her down? _Jacob winced, man Seth was good at the whole come backs _No, you're not. So, what? You gunna make one of us do it? And then hold a grudge against whoever it is forever?_

_I wouldn't…_

_Sure you won't. You're not ready for this fight, Jacob._

Jacob snarled and crouched, the hairs covering my body rose. _Jacob! _Sam snapped _Seth, shut up a second. _Seth nodded.

_Dang, what'd I miss? _Quil asked, I hadn't even noticed him _Heard about Charile's call…_

_We're ready to go _Jacob told him _Why don't you swing by Kim's and drag Jared out with your teeth? We're going to need everyone._

_Come straight here, Quil _Sam ordered _We've decided nothing yet. _Jacob growled _Jacob, I have to think about what's best for this pack. I have to choose the course that will protect you all the best. Times have changed since our ancestors made that treaty. I…well, I don't honestly believe that the Cullens are a danger to us. And we know that they will not be here much longer. Surely once they've told they're story, they will disappear. Our lives can return to normal._

_Normal?_

_If we challenge them, Jacob, they will defend themselves well._

_Are you afraid?_

_Are you ready to lose a brother? _Pause _Or a sister? _ha, like anyone would give a shit if I died

_I'm not afraid to die._

_I know that, Jacob. It's the one reason I question you judgement on this._

_Do you intend to honour our fathers' treaty or not?_

_I honour my pack. I do what's best for them._

_Coward._

Sam snarled, and spoke in his Alpha voice _Enough, Jacob. You're overruled. The pack is not attacking the Cullens without provocation. The sprit of the treaty remains. They are not a danger to our people, nor are they a danger to the people of Forks. Bella Swan made an informed choice, and we are not going to punish our former allies for her choice._

_Hear, hear _Seth cheered, I nudged him.

_I thought I told you to shut it Seth_

_Oops. Sorry Sam._

_Jacob, where do you think you're going? _I looked up to see Jacob moving out of the circle.

_I'm going to tell my father goodbye. Apparently there was no purpose in me sticking around this long. _I rolled my eyes, drama queen!

_Aw, Jake – don't do that again! _

_Shut up, Seth _Me and several other voices' thought together.

_We don't want you to leave _Sam told him

_So force me to stay, Sam. Take away my will. Make me a slave._

_You know I won't do that._

_Then there's nothing more to say. _And then he ran.

We all sat in silence for a second before Seth thought _He'll be back, he always is._ And then everyone broke into conversation, leaving me on the sidelines once again. Half an hour or so later Jacob was back.

_Jake, Jake_ everyone chorused, except me, although I did sigh in relief.

_Come home _now, Sam said in his Alpha voice, Paul faded out to tell Rach and Billy that Jacob was back.

Then we were sucked into Jacob's thoughts – Bella's mottled stomach; her raspy voice: _he's strong, that's all_; the burning man in Edward's face: _watching her sicken and waste away…seeing it hurting her; _Rosalie crouched over Bella's limp body; _Bella's life means nothing to her._

For once no one spoke, no one made a noise. Then we ran to him, Paul met us at the same time we met Jacob. Then everyone was shouting, we walked in a circle. The pack moved and thought in synchronization, all except Jacob and my stupid brother, Seth.

_How can this be? What does it mean? What will it be? _– Collin

_Not safe. Not right. Dangerous. _– Paul

_Unnatural. Monstrous. An abomination. _– Jared

_We can't allow it _– Sam

_The treaty does not cover this _– Embry

_This puts everyone in danger _– Quil

I thought of Bella's bruises and Edward's face _They fear it too _I thought

_But they won't do anything about it _– Brady

_Protecting Bella Swan _– Me again

_We can't get that influence us _– Jared

_The safety of our families, of everyone here, is more important than one human. _– Paul

_If they won't kill it, we have to _– Sam

_Protect the tribe _– Brady

_Protect our families _– Collin

I brought up another of Jacob's memories _The thing is going. Swiftly._

_No time to waste _– Jared

_It would mean a fight. A bad one. _– Embry

_We're ready _– Paul

_We'll need surprise on our side _– Sam

_If we catch them divided, we can take them down separately. It will increase our chances of victory_ – Jared

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jacob and Seth stand _Wait _Jacob thought. The circle paused for a beat before continuing.

_There's little time _– Sam

_But – what are you thinking? You wouldn't attack them for breaking the treaty this afternoon. Now you're planning an ambush, when the treaty is still intact?_

_This is not something our treaty anticipated, _Sam thought, _This is a danger to every human in the area. We don't know what kind what kind of creature the Cullens have bred, but we know that it is strong and fast-growing. And it will be too young to follow and treaty. Remember the newborn vampires we fought? Wild, violent, beyond the reach of reason or restraint. Imagine one like that, but protected by the Cullens._

_We don't know _– Jacob tried

_We _don't _know _Sam agreed _And we can't take chances with the unknown in this case. We can only allow the Cullens to exist while we're absolutely sure that they can be trusted not to cause harm. This…thing cannot be trusted. They don't like it anymore than we do. _He pulled up the memory of Rosalie's face and her protective crouch. _Some are ready to fight for it, no matter what it is._

_It's just a _baby_, for crying out loud_

_Not for long _I whispered

_Jake, buddy, this is a big problem. We can't just ignore it. _Quil said

_You're making this bigger than it is. _Jacob argued. _The only one who's in danger here is Bella._

_Again by her own choice _Sam said _But this time it affects us all._

_I don't think so._

_We can't take that chance. We won't allow a blood drinker to hunt on our lands._

_Tell them to leave. _Seth said, oh, that stupid stupid kid!

_And inflict the menace on others? When blood drinkers cross our lands, we destroy them, no matter where they plan to hunt. We protect everyone we can._

_This is crazy _Jacob said _This afternoon you were afraid to put the pack in danger._

_This afternoon I didn't know our families were at risk._

_I can't believe this! How're you going to kill this creature without killing Bella? _Silence. Jacob howled. _She's human, too! Doesn't our protection apply to her?_

_She's dying anyway, _I thought. _We'll just shorten the process._ Jacob pounced at me; I had never felt so much hatred rip through the pack mind. Sam bit into his flack, pulling him backwards. My heart beat in my wolfy chest, should have just let him eat me.

_Stop! _Sam ordered in his Alpha voice, and then his gaze turned to me _You will not be cruel to him, Leah. Bella's sacrifice is a heavy price, and we will _all _recognize that. It is against everything we stand for to take a human life. Making an exception to that code is a bleak thing. We will _all _mourn for what we do tonight._

_Tonight? _Seth repeated, shocked _Sam – I think we should talk about this some more. Consult the Elders, at least. You can't seriously mean for us to…_

_We can't afford your tolerance for the Cullens now. There is no time for debate. You _will _do as you are told, Seth. _Seth buckled, to kneel at Sam's feet. He turned on Jacob next. _We need the whole pack for this. Jacob, you are our strongest fighter. You _will _fight with us tonight. I understand that this is hard for you, so you will concentrate on their fighters – Emmett and Jasper Cullen. You don't need to be involved with the…other part. Quil and Embry will fight with you._

Sam then handed out who the rest of us will be fighting, me, Seth, Collin and Brady were put together to take down Carlisle, Alice and Esme. These, in Sam's eyes, were the least of a threat. I quickly resumed point and started talking (well, thinking) strategizing with Collin and Brady, leaving Seth out.

Why didn't he just send Seth home? He doesn't want to fight, so he won't do his best. What if he…he...NO! I wouldn't let him!

Jacob was thinking some crap that how killing Bella was like killing himself. _Pull it together, Jacob _Sam ordered _The tribe comes first._

_I was wrong today Sam_

_Your reasons were wrong then. But now we have a duty to fulfil._

_No _That kid's got balls, no one says no to the alpha

_Yes _the alpha voice rippled in our minds _There are no loopholes tonight. You, Jacob, are going to fight the Cullens with us. You, with Quil and Embry, will take care of Jasper and Emmett. You are obligated to protect the tribe. That is why you exist. You _will _perform this obligation. _And the true Alpha dropped to kneel under the phoney.

I turned my back and continued planning until I heard _No _in the Alpha tone. Only it wasn't Sam's voice, no, it was Jacob's. I turned around to see what had happened. Sam had jumped back _Jacob? What have you done? _he asked

_I won't follow you, Sam. Not for something so wrong. _Jacob told him

_You would…you would choose your enemies over your family?_

_They aren't – they aren't our enemies. They never have been. Until I really thought about destroying them, thought it through, I didn't see that._

_This isn't about them. This is about Bella. She has never been the one for you, she has never chosen you, but you continue to destroy your life for her!_

_Maybe you're right. But you're going to destroy the pack over her, Sam. No matter how many of them survive tonight, they will always have murder on their hands._

_We have to protect our families!_

_I know what you've decided, Sam. But you don't decide for me, not anymore._

_Jacob – you can't turn you back on the tribe._

_Ephraim Black's son was not born to follow Levi Uley's._

_Is that it, then, Jacob _Black? His hackles rose. _Even if you defeat me, the pack will never follow you! _

Jacob jerked back _Defeat you? I'm not going to fight you, Sam_

_Then what's your plan? I'm not stepping aside so that you can protect the vampire spawn at the tribe's expense._

_I'm not telling you to step aside._

_If you order them to follow you – _

_I'll _never _take someone's free will away from him. _Oh, that was below the belt!

_There cannot be more than one Alpha. The pack has chosen me. Will you rip us apart tonight? Will you turn on your brothers? Or will you end this insanity and join us again?_

_There is only one Alpha for this pack. I'm not contesting that. I'm just choosing my own way._

_Do you belong to a _coven _now, Jacob?_

Jacob flinched _I don't' know, Sam. But I do know this I will stand between you and the Cullens. I won't watch while the pack kills innocent people. The pack is better than that. Lead them in the right direction, Sam._

Then he turned and ran, he just left. Mournful howls ripped through the night for what seemed like hours, but was probably only 10 or so minutes. I turned around to see if I could find Seth. _Seth? Seth? SETH!...SHUT THE FUCK UP! _All the howling stopped. _Seth! Seth! Where is he?_

There was no noise, _shit, he's gone! Damn Jacob Black! SETH! SETH!_

_Shouting his name won't help _Paul snarled.

_Sam, what the fucks going on! _I screamed

But there was no sense coming from Sam. He just kept repeating the same things _Jacob, Seth, Bella, baby, death, tribe, do what's right…_until he said something that I didn't even know was possible…_new pack._

_Hold on _Jared said _new pack? What the hell?_

_Think about it, we can't hear Jacob and Seth anymore. We can only hear people in our pack! What if they launch an attack!_ _We won't know about it! Shit, shit, shit. Okay, everyone meet at mine and Emily's first thing tomorrow to talk with the Elder's. But until then Paul, Jared, and Quil run the perimeter. Embry, Leah, Brady and Collin will keep on the inside…_

_Sam _I spoke up _I…I need to tell my mum. She'll need to hear about…what happened with Seth from me._

_Alright, alright go! _he dismissed me.

I phased then and there and ran home. No one was in. Go figure, I sat on the couch staring at the wall.

New pack, hmm, different pack mind. Not having to see Sam and Emily's happy ending like a rerun on everyone's minds. No Paul picking fun at me every second he could. No Paul but plenty Jacob.

But would that be so bad, I mean no Sam. No sickening imprinting crap, nothing.

But then again I would have to sniff bloodsucker stink for who knows how long.

But I could keep an eye on Seth. And get away from Sam.

Then on a whim I grabbed a piece of paper and pen and for the first time in who knows how long let all my emotions out.

_Mum _I wrote

_Early Sam decide to kill all the Cullens, Bella and Bella's baby (Yup, she's prego) Jacob didn't want to (no duh!) he, well I'm not really sure. I think it's like a new pack, what I do know is that he's got his own mind link. Jacob's gone to protect the Cullens now that he hasn't got to do what Sam says. Seth's gone too. We can't hear him either. I've thought long and hard, and I've decided to go too._

_I just wunna start again and this is the break I've been waiting for. Only Seth and Rachel were tying me here. Rach she has Paul, Seth he's gone. I can't even say you're tying me here coz you're not. You've been more of a mum to Emily than me lately._

_I can't be the bitter harpy anymore. I can't be the most hated person anymore. I can't watch Sam and Emily get their happily ever after. I can't watch you help. I can't do it anymore._

_I'm sorry for not being the daughter you wanted. I'm sorry for only causing people pain. I'm sorry killing dad. And I'm sorry for leaving. But it's become too much and if I stay I'll crack._

_I know saying sorry won't change a thing but I truly am sorry for everything I've done. But I have to go…for Seth and my mental well being._

_Maybe if Seth didn't go, neither would I._

_Maybe if I wasn't being forced to Sam and Emily's wedding, I wouldn't go._

_Maybe if dad were alive, I wouldn't go._

_Maybe if I wasn't a freak, I wouldn't go._

_So many maybes, I can't change the past but I can change the future. I don't know what the future has in store. What I do know is that I need to get away from Sam, Emily, the pack, you. Just everyone._

_I do love you, you raised me and protected me. But left me when I needed you most. You're my mum and your supposed to be on my side. But your not. Your still my mum, but it doesn't change a thing._

_Hope everything works out for you_

_Leah_

As I finished the letter I placed on the coffee table, where I knew my mum would find it.

Then I turned my back on everything I knew, and went to the unknown.

**Please review x**

**This chap was really hard to write x hope I got it alright xxx**


	22. Sam gets tooold!

**I'm so sorry it's taken so long x**

**We left it at the moment when Leah left La Push, for what she believes is for good. So now she's off to help Jacob and Seth protect the Cullens and all she left her mother was a note. Now we're going in to Embry's POV as he won the poll. **

**So we are now going to read…**

**Sam gets told!**

Embry POV

Jake's gone; just gone. There's no way to describe it…he's gone. All I want to do is run…chase after him. I want to – but I can't. The packs on lock-down. No one leaves. No one. I want to join him…but either way, even if I could get to him, I can't leave my mum…my life.

I made my way across the green grass outside Sam and Emily's house, the smell of pancakes in the air. How could Emily cook when we are missing two pack members? Two brothers? Jake and little Seth.

I waked into the house not pausing to knock and plonked down on the sofa next to Quil. We're all there; me, Quil, Paul, Collin, Brady, Jared (who even brought Kim) obviously Sam and Emily. But not only was there the pack but also the elders Old Quil and Billy (looking older than Old Quil himself). But Sue and Leah were nowhere to be seen. I was late myself so these two were VERY late.

I looked up at Sam, his eyes kept bouncing back to the clock. The sound of foot steps were heard coming up the drive; must be the Clearwaters. The door slammed open and standing there was Sue Clearwater, her brown eyes full of fury her hands in fists by her side and piece of paper crumpled in it. It was only then that truly understood where Leah got her freaking scary look from…never had I been more scared of Sue Clearwater in my life.

She took strong powerful strides to where Sam stood; her eyes only on him. She pulled back hr hand and slapped him right across his face. It was obvious it didn't hurt Sam at all, but the shock upon his face was laughable. I would have laughed but it wasn't the right moment.

She then proceeded to shove the piece of crumpled paper into his chest before turning away in disgust. No one made a sound until Emily brought the courage to speak "Aunty Sue –"

"Don't" Sue hissed, her voice deadly. Emily immediately fell silent.

"No, no!" Sam practically screeched, I snapped my head up to see Sam scrunch the piece of paper up again and threw it at the wall.

"Too late, Sam! It's already happened! Isn't this what you wanted?" Never in my life have I ever heard Sue sound more like Leah. Speaking of Leah, where the hell is she?

"She…she can't be –" Sam's body begun to violently shake

"Gone? Yes, Sam! Leah's gone!" Sue screamed

"Gone?" Quil whispered; I frowned slightly, why would Leah go?

Sue sneered at him, before turning and taking a seat. "So how're we going to get them home?" still no one spoke. "Well?"

"We need to talk to them" Jared said, looking at the floor.

"Good." Sue replied before standing and leaving almost as fast as she entered. Still no one spoke.

"That was awkward" Paul muttered.

I bent down and picked up the note that Leah had left for her mum. The words circling in my mind. _I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry for only causing people pain. It's become too much and if I stay I'll crack. __I need to get away from Sam, Emily, the pack, you. Just everyone._

The words were running through my mind, we did that. Did Leah really think like that? Maybe she didn't make herself the bitter harpy. Maybe we did. Who knew Leah had…feelings.

There was a loud bang, my head whipped round to see that Sam had just pushed through the wall.

"She's gone Sam! Gone! Isn't this what we wanted?" Emily screeched

"NO! It's what _you _wanted!" he yelled

"So that's how it is? Leah's the girl you choose to be with and I'm just the girl you're forced to be with" Sam made no move to agree or deny with the statement and just stared at her. Emily threw the pancake mix at the wall before storming out the same way her aunt did.

"SAMUAL FUCKING ULEY!" Someone screeched slamming the door back, everyone gulped.

**There's we go next chap up soon xxx**


	23. You freaking mutts

**Quick, right? :P x**

**Thank you, for all the reviews! They made me HAPPY! :D**

**You freaking mutts!**

Embry POV

"SAMUAL FUCKING ULEY!" Someone screeched slamming the door back, everyone gulped.

There stood Rachel Black, with her piercing dark eyes, glaring at Sam. "Care to explain why my brother and my best friend have left. You fucking bastard! It's your entire fault! Jacob's gone. Leah's gone. Seth's gone. And it's all your fucking fault! I swear if anything happens to them I will KILL YOU! I don't bloody care if you turn into a giant freaking dog. I WILL KILL YOU!" she screamed at the top of her voice. Trust me for sensitive wolf-ears like mine, it hurt.

Sam raised his head to meet her eyes, his voice came out in a chock "If anything happens to them I'll kill myself" everyone (including myself) looked at him like he was insane. Did he care about the three of them that much? To everyone in the room it was obvious what the answer was. No…but Leah did.

Rachel seemed to pick up on this too "I always told Leah you would break her. Cause her pain. She never believed me, told me I was just being stupid. I told her time and time again that you were just a worthless –"

But Sam cut over her "Well congrates you were right! I did hurt her! Does that make you feel better, knowing that you were right?"

"Fuck you Sam; you're the Sam bastard you were in High School. God! You're such an ass!"

"You can't just blame me! Leah could've –"

"You're right it's not just you're fault. It's all of you fucking mutts faults!" She was now addressing everyone in the room "None of you even tried, none of you tried to make her family. You just kept putting her down, thinking your better than her. Have you ever thought maybe, just maybe, she just put on the whole bitch façade so no one would notice and bad she's hurting?"

"You don't know what she thinks! You're not in her mind all the time!" Sam growled.

"Thoughts can be covered, things can be hidden! Have any of you tried to look deeper into the way she thinks? No, of course you haven't! If known her since we were babies, she can't keep secrets from me. You all make me sick; you're no better than the heartless bloodsuckers you kill" her hands clenched into fists and she stormed out the house.

Three people stormed out the house in one day. That's gotta be a record. Sam sat down, his face in his hands. He sat there for a hour or so before muttering in unsteady voice "We _need _to get them back"

So the plans were made and hatched, Sue wanted everything done to get her kids home. As did Sam. No one had seen Rachel since. And I could get the thought out of the back of my head that I should join them.

Jake is my best friend, no matter what. I should be with him. Not Seth, although nice he's just a kid. Or Leah, the girl he hated and she hated him back. It should be me, not them.

The thoughts grew and grew until it was a need to go join them; Sam catching onto my thoughts, kept me on a short leech (excuse the dog pun) so that I wouldn't do the very thing I wanted to.

I had to join them, but yet this is where I belonged with my pack and my mum. But my best friend; of course I still had Quil, but it just wasn't the same. It was always the three of us. I loved them brothers, more so than the rest of the pack.

And to think _Leah Clearwater _the bitter bitch of La Push was with him instead of me. But I couldn't go join them.

And as I watched Jared, Paul, Collin and Quil go off to talk to them, never in my life had I wanted more than to follow them. But Sam kept a firm hand on my shoulder keeping me back.

I closed my eyes; I prayed it was over soon…I couldn't deal with the pain.

** review, if you do I'll give you a virtual cookie bigger than your head!**


	24. Split decision

**Here's the next chap…slightly later than it was supposed to be but I thought I updated it turned out I didn't :S whoops xx**

**Also I have some questions that if anyone can answer that would be AMAZING!**

**Pretty much I'm English and I have no clue about any American stuff and obviously this is set in America so…**

**What do you do on the 4****th**** July?**

**What do you do on Thanksgiving?**

**And why do people celebrate them?**

**How old are Americans when they start high school?**

**And what age can you start drinking legally?**

**THANKS :D xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Split decision **

Embry POV

The guys returned unsuccessful, I had never seen Sam angrier. Sam kept yelling the same things at them for over an hour "You were supposed to bring her back" and "She should be here" and "You need to go back! You need to get her!"

Not once did he say them or him; no, always her. For she was all he cared about, all he had ever cared about.

After hearing the outcome Sue quickly left and had locked herself in her house. The pack slowly moved back up to Sam and Emily's house where Emily was busying herself with cooking.

Sam sat in one of the chairs, running his fingers through his hair; he looked much older in that moment than I had ever seen him before. The rest of us silently sat around the room waiting for our Alpha to do something, anything. But he didn't.

I looked up and caught Quil's eye, we shared that look both in understanding that our leader had most likely gone insane.

A few days past and things still weren't any better. Sue was still locked in. Rachel was still off the radar. Emily was still annoyed as hell that Leah was at the forefront of Sam's mind. Two brothers and a sister were still awol. And Sam was still…well…without a better word completely off his rocker!

Tuesday afternoon was the day it happened. We were all enjoying a nice meal, which Emily had kindly cooked for us, when a smell hit my nose. It was a smell I hadn't smelt in a couple of days and to be honest I didn't think I'd smell anytime soon.

The door flung open. And there stood Leah Clearwater. Her bright blue eyes were wide and scanning the room. Her soft lips in a pout. Her hair was a complete mess with leaves and twigs caught in it. Her baggy top had slits in it; through them you could see her bronze skin. The T-Shirt was caked in mud as where the shorts she had on. She placed both hands on her hips as her eyes rested on Sam. She raised an eyebrow.

Sam stood and started to walk nearer to her; for the first time since Leah was a wolf she didn't back away or stop him from coming closer. There was a pause before Sam said "You came back" a huge toothy smile spread across his face. "You came back to me -"

"I would never come back to you" she said her voice as hard as it had ever been. I don't think I was the only one to catch the double meaning in that sentence.

"Then wha – what are you doing here?" Sam spluttered.

"Jacob sent me to tell you retards what's going on" Leah said it was obvious by her tone that she really didn't want to do this.

"Where is Jake?" I spoke up.

Leah's glistening blue eyes turned and landed on me. She had a way that in one look she could see every thought, every emotion that had ever happened to you. It was almost as though she could see my very soul. "He's at the bloodsuckers"

"Why isn't Seth here then?"

"He's still there too, and if you're gunna ask why I'm here instead, Jacob made me his beta"

"Jake wouldn't do that; he hates you" Quil growled.

"He may hate me but he still made me beta" She paused and scanned the room once again "I'm bored of this now. Do you want to hear the news or not?"

"Go ahead" Sam said, looking at the floor.

"Well, right as we speak…at this moment, Bella is turning into a leech" she said it in such away that she could've been talking about the weather.

Paul stood, his body shaking "We kill her then, don't we?" his snarl was loud enough to practically shake the whole house. Collin and Brady nodded in agreement.

But Leah only laughed, not the usual one I had come accustom to, no this one actually sounded like she was amused. "You can't"

"What!" Jared said "Why not?"

"Coz Jacob said that they could do it. He's the rightful Alpha, the descendant of Emphraim Black, he can say they can if he wants."

"He has no right!" Paul snarled

Leah smiled "He has every right"

"Why's he not here then? Too chicken to face us? Not as much of a man as he thinks?" Paul said, taking menacing steps towards Leah. They stood so close their noses were practically touching (or would have been if Leah were taller) neither breaking their stare.

Leah smirked in a way that meant she knew something he didn't. "He's with his imprint" Paul physically took a step backwards a look of shook plastered on his face.

"What" Every single person in the room said in unison, even Emily who had been silent until that point.

"Jacob Black has an imprint"

"But you said he was at the leeches" Quil said over his shock.

Leah knew. Leah knew before _I _knew. Well of course she did. She was with him when I wasn't. But I was his best friend. Not Leah!

"He is." Leah said, biting her lip, her eyes glittering.

Jared sighed "Just tell us Leah"

She rolled her eyes "Well, Bella's leech baby was born yesterday…"

"What has that got to do with Jake?" Emily shrieked coming away from her cooking and walking towards her cousin.

Without even looking at her Leah muttered darkly "Maybe if you listened instead of speaking the complete garbage you usually do you would know what happens…anyway – the spawn was a little girl. Bella has already scarred the kid for life by naming her Renesmee – disgusting – Jacob was all upset, thought Bella was gunna die and shit went to kill the baby. He looked at her and BAM! I'll let you guys guess what happened."

"Jacob imprinted on a bloodsucker?" I asked with wide eyes.

"Half bloodsucker"

Then everything erupted shouts of disgust were made. Paul accused Leah of playing a sick joke. No one was in their seat; but through it all Leah remained calm. When everyone settled down she simply raised an eyebrow and said "You done yet?" This was not the Leah Clearwater we knew…she was too composed. "I really should be going now…I would say nice seeing you but I was taught not to lie" she smirked and turned to leave.

But Sam caught her arm "Don't go" he whispered

"It's too late Sam. You haven't given a shit about me in years and suddenly when I could finally be happy you have to fucking try and make me crack…again!"

"And what? Jacob's gunna make you happy?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to even mean?"

As I looked at them I noticed something in their relationship that wasn't present in Sam and Emily's or Jared and Kim's or Paul and Rachel's. No, Sam and Leah's had passion and raw emotion. It was that moment that I knew that I never wanted to imprint.

"Nothing…nothing. Just Lee Lee, please, don't go"

Leah bit her lip and looked at the floor "There's nothing you can say to make me stay"

"I love you" he whispered his voice breaking at the end.

"But you love her more. Bye Sam I'll see you around"

He stared at her for a moment before releasing her arm "Get Jacob here on Thursday for a meeting with the elders" he turned and sat at one of the dinning room chairs.

She nodded once before leaving the house. It was a split second decision, at that moment I honestly couldn't tell you what was running through my mind, even as the words left my mouth I wasn't sure if it was a mistake or not.

"Leah wait!" she paused at the trees and looked at me, a look of shock clearly written on her face. "I'm coming with you"

She smiled slightly, a smile I hadn't seen since we were younger when I would go round Jake's and she would be there laughing and smiling with Rachel. _"Gunna grow anytime soon, Shorty?" _She would joke, as he was always the smallest of the year, before turning back to her best friend.

"Come on then, Shorty" she called before turning into the forest. I follwed.

**And that's the end of that chap. Next chap will be back in Leah's POV :D xxx**


	25. Too hard to deny

**Hey everyone who's reading this fic :P sorry it's been soooooo long, I've had exams and stuff **

**Thank you sooooo much to bvc17 for answering all my questions, sorry I'm kinda ignorant about America and all the holidays xxx**

**Anywayyy on with the story ;)**

**Fearless**

**Too hard to deny **

**Leah POV**

As I moved away from Sam and Emily's house I thought about what had gone down there. Saying no, turning Sam's offer down of rejoining the pack was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I told Jacob that I wouldn't be able to do it!

Sam has some kind of hold over me, and it's almost like I can't fucking turn him away. Like I'll always love him no matter what, god it annoys me!

Is it possible to love and hate someone at the exact same time?

I want to move on; I want to leave Sam behind, but no matter where I turn he's there. Or something that reminds me of him is there. It's like I can't bloody get away!

I was somewhat aware of Embry trying to keep pace with me, hearing these thoughts race through my mind. But somehow I couldn't bring myself to care.

This wolf life has controlled me for so long and now, now I just can't be asked anymore. I just don't give a flying fuck.

I always had to watch what I thought, but no I'm not bending to other people's views anymore. I'm being me...not who people think I am.

_We just need to run to Jacob's house. _I muttered to Embry, feeling slightly awkward. When he had decided to follow me (of course it wasn't me who he wanted to follow it was Jacob, but that was beside the point) I'd let slip a name I hadn't called him in years.

And really who was I kidding? I'm not that person anymore; I doubt anyone even remembers me when I was happy and carefree. I made a sharp turn towards the Black's house. I had grown and changed, I'm not like Rachel. I'm not the same person I was.

I know I'm a bitch, (I've been told I am enough times)I know I'm bitter. But don't I have a good enough reason? Come on, I had everything within my reach. A brilliant fiancé, an amazing family, a best friend that was practically a sister and my own family just at my fingertips. And know what do I have? No fiancé, no sister, half my family has left me and now I'm completely infertile. Funny how life works, right?

If you were me you would be angry and bitter too!

Now I'm sure you're wondering what I've been up since I left La Push, for what I had assumed would be forever.

Well I turned up on bloodsucker ground, and let's just say Jacob wasn't too pleased to see me. But he soon accepted I wasn't going anywhere! Then Jared, Paul, Quil and Collin turned. Fucking called me Lee-lee they did, if they could've heard the shit I was shouting it would've been enough for them to run home their mummy's.

Blah, blah, blah we ran round the perimeter for a bit. I screamed at the wunna-be leech. Not because I _like _Jacob, no it's because I saw so much of my own story in his. And if I couldn't scream at my Sam I would yell at his.

Then of course Bella had her mutant and naturally Jacob had to imprint on it. So now he gets his happy ending with a half-breed and where did that leave me? All alone...again.

He was the only person who might have understood what I was going through, then he imprinted and all feelings for Bella out of the window they flew! Obviously I can't technically have a go at him; he did exactly what I told him to do. He found his imprint.

I shifted back in the woods outside the Black's house, pulled my top over my head and my shorts on. I walked straight through the backdoor (no one locks their doors in La Push) Embry right on my tail (no pun intended).

"Grab Jacob's shorts for me would ya, I need to do something quickly" He nodded silently. Whereas I moved towards Rachel's room. But I did not expect to see what I did.

She was looking in the mirror at herself all dolled up, like she was going out clubbing or something. Okay, she cried for a week when she found out that Paul would do anything for her and would always love her. Come on! I was expecting tears or tantrums or...ANYTHING!

Her head flicked round to where I had entered, her eyes widened her mouth forming a perfect 'o'.

"Leah!" she gasped, and before I knew it her arms were wrapped so tightly around my neck it was hard to breathe. "I thought you'd gone! Where's Jake? Are you coming back? Staying?"

"I'm not staying. Sorry, but I'm just gunna ride this out, you know? See where it takes me" Rachel nodded slowly "I just came to tell you that Jacob is alright, and there's no reason to worry or whatever" she nodded again her eyes watering.

"Tell him; tell him, I love him. Okay? And I'm sorry Leah; I should've been a better best friend. I've just been so wrapped up in –"

"Shut up Rach, you're brilliant, okay? I've been bitchy lately. But it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. Now, are you gunna tell me why you're all dressed up?"

"I'm never ever going back to Paul" _Yeah right_ "I'm so fed up with his bullshit. I hate him! HATE HIM!"

I smiled at her, no need for words. We both knew that it hurt her too much to stay away. It was only a matter of time.

"How've you been Lee?" she asked touching my arm.

"Never been better" I lied, forcing a smile.

"Come Lee, I know you better than that, I know you feel –" but if she knew I felt or not I never found out, coz at that very moment Embry poked his head round the door.

"You ready to leave Clearwater?" he asked.

"Yup, let's go" I replied, following him out the room.

"Lee! Wait!" Rachel screamed at my retreating back.

"What?" I barked, she opened her mouth but I cut her off "Don't bother saying you understand Rach, coz you don't! How could you? Your life is fucking perfect! I'm sorry Rachel but I've had enough of people trying to understand me." And with that I grabbed Embry's arm and pulled him out of the house.

Once we had the cover I pulled my top and shorts off before noticing Embry staring at me "Getting an eye full Call?" I snapped, he quickly looked away whilst I phased. When he finally finished shifting we started to make our way to the Cullen's.

_What'd they say Lee? Is everything alright? Was Sam angry? _Seth bombarded me with questions.

_Are they okay with everything? _Jacob thought, the whole time Embry kept silent, I frowned wondering what he was playing at.

_They were pretty angry to start with, but I think they understand that they can't kill anyone. _I replied, then I turned to face Embry _You gunna talk anytime soon, or just keep standing there like a lemon? _

_Who you talk to Lee? _Seth asked

_You guys alright? It hasn't been the same without you twats. _Embry said.

Silence met him. Jacob was the first to talk _Embry? _

_Yeah, dude I'm sorry I didn't come earlier but –_

_I think we should phase back Seth _I suggested, he did as I said. I got changed back into my clothes; they were even more ripped now than they were before. I ran towards Seth and sat down next to him.

"Was Sam really alright?" he asked.

"He thought I was going back to him. Begged me to stay." I said staring at the floor.

"But you said no Lee, see you are strong"

"But I wanted to say yes." I paused "He told me he loved me."

Seth frowned "What? He said – that asshole! He thinks that after all this time he has the right! What a – a URGH!"

"Calm down."

"Calm down? Calm down! After everything he's done to you, he's lost the right to tell you he loves you!"

"Seth I said it didn't matter I still wasn't staying."

"That's not the point he tried to manipulate you into staying, not caring how that would make you feel!"

"Forget about it Seth, it don't matter"

"It does matter Lee, of course it –"

"Forget it!" I snapped. He sighed, but didn't try to continue. I looked up and saw Embry and Jacob walking over to us, Jacob wearing the shorts I made Embry get him.

"By the way, we have to go to a meeting with the Elders on Thursday night." I told Jacob.

"Okay, well Bella should be waking up soon so I'm gunna go check on things" and by check on things he mean check on the half-breed.

"Everything alright between you and Jake?" Seth asked

Embry smiled, I knew he was thinking if joining us had been the best idea "Yeah, it'll all be alright", he turned to look at me, I glared and he glared back, changing packs changed nothing between us. "So how long are we gunna have to camp in the woods?"

"Already missing your mummy, Call?" I sneered.

He cocked his head to one side, as if trying to work out how I think "You know, your mum was pretty torn up, slapped Sam" and he hit the nail on the head, to make all my defences fall.

"She did? My mum? You sure?" I leaned closer to him, wanting answers. He just smirked and lent again the tree. "Bastard" I muttered, standing up. I turned on both him and my brother and began to run the perimeter.

If you'd told me two years ago that Sam would be getting married to Emily, I would be able to turn into a wolf and that I would be willingly be risking everything for a bunch of leeches. You would've had a one way ticket to the looney bin, funny how things change. And things are just gunna get stranger.


	26. Awaking from the coffin

**Fearless**

**Awaking from the coffin**

The next day Bella awoke from the coffin, Jacob went inside to protect his precious imprint. I sat in my wolf skin next to Seth, whilst Embry ran border, I was told to only intervene if something goes wrong. We watched Bella jump from the window and make her way into the woods, then Jacob came out in human form to wait for them to return. He stood with his stupid arms crossed, his stupid mouth set tight. Urgh, him and his stupid plans to protect his stupid imprint. Twat! I thought to him even though he couldn't hear me.

"Don't breathe" I heard the mind-rapist warn, both him and the wunna-be-leech-who-now-really-is-a-leech came walking slowly forward "Carefully, Jacob" I snarled to add to Edweirdos caution "Maybe this isn't the best way –"

"You think it would be better to let her near the baby first?" Jacob interrupted, the idiot "It's safer to see how Bella does with me. I heal fast" That stupid bloody prat!

_Lee, chill out, Jake knows what_ _he's doing _Seth said

"It's your neck, I guess" Edward said, I growled furious at what Jacob was putting at risk, the guy who never wanted an imprint was doing all of this for it. They began to make small talk, which to be honest I didn't give a fuck about I only started to pay attention again when Jacob said "-let's get this show on the road" I whined in protest and then slid out of the trees with Seth at my side. Even Embry stopped running to see what was going on.

"Cool it guys, stay out if this" Jacob said. We didn't, we only slowed our pace slightly. "C'mon, Bells. Do your worst." I hissed "I'm getting older here, Bella. Okay not technically, but you get the idea. Go on, take a wiff."

"Hold on to me" Bella said to her husband, always the damsel in distress. She took a deep breath in, "Huh." She muttered "I can see what everyone's been going on about. You stink Jacob." Fredward began to laugh, Seth moved closer to them, whilst I retreated in the forest again. As the happy family made their way inside Seth joined me back in the forest, he nudged me playfully and I nudged back. Before long we heard "How dare you _imprint _on _my _baby? Have you lost your mind?"

"It was involuntary!" Jacob yelled, backing up to wear Seth and I were, we came out flaking him, I snapped at her. She caused him so much pain and now finally when he's getting some happiness she wants to rip that from him as well. She snarled back, not nearly as impressive as some that I've heard. "Bella, would you try to listen for just a second? Please?" Jacob begged, imprinting brought the man down to begging "Leah, back off" he added. I didn't just curled by lip up at the leech.

_Seth you owe me $20, told you she'd flip out _I said distractedly. Seth only huffed.

"Why should I listen?" Bella hissed

"Because, you're the one who told me this. Do you remember? You said we belonged in each other's lives, right? That we were family. You said that was how you and I were supposed to be. So...now we are. It's what you wanted."

"You think you'll be part of my family as my _son-in-law!_" she screeched.

"No!" Jacob shouted "How can you even look at it that way? She's just a baby, for crying out loud!"

"That's my point!"

"You know I don't think of her that way! Do you think Edward would let me live this long if I did? All I want is for her to be safe and happy – is that so bad? So different from what you want?

She growled "You're going to stay away from her"

"I can't do that!"

"_Try._ Starting _now" _

"It's not possible. Do you remember how much you wanted me around three days ago? How hard it was to be apart from each other? That's gone for you now, isn't it? That was her, from the very beginning. We had to be together"

"Run away while you still can," Bella threatened.

"C'mon, Bells! Nessie like me, too"

She froze "What...did you call her?"

"Well" he mumbled "that name you came up with is kind of a mouthful and –"

"You nicknamed my daughter after the _Loch Ness Monster?" _She screamed, then she lunged for Jacob's throat. And Seth being the fucked-up-hero he is dived in front of him, there was a sickening crunch as Seth's collarbone broke. I pounced at Bella, but Embry had intercepted and bit my flack and pulled me out of the way whilst I was still snapping at Bella. How dare she? She lunged at her best friend and my idiot brother got in the way! She hurt the only person who defended her no matter what!

_Embry! Let me GO! _I struggled but he held me back. Dr Sparkles took Seth inside to fix him up, I'd rather they didn't, I don't trust leeches, they're all the same, heartless and dead.

It was all Jacob fucking Black's fault! He's gunna get a piece of my mind, I began to shift back but saw that he was holding Nessie – I mean the half breed. Damn Jacob's thoughts, making me call mutants cute nicknames! I sighed knowing I couldn't fight him; even I wasn't a big enough monster to pick a fight whilst he's holding a baby.

I began to pace, urgh! _Damn him! Damn him to hell! When's Seth coming out? What's going on? All Jacob's fault!_

_Clearwater, just sit down. _Embry muttered. I huffed but nether the less moved back into the woods and sat next to him.

_How could Seth be so stupid? He could have been seriously injured! Bella could've _bit _him! How can he not understand that? He's such a twat! _I ranted

_You really care about him don't you? _Embry asked

I looked at him, what sort of question is that? _Well, of course, he is my baby brother._

_I always assumed you didn't care about anything._

_Good, I don't want to show weakness_.

_Showing you care isn't weakness._

_Then how comes everything that I care about has broke me?_

He paused _you know, I think imprinting is as much bullshit as you do._

_You say that now, but once you've imprinted you'll be singing a different tune._

_Nah, imprinting looks like a chore if you ask me. Anyway, there's no passion in it, no emotional rollercoaster, no fights to keep you on your feet. Nothing._

_Don't you want someone who's always gunna be there?_

_Of course, but I want fun first, I want to work for her so that I can be grateful._

Then Jacob shifted _You idiot! Do you not care about Seth? Or anyone else except your stupid imprint? It's always the same! Once you get an imprint you don't care anymore do you Black? What are the rest of us to you anymore? So what if Seth broke his arm? So what as long as you get your imprint? _I screamed

_Leah! I do care, I feel horrible about Seth _I huffed _and just coz I have an imprint doesn't change God damn thing._

_Actually it does! It changes everything!_

_Just coz I have an imprint doesn't mean that I don't understand your pain Leah. _

_Don't talk about pain you spineless fuck up!_

_I'm sorry that you're hurting but – _

_Sorry? Sorry! Don't talk bullshit Black! _Then I shifted, so that neither them could read my thoughts. I found some soft ground and fell asleep, more angry than I had been in a long time.


	27. You have no right!

**Thank you sooo much for the reviews :D you all get a cookie bigger than your head :P**

**Fearless**

**He has no right!**

Why am I doing this? Why? Why? Why?

Urgh! Stupid fucking idiot! Why do I do this to myself? I could've stayed on the nice comfortable-ish forest floor, but no! Instead I'm seating in the Black's living room, staring at Sam's pack. The elders sat across one wall with me and Jacob's pack along the left and Sam's pack, including Kim and Emily (no Rachel I noticed) along the right. No one had spoken yet.

My eyes kept flickering back to Sam, _Sam _I sighed. Why can't I get over him? He was always in my mind, reminding me of everything I've lost. Can't he leave, can't be just bugger off? Can't he just get out of my head? There was an ache in my heart, a longing. My mind knew it was stupid, it knew that this was pathetic and yet the heart wants what the heart wants. Why do I have to have these feelings? My hands were fists at my side, Jacob noticed, I didn't even care. I couldn't deal with his pity. He got his happily ever after, what did I get? Nothing.

Leah fucking Clearwater never got a god damn thing. My eyes flashed over a picture of Rachel, Rebecca (Rachel's twin) and me when we were five. I was almost unrecognisable now, the carefree happy grin now a bitter twisted frown. The bright sparkling eyes now lifeless and dead. The soft long hair now short and messy. The young beautiful girl only a shadow of what she used to be remained.

No wonder Sam didn't love me anymore, no wonder no one wanted to love me.

I looked down at myself, my clothes were so badly ripped that the baggy top I had been wearing hardly counted as a vest top anymore. A fact I'm sure my mother would've pointed out, but I had yet to look at her.

Embry making an offhand comment about how torn up my mother was when Seth and I left didn't make a difference. If she thinks caring now will help she's wrong. For months she hasn't given a flying fuck over me, so why should I care about her now? Why do I care what she thinks anymore? Why?

I looked at Jacob, then back to Sam wondering who would have the first say; they were both eyeing each other up obviously thinking the same thing. I sighed "Will one of you say something already? God! You're worse than children." But then I looked at Jacob, was he anything more than a child really? Only sixteen, was he ready for a pack? For responsibility? He should be out having fun, not protecting a tribe from bloodsuckers.

Jacob nodded, in deep thought apparently "You invited us here Sam, what did you want?" he said in a calm voice.

"We want you back, we understand that you imprinted on the" he paused "_baby_. And we don't want any harm to happen to" he paused again "_her_ anymore. Once you imprint they become" once again he paused "_family_ too, so stop this nonsense, Jake, come home."

"I can't, I don't think this Alpha thing is something I can give up, sorry" although he didn't sound sorry at all.

"If that's how you want it Jacob"

"I don't want to be on bad terms, I just want everyone to have a say in whose pack they are in."

"You think people will choose _your_ rag-tag pack?" he sneered.

"Sam" Mum cut over coldly "I'm sure Jake's not trying to still take your pack" Sam looked at her, opened his mouth, but the famous Clearwater death glare made him fall silent.

"Exactly as Sue says, I am happy with my pack as it is, I don't want to steal anyone from you." He skilfully avoided looking at Quil.

"We're going to need to sort out new patrols, and systems for each pack." Old Quil put in. So for the next two hours ten wolves, two imprints and three elders all sat in one small room working out who should run where and when, how to best protect La Push, and "What about the legend telling?" Quil put in. In the end it was decided that a member of each pack would be patrolling at all times, the legend telling will remain together and as La Push was both of our homes we were allowed to come and go as we pleased. Good, I wasn't about to pack up just coz some fucker told me to.

Soon after this was decided my tummy began to rumble, god I am hungry! That's what you get for refusing bloodsucker food and refusing to hunt like an animal. That's what you get for being a stubborn bitch. Eh, I thought, I'll just get something from the Black's kitchen. I stood "Anyone what anything for the kitchen?" I didn't pause "No? Okay, good" and I left the room.

"Wait can you get be a-" Seth called

"No!" I replied.

When I was about halfway through making the biggest sandwich you have ever seen, it was actually amazing, with three different meats, tomatoes, lettuce and all that crap. I heard footsteps walking towards me; I took a breath to see who it was, _Sam_. "Lee" he said.

"I don't want to talk to you" I said not turning, no way was I gunna turn around and let him see my weakness, and then let him think it in the pack mind until everyone knew. No, I wasn't falling for that again.

He grabbed my arms and turned me to face him, I looked up into his eyes and all those feelings I tried to ignore came rushing back. Everyone in the other room fell silent; the wolves could hear every word we said.

"I don't want to talk to you." I said slower than before.

"Lee, what I said the other day was true, I do still-"

"I don't want to hear it." I said pulling back from him "I don't want to hear that you still love me, coz even if that's true you'll never leave Emily so it doesn't matter! And don't tell me it's true coz if it was you'd have tried harder to stay with me the first time round, you wouldn't have given up!" tears were rolling down my checks now "Don't lie to me Sam, I know you too well" he looked down at me, looking like he was about to cry "Don't! Don't you dare look at me like that! You have no right to! _You _broke up with _me! You _left _me_! You have no right!" and then I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm pulling me back towards him.

"Let her go Sam" I looked up to see Jacob standing in the doorway.

"I need to explain, I owe her an expa-"

"You _owe _her enough to let her _go_" Jacob growled, whilst they were having their star down Sam's grip loosened slightly, just enough for me to wriggle free.

He turned quickly "Lee-Lee"

"I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. To. You." I said through clenched teeth, before fleeing the house, with Jacob on my tail.


	28. Doing what you have to

**Sorry it's been so long, I've been swamped in random shit you guys probably don't care about.**

**Fealess**

**Doing what you have to**

I ran and ran, the wind blowing through my hair. I bite my lip; I could taste the coppery taste of blood in my mouth, yet I still didn't slow. Jacob's loud stomps followed me through the woods, calling my name every few moments, I still didn't slow. I just kept running, not knowing where I was going to stop, or if I even wanted to.

As I carried on running I saw the water loaming in front of me, should I just keep going? Swim and swim to some far off land where no one knows my face? No one knows my past? Where no one holds judgment or uses comparison? Just keep going and going, if only I could.

But instead I stopped at the shore, not a soul was on first beach. Everyone was probably with their friends, family, someone who cared about them. I would give anything to be back before wolves and legends and imprinting. I squeezed my eyes shut; no way was I going to cry.

Jacob slowed to a walk when he saw I had stopped, "Leah," he said, his voice low and steady. "I know you're hurting, I know you're in pain – I completely understand where you're –"

"NO!" I screamed, my voice hitting pitches I had no clue I could hit "YOU DON'T UNDERSATND! HOW COULD YOU? EVERYTHING FUCKING WORKED OUT FOR YOU! YOU GOT YOUR IMPRINT, YOUR LIFE IS PERFECT! YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER BELLA ANYMORE, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW I FEEL!" tears were now falling down my checks, big hot fat tears.

I turned to look at him, shock flashed across his face to see me crying. But he quickly covered it, "Leah, just because things haven't been working out for you lately don't mean things won't start to get better eventually." He put his arm round me, the first time anyone had shown caring in ages "You're the bravest person I've ever met, Leah. You've been through so much and yet you're still standing. I know you can get through anything, you're – you're fearless Leah."

"I'm not fearless, I'm broken" and for the first time in ages, I finally let the defeat sound in my voice "I'm just so tired, I can't do it anymore. I just can't."

He looked down at me pity written all over features "You can get through this, Leah. I know you can, just stay strong. Sam doesn't deserve you, it'll all work out, I promise"

"Don't promise things you have no control over" I chocked, I just wanted to go home and sleep and sleep and never wake up.

"I swear Leah, it'll be –"

"NO!" I screamed "Don't say that Jacob, don't say things that you have no idea about! You have no clue what it's like and you have no clue if things will ever work out!"

He pulled me into a hug, and that's where we stood for an hour or so, just standing on first beach crying into Jacob's chest. And it felt good, nice even to be held. To feel loved and wanted, to not just be a bitter bitch that everyone wanted to disappear "Come on, Leah" he pulled at my arm "Let's get you back to mine." When we got back to Jacob's house Sam and his pack had gone whilst the elders sat discussing important things that I didn't care about what so ever.

I sat down next to my baby brother; I looked down on me his bright blue eyes searching if I was alright. I avoided his gaze and just stared at my hands, they were suddenly very interesting.

The front door slammed shut and every head in the room snapped up to see who decided to enter, Rachel stood there looking completely bewildered. "What…what are…" she paused before screaming and running straight at Jacob embracing as though she hadn't seen him in five years not five days.

It was weird over the next few days, it was like everything had seemingly returned to normal, only it wasn't normal it was complete backwards way of living. From the outside it looked as though everything was the same, but from the inside it was anything but. The packs tried working together but we had gone from _'brothers' _to distant cousins.

The elders were attempting to mend the bridge, but to be honest no one seemed to want to meet halfway. Well no one, except Quil who seemed more and more eager each day to jump ship.

To try and help the pack become _'brothers'_ again the Elders decided to arrange a bonfire. A concept that none of the wolves were too keen on, but the elders were the higher power – so therefore everyone had to go. Elders, wolves and imprints – and anyone else who knew the secret. Sounds like fun, right? Hopefully you can hear the sarcasm in my words, otherwise you're a bit simple.

It was the day before the bonfire when Jacob approached me. (I was staying at Jacob's coz I still didn't want to face my mother) "You don't have to go." He said "I understand if you don't wanna go"

I smiled "I have to go, can't have people thinking I'm weak now can we?" I sounded fake even to my own ears, I feel need to work on sounding happy, even if I wasn't.

"Leah –"

"How's Nessie?" And just by saying her name I knew I'd sidestepped whatever Jacob was going to say.

He launched into some huge conversation about how _smart_, how _wonderful_, how _cute_ she was. This gave me some time to think over everything, the bonfire would be like another kick in the gut – I would have to sit there whilst Sam and Emily acted all cute and irritating, also Rach would probably be there with Paul (if they ever made up) and I don't think I could deal with all those adorable imprints.

And I would have to see my mother, something that I was skilfully avoiding. God, this stupid bonfire is gunna be the shittiest night of my life. But I was going to have to go whether I wanted to or not, couldn't show the big bad wolves that I was scared! I would never live that down.

Maybe one day I wouldn't care what people thought about me. Maybe one day I could just be who I am, without people putting me down for it.

**Thanks for reading please review xx**


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